The Twelfth Step: Can't Give Away That Which You Don't Have

         

          The 12th Step of Alcoholics Anonymous is, "Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs."  This step clearly places a responsibility upon us - but we cannot give away that which we don't have.  The "Big Book" of Alcoholics Anonymous states, "We have recovered and been given the power to help others."  The power to help others is a direct result of the spiritual awakening received in Step Twelve. Until one such spiritual awakening has occurred it is impossible for it to occur in other alcoholics that we may be helping. Furthermore, once the Spirit has been awakened within us we cannot be in the will of God without helping others.

           We are gifted the power to carry the message to other alcoholics not only through our words but by incorporating the principles of the Alcoholics Anonymous program (the Twelve Steps) right into our lives, displaying them through our behavior.  Once the spirit has been awakened in those we help then they themselves can lead a recovered life.  These recovered alcoholics will then have the power to help others in the way  necessary, so that still others may recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. Your gift can be a gift to others.

Written by Armand
Edited by Caitlin Alexandra 

Conscious Contact

           For me, CONSCIOUS CONTACT is a personal relationship with God in this moment and at this time.  I do not look back in regret nor do I look forward in fear. Through the grace of God in this moment I have relinquished my human nature. My human instincts are no longer propelling my thought process, but rather my thought process is propelled by the will of God through inspiration.
         
           The "Big Book" of Alcoholics Anonymous says, "We may face indecision, we might not be able to determine which course to take.  Here we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or decision. We are often surprised how the right answers will come after we have tried this for awhile.  What used to be the hunch or the occasional inspiration gradually becomes a working part of the mind. We find our thinking will be, as time passes, more and more on the plane of inspiration. We come to rely upon it."  The dictionary defines inspiration as, "the thoughts of God implanted upon the mind and soul of man."  I do not need to run the thoughts of God through my intellect - I instantaneously perceive them as truth. The question becomes, will I be obedient?  Is my behavior going to be propelled by the will of God or by my human instincts?  The back half of the Eleventh Step says, "...praying only for the knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out", as my human nature will never do the will of God.
                It is here that a recovered alcoholic lives, in the will of God, through CONSCIOUS CONTACT.

Written by Armand
Edited by Caitlin Alexandra 

The Real Problem

What a beautiful program Alcoholics Anonymous is. Not only does it relieve our uncontrollable use of alcohol but is applicable to each and every problem in our lives.
           
We come to A A because we desire to stop drinking alcohol and are unable to do so on our own.  Alcohol severely impacts our lives, our minds, and our bodies.  We discover through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous that alcohol, of itself, is not and was not the problem - it is but a symptom of the problem.  The real problem with us as alcoholics (and addicts of any and all types) is self-centered fear. We are afraid we will not get what we want... and afraid to lose what we have.
           
When any of our human instincts are threatened we overreact until we make the decision in the Third Step of the program to turn our thoughts and our actions over to the care of God. Once we do this we are on our way to a serene and peaceful life.  The integration of the remaining steps into our lives leads us to a life in which we are praying and meditating on a daily basis.  When praying we ask only for the knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out. Remaining in that present state of mind, in the will of God, we do not drink. In God's hands all of our problems are solved.

God is the solution to the real problem. Once we are in His will we do not overreact when we think that our human instincts are threatened as we are trusting in His safety and serenity. May you find Him and his comfort now.

Trust - The Key Component Of Belief

To believe, we have to trust.  Trust is the key component of belief.  When I was a teenager I broke my relationship with God. It was a relationship that had developed through the early religious training I received in Catholic grade school.  The fact that I broke my relationship with God did not change that I had always believed in God.  I believed in God even while I was living the life of an alcoholic -- in utter pandemonium. My behaviors had nothing to do with my belief in Him.  It was my lack of trust in Him which led me astray from a relationship with Him for so long. Trust, according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, is "assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something". 

To have such certainty for the Supreme Power requires humility, exactly that which the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous gives us.  The incorporation of the steps of such a program into our lives begins the break down of our egos, so that humility (and all the many benefits from it) can seep into our lives. After some time we actually develop a hunger for it.  I have learned in my experience with the program of Alcoholics Anonymous that humility is the key which unlocks the door to the grace of God.  It is only through this grace that we remain sober and recovered from our addictions and the manifestation of our character defects.  Our egos must be deflated and our human desires subrogated to the will of God.  Belief is necessary but trust is essential.  

TRUST IS THE KEY COMPONENT OF BELIEF.    

Serenity

           Serenity is the absence of conflict in our thoughts.  We who have committed ourselves to the program (the Twelve Steps) of Alcoholics Anonymous have deemed that it is the program itself which must come first in our lives. Alongside such a commitment comes a personal relationship with a supreme power, such as God. Living by these honorable ideals ushers the blessings of serenity into the stream of our lives - no matter what transpires.

              

              In the Alcoholics Anonymous literature, Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, such a paragon way of living is elucidated:  "We are no longer frightened and purposeless.  The moment we catch even a glimpse of God's will, the moment we begin to see truth, justice and love as the real and eternal things in life, we are no longer deeply disturbed by all the seeming evidence to the contrary that surrounds us in purely human affairs.  We know that God lovingly watches over us."

             

             By integrating the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous into our lives in such a way that they become our lives, and by manifesting the principles of those steps in our behavior, we have the opportunity to have safe and serene lives. Remembering that joy is not the absence of sorrow, but the presence of God … experience serenity we will.

Moral Psychology

         Featured in "The Doctors Opinion" of the "Big Book" of Alcoholics Anonymous is a letter from Dr. William D. Silkworth. Dr. Silkworth was the Medical Director of Townes Hospital in New York City, a renowned hospital in the field of alcoholism.  One of the founders of Alcoholics Anonymous and the primary author of the "Big Book", Bill W., was under Dr. Silkworth's care on three separate occasions there.  Within Dr. Silkworth's letter he stated, "We doctors have realized for a long time that some form of  MORAL PSYCHOLOGY was of urgent importance to alcoholics... unless [the alcoholic] can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope for his recovery."
          Dr. Silkworth and his colleagues believed that not only did the thought processes of the mind need to be transformed but the source of what powered those thought processes had to change.  The American Heritage Dictionary defines psychology as "the science that deals with mental processes and behavior."  Furthermore, it deems moral synonymous with virtuous. Therefore the thought processes of the mind had to become virtuous.  In order for this to occur, the mind of the alcoholic could no longer be propelled by the human's nature or instincts, but rather by the will of God through inspiration. As the back half of the Eleventh Step bids, "praying only for the knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out."
           The psychic change is the heart of the solution to our alcoholism. Through the grace of God (the source that powers the thought processes), a transformed and virtuous thought process is possible and real.   

Forming And Sustaining Relationships

        
         The chapter on Step Four in "Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions" describes our dysfunctional relations well, "But it is from our twisted relations with family, friends, and society at large that many of us have suffered the most.  We have been especially stupid and stubborn about them.  The primary fact that we failed to recognize is our total inability to form a true partnership with another human being."
          I went through my entire life unable to interact with others on an intimate level. I was incapable of allowing others to experience me as I truly was and I was unwilling to allow others to share with me their true self.  I would present to the world what I thought the world needed to see about me so I could feel good about myself.  In the past, the relationships I did have were of the type which, when I was done taking from them what I wanted and they were done taking from me what they wanted, the relationship was over.  I was incapable of FORMING AND SUSTAINING RELATIONSHIPS in an honest and caring way with other human beings.
        The greatest gift I have received from developing a personal relationship with God through the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous is the ability to interact with other human beings at an honest and true level - therefore FORMING AND SUSTAINING RELATIONSHIPS that are caring and loving.  This occurs when we are the human being God created us to be, thereby maximizing our human potential

To Know Peace

        In Chapter 4 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous it says, "...we had to fearlessly face the proposition that God is everything or else He is nothing. God either is, or He isn't. What was our choice to be?"  When I came to the very point in my recovery where I had no desire to turn back to my old life but I was fearful of letting go of my nature (and living in the will of God), the above statement had to be answered.   I may have answered in the affirmative earlier in my recovery but it wasn't until that precise moment that I fully understood what was being asked of me - or rather, required of me.
          If we are to recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body; if we are to be free of  manifesting our human defects in our behavior; if we are to live a life where we are tolerant and loving of all but never accepting of evil, if we are to live a life free from fear, anxiety and anger, if we are to be respected and loved and posses the spirit of charity forgiveness and  joy - not because everything in life is as our human nature thinks it ought to be but because God is with us.  Joy is not the absence of sorrow but the presence of God.
           For the first time in my life I had become fully alive as the Spirit was fully awakened within me. I became and am the human being that God created me to be, maximizing my human potential, free of conflict, and at peace.
           I am aware of what is required of me, and I have answered "Yes, God is everything." What will your answer be?

The Resentment Prayer

            I found that in compiling my Fourth Step resentment list, the best way to cope with resentments were to first pray for and forgive those on my list.  In the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous in the chapter "How It Works" it states, "...we realize that the people who had wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick.  Though we did not like their symptoms and the way they disturbed us they, like ourselves, were sick too.  We ask God to help us grant  them the same tolerance, pity and patience we would grant a sick friend.  When a person offended we said to ourselves, 'Perhaps this is a sick person, how can I be helpful to them? God save me from being angry, Thy will be done.'  God will show us how to take a kind and tolerant view of each and everyone."  As we draw closer to God this begins to happen naturally.  

             As an alcoholic we find that resentment is the number one offender to a serene and peaceful life. If we are to have a clear state of consciousness that is free of conflict; if we are to lead an alcohol-free life, a life where resentment is not causing conflict in our mind and therefore not manifested in our behavior, then we must let go of our human resentments.  There is often no way possible to do this without the help of God.

Unique Disease

                Alcoholism is a UNIQUE DISEASE in that it is two fold.  We have a physical allergy which ensures that each and every time we put alcohol into our system, we'll get sick, we'll get drunk, we'll get into all kinds of trouble.  But more importantly we have a mental obsession which ensures that even though we don't want to drink, sooner or later our mind will tell us it's ok, we'll put the alcohol into our system, we'll trigger the physical allergy and we'll get drunk again.
              Dr. Silkworth, the chief medical benefactor of AA suggests that the thought process of the mind has to be transformed.  The thought process of the mind of an alcoholic must have a psychic change, and this change is essential and must be complete.  As Dr. Silkworth states "on the other hand and strange as this may seem, once a psychic change has occurred the very same person who seemed doomed, who has so many problems they despaired of ever solving them is easily able to control their desire for alcohol, the only effort necessary being that required to follow a few simple rules."
             The transformation of thought that is necessary to recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body occurs through the grace of God received by the practice of the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.
            Having admitted complete defeat, having admitted to our innermost selves that we are alcoholic, understanding that our human power could not overcome our alcoholism, having begun to trust in God as a solution to our problems we were now at Step Three as "I decided to turn my will and my life over to the care of God." Our will is our thoughts and our life is our behavior as we always think before we act.  "God I offer myself to Thee, to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt, relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do thy will.  Take away from me my difficulties so that victory over them will bear witness to Thy power, Thy love and Thy way of life.  May I do Thy will always.
            A simple solution to a complicated and UNIQUE DISEASE            

Giving

  
                 Initially I had no idea, but to possess the qualities that many of the members of Alcoholics Anonymous possessed took a degree of humility, the characteristic I had none of as I was extremely prideful but now a characteristic I long to possess.
                In the book Alcoholics Anonymous Comes Of Age, in the historic visit to Bill W. from his boarding school chum Ebby T., who at the time had almost been committed for alcoholic insanity, was sober and came to share with Bill what had happened.  He outlined the precepts of the Oxford Group, one of which applies to humility.  He said I was told to practice Giving, the Giving of yourself to somebody.
               Personally, I have learned that it is humility which unlocks the door to the grace of God.  In order to grow in humility I must begin to let go of my selfish desires and begin to have a faith in God which eventually blossoms into a complete trust in God.  Trust in God initially is difficult, as through the course of my life I have used my instincts and my intellect to propel me through life.  But when I was faced with a self imposed crisis that I could not overcome with my human power I had to rely on a higher power.  As the Big Book says "we trust in infinite God rather than finite self."  Today in this day and in this time, I trust in God.  The development of this trust in God leads to a caring of others that was not possible for me before.  An alcoholic who is humble enough to trust in God knows that the Giving of self in the helping of others is a critical tool of recovery.   

Inspiration

             In the chapter Into Action in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous it says "In thinking about our day we may face indecision.  We may not be able to determine which course to take.  Here we ask God for INSPIRATION, an intuitive thought or decision.  We don't struggle.  We are often surprised how the right answers come after we have tried this for awhile.  What used to be the hunch or the occasional INSPIRATION gradually becomes a working part of the mind.  Being still inexperienced and having just made conscious contact with God it is improbable that we are going to be inspired at all times.  Nevertheless, we find that our thinking will, as time passes be more and more on the plane of INSPIRATION.  We come to rely upon it."
               It is in the conscious contact with God  that INSPIRATION may be received.  It is where a recovered alcoholic lives.
               INSPIRATION is defined in the dictionary as the thoughts of God implanted in the mind and soul of man.  When the thoughts of God is received in my soul I don't need to run them by my intellect, as I know immediately that they are the truth.  The question becomes, is my human nature surrendered to the will of God in this moment so that I am capable of receiving God's thoughts or is my thought process propelled by my human instinct.  A recovered alcoholic lives by INSPIRATION as their thought process is propelled by the will of God.
 

Am I Entirely Ready

The Sixth Step of Alcoholics Anonymous is, "Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character".  The original draft of the Big Book used the word "willing" instead of the words "entirely ready".  I found it helpful to incorporate both into my Sixth Step, so that I had the willingness to be entirely ready.
           As an alcoholic, giving up control is awkward and strenuous - I would rather apply some sort of cognitive therapy or behavioral modification to control my defects.  But practicing that method is like applying a band-aid to a festering infection, it does nothing.  Control of defects is not the snag, but rather that our human defects are not to exist in our behavior, as it is our defects that are keeping us from the perfection that God seeks in us.  God seeks for us to be the human being that He created us to be, thereby able to maximize our human potential. 
           When we are in the will of God our human character defects, which exist only in our human nature, cannot possibly manifest themselves in our behavior.
           Yes, I am willing to be entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

A Fifth Step Story

Having shared the Fifth Step with myself and another human being, having exhibited a sense of humility, having acquired a clarity of mind and a sense of peace I was encouraged and braced to complete the final piece of the Fifth Step - to admit to God the exact nature of my wrongs.  I met my sponsor at a small chapel and felt in no way out of the ordinary until he swung open the doors. I looked down the center isle to the alter and became immediately aware of the quietness and the state of holiness that existed.  I froze and swallowed hard, realizing that in the next few moments I was going to experience the most profound event of my entire life thus far.  In that time, that place, and in that moment I was to seek the forgiveness of God for all I had done wrong in the past.  Together, my sponsor and I slowly knelt down and he prayed in the way that only he can.  When he was done praying, I shared the exact nature of my wrongs with God. I had completed the Fifth Step.
           Since then I have participated in many Fifth Steps with alcoholics and addicts that I have read the Big Book with. It is altogether a very humbling experience to be a part of, making me feel most helpful as a human being and supplying a sense of wholeness to life.  Recently I did a Fifth Step with someone and, as we were leaving the Church, he said "I know that for centuries people like you have helped people like me do exactly what we did today... but today was the day that I had the opportunity to participate in it".
           Yes, it is a remarkable experience to feel the nearness of God and to share that with another. It is an experience that is not meant to be missed. It is a complete cleansing of the past and, in turn, receiving the gift of forgiveness and a clean slate of life - all built upon a new relationship with God.

Humility As A Recovery Tool

The basis of all twelve steps of Alcoholics Anonymous is humility, the spirit of which is necessary as our egos must be deflated.  Admitting to our innermost self that we are alcoholic, learning to trust in God and making a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God are all steps on the road to humility.  In the Fourth Step, identifying who we are and acceptance of what that means is ego deflating and humbling.  But for me, the biggest step in accepting humility, but not the last, was the Fifth Step - in which I shared my Fourth Step list, the deepest darkest side of myself, with myself, God and another human being.

          In the Seventh Step we offer all of ourselves, the good and the bad, to God to do with us as He would have us do so that our human character defects do not manifest themselves in our behavior.  Another step in humility occurs as we go out and make our amends, reconciling the wrongs we have done in the past.  And finally in the Eleventh Step, where a recovered alcoholic resides, praying only for the knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out, can only be performed with a humble spirit.
       
          It is humility which unlocks the door to the grace of God. Only through a humbled spirit may we recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body.  Humility is absolutely necessary.   

Admit And Accept

    In the Step Book it tells us that a continuous look back at our liabilities and a real desire to grow by those means are necessities for us. We alcoholics have learned this the hard way. More experienced people, in all times and places, have practiced unsparing self-survey and criticism. The wise have always known that no human being can make much of their life until self-searching becomes a regular habit - until one is able to ADMIT AND ACCEPT what is found. 
          Through my daily inventory I can now admit and accept that my character defects are a part of my human nature, a part of my nature that cannot manifest itself if I am living in the will of God. I have come to understand that my human nature is defected and I must accept this about myself.
          In the program of Alcoholics Anonymous it is often said "let go and let God."  The "let go" part is turning from the incessant prompts of our human nature and the "let God" part is living in and thereby manifesting the will of God.  In the will of God, the raw nature of God, our character defects cannot be manifested in our behavior and it is here that our nature can be perfected as we become the human being that God created us to be.
          Self-survey is a most powerful tool of recovery.  

The Eighth Step - Another Chance To Pray For And Forgive

       As I began the fourth step of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous I faced the four column inventory of my resentments, fears and sexual conduct.  My sponsor suggested that I begin to pray for and forgive all of those on all of my lists.  In the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous there is a prayer for each of these lists - three prayers in total.
      The Eighth Step of Alcoholics Anonymous, "Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all," is yet another chance to pray for and forgive all those on all of my lists and to begin doing the same with any new situations that may arise.  We are already in possession of an Eighth Step list - extracted from our Fourth Step inventory.  As we begin to pray for and forgive we are also making a beginning on Steps Eleven and Twelve.
       Prayer and forgiveness are essential tools if we are to recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body  We learned in the Fourth Step that resentments toward others is the number one offender to a relationship with God, as we are called to love all, although we are never to be accepting of evil.
          The Eighth Step provides for us ANOTHER CHANCE TO PRAY FOR AND TO FORGIVE all those on our lists. This is necessary in order to bring the Spirit into our Ninth Step amends.    

Written by Armand
Edited by Caitlin Alexandra

The Folly Of Control

  The literature of Alcoholics Anonymous says as alcoholics, " Our egomania digs two disastrous pitfalls. Either we insist upon dominating the people we know, or we depend upon them far too much.  If we lean too heavily on people, they will sooner or later fail us, for they are human, too, and cannot possibly meet our incessant demands. In this way our insecurity grows and festers.  When we habitually try to manipulate others to our own willful desires, they revolt, and resist us heavily.  Then we develop hurt feelings, a sense of persecution, and a desire to retaliate.  As we redouble our efforts at control, and continue to fail, our suffering becomes acute and constant.  We have not once sought to be one in a family, to be a friend among friends, to be a worker among workers, to be a useful member of society.  Always we tried to struggle to the top of the heap, or to hide underneath it.  This self-centered behavior blocked a partnership relation with any one of those about us.  Of true brotherhood we had small comprehension."
         It is in the letting go of self and trusting in God that allows us to accept others as they are and to relinquish control.  The greatest gift I have received from the program of A.A. is to have true and honest relations with those around me.  We can learn how to interact with others through our interaction with God in the Eleventh Step.  We can learn how to love and how to allow ourselves to be loved   We can learn how not to interact with other personalities, which we can like or dislike, but rather to interact with the part of them that is good, the part of them that is God.
              It is in the letting go of self and the trusting in God that allows us to accept others as they are (and ourselves as we are).  This allows us not only to relinquish control but to have no need or desire to control at all.

Motivation To Complete Step Nine

    The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous says, "We have a list of all persons we have harmed and to whom we are willing to make amends.  Now we go out to our fellows and repair the damage done in our past.  We attempt to sweep away the debris that has accumulated out of our effort to live on self will and run the show ourselves.  If we haven't the will to do so , we ask until it comes (a ninth step prayer).   Remember, it was agreed upon at the beginning that we would go to any lengths for victory over alcohol."   It was difficult for me to find the person to share my Fourth Step with and to share the exact nature of my wrongs with God.  However, I did, and in doing so I found a sense of relief through the power of  forgiveness.  Now, here I am at Step Nine of the twelve steps of Alcoholics Anonymous and it is somewhat daunting, yet easier, as I now have the experience of God on my side.   The Fifth Step brought a sense of relief - the beginning of a serene life. For the first time since I was a small boy I felt the presence of God in my life.  I knew then that sobriety by itself was not enough, that I desired to be recovered. I knew that the solution was and is a vital spiritual experience and having a relationship with God in whom I trust. I therefore had plenty of motivation and desire to adopt the humility necessary to make amends to the people I had harmed - Step Nine.
          I learned through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous not to consider any harm that had been done to me. Besides, it was much easier to do so at that point as I was praying for and forgiving those on my list.  In the Big Book it states, "Under no condition do we criticize such a person or argue.  Simply we tell them that we will never get over our drinking until we do our utmost to straighten out the past.  We are there to sweep off our side of the street realizing that nothing worthwhile can be accomplished until we do so, never trying to tell them what they must do."
          This is how I approached the Ninth Step.  I began with my immediate family. Life is funny. Things don't always occur in what is perceived and assumed as the proper sequence.  My father had passed before I had any consciousness that I owed him an amends.  I went to his grave and grieved over his death and our life together.   My mother was having serious cognitive problems and, although I was able to make a verbal amends to her, the amends came as she was sinking deeper into her illness and when I was actually able to care for her.  My sister, who was shocked in my attempt to make amends to her, could only say, "Really? Really?!"  And on it went.  To those I could not see and to those that did not want to see me I sent a sincere and complete letter and prayed for the best for them.  It did become easier as I moved through the list.
          In the Fifth Step I began to feel serenity and now with the tasks of the Ninth Step complete, I had extricated myself, through the grace of God, from the past - I was free, maybe for the first time in my entire life

The Healing Of Fear

           Thereafter having admitted that I was alcoholic I soon found out that alcohol in and of itself was not my problem, but was the manifestation of my problem.  The true problem was self-centered fear - afraid that I was not going to get what I wanted and afraid that I was going to lose what I had.
                In the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous it says that, "When dealing with the fear problem, or any other problem, perhaps there is a better way as we are now on a different basis, the basis of trusting and relying upon God. We trust infinite God rather than finite self. We are in the world to play the role God assigns.  Just to the extent we do as we think God would have us do and humbly rely on God, does God enable us to match calamity with serenity. We never apologize to anyone for depending on our creator. We can laugh at those who think spirituality is the way of weakness. The verdict of the ages is that faith means courage. All possessors of faith have courage. They trust their God. We let God demonstrate through us what God can do. We ask God to remove our fear and direct our attention to what we should be doing.  At once, we commence to outgrow fear."
               The integration of the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous into my life led to a personal relationship with God. Prior to that occurring, fear haunted all of my being, was in all of my moments, driving all of my decisions in an attempt to satiate my instincts. I was afraid that I was not going to get what I wanted and afraid that I was going to lose what I had.  Today, in this moment, that can change. That will change for all of us if we are in alignment with God's will for us and we will then know a peace we have never before experienced.

How Will I Know What God's Will For Me Is?

      I am often asked,  "HOW WILL I KNOW WHAT GOD'S WILL FOR ME IS?"  The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous says "...that it is not probable that we are going to be inspired at all times. We might pay for this presumption in all sorts of absurd actions and ideas.  Nevertheless, we find that as time passes our thinking will be more and more on the plane of inspiration  We come to rely on it."  Inspiration is defined as "the thoughts of God implanted in the mind and soul of man."  Once the thoughts of God hit my soul I don't need to run it by my intellect to know it is the Truth.

          Although I am not yet capable of turning my will and my life over to the care of God in Step Three,  I AM capable of making a decision - a final choice - to do so.  Deciding from this day forward that I am willing to not allow my thought processes to be propelled by my human instincts but rather by the will of God through inspiration.   

          If you have already made that decision, may God bless you. If you have not, perhaps now would be the time for you to make it - to turn your thoughts and behavior over to the care of God and begin to live a life of peace.

The Functioning Piece Of Alcoholism

               I have learned through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous that I have three basic instincts: a social, a sexual and a security instinct.  These instincts are God given and necessary for life, but in me I can never get enough of  what it is I think I need.  The great psychiatrist Sigmund Freud defines an instinct as, "a bodily need manifested in our thought process".  So what occurs for us as alcoholics is that our instincts manifest themselves in our thought process and trigger our self-centered fears. 
              Through the 12 steps of the program I have learned that alcohol is but a symptom of our true malady - our true malady being self-centered fear. We are afraid that we are not going to get what we want and that we are going to lose what we have.  Once our fear is triggered we reach for our character defects in an attempt to satiate our instincts, but we can never get enough of what it is we think we need. We are then left running around chasing our tails, creating havoc in our lives but, more importantly, havoc in the lives of everyone around us.  This malady of self-centered fear is THE FUNCTIONING PIECE OF ALCOHOLISM.
                  The solution to the problem of alcoholism is a vital spiritual experience - we must give life to our relationship with God.  How? By letting go of our human nature so our thought process is no longer propelled by our instincts but rather by the will of God through inspiration,   

The Primary Characteristics Of An Alcoholic

        Today I was reminded of the work of Dr. Tiebout, a pioneering figure in the treatment of alcoholism and early supporter of Alcoholics Anonymous.  He concurred that "the characteristics of the so-called typical alcoholic are one who is narcissistic with an egocentric core, dominated by feelings of omnipotence and intent in maintaining, at all costs, their inner integrity."  In a careful study of a series of cases regarding the alcoholic by Sillman, Dr. Tiebout reported that Sillman felt he could discern the outlines of a common character structure among problem drinkers and that the best terms he could find to describe said group were, "defiant individuality and grandiosity."  Tiebout concurs with Sillman and states, "...inwardly the alcoholic brooks no control from God or man.  The alcoholic is and must be the master of their destiny."  Tiebout continues, "...granted the more or less constant presence of these character traits, it is easy to see how the person possessing them has difficulty in accepting spirituality and God.  Spirituality, by its demand that the individual acknowledge the presence of God, changes the very nature of the alcoholic.  So, if the alcoholic can use the spiritual tools of recovery and accept the concept of the presence of a power greater than themselves, then he or she by that very step modifies presently and possibly permanently his or her deepest inner structure and when done so without resentment or struggle then they are no longer typically alcoholic."
                 In my own experience with the disease of alcoholism, the belief in God in and of itself is not enough, as I had always had a belief in God.  That belief must also carry with it the component of TRUSTING in God to the point of making a decision to turn my will and my life over to His care.  All we have today is contingent upon our relationship with God - in this day and in this moment.  

Written by Armand

A Kernel

            The day I stood in the parking lot drunk such a long time ago a most fortunate event occurred. I bumped into the only person I knew who was in AA. Such kindness he showed me - by speaking with me and taking me to my first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting that very night.  It was there at that meeting that I raised my hand and said "my name is Armand and I am an alcoholic."  Some seven years passed from that first night until I admitted complete defeat.  Those seven intervening years proved difficult ones in my life as a direct result of alcohol.  Fortunately, I did survive a bottom those seven years produced from which I could push up from.
                Since admitting complete defeat I have been blessed with a passion for the program of Alcoholics Anonymous which has given me a life, - a REAL life. I know that in order to keep that life I must give it away.  In the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous it says, "the entire load must be given away."  It also states, "Our very lives as ex problem drinkers depends upon our constant thought of others."  In the rooms, when I see a newcomer or someone there for their first time to my home group I will walk up to them, shake their hand and introduce myself.  When anyone in AA asks for help of any kind, and certainly when I am asked by someone to take them through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous by reading the Big Book together, I say "Yes" - as perhaps that is the day they receive their KERNEL of faith, as I once did when I was blessed by another's kindness.  Through just a KERNEL of faith, maybe, just maybe, they will be on their way to recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body.

Written by Armand

I Don't Know If It's A Good Thing, I Don't Know If It's A Bad Thing.

        Many centuries ago there was a kingdom and in this kingdom there lived a farmer. The farmer owned a beautiful white stallion.  The king of the kingdom desired the farmer's beautiful white stallion so he sent an emissary to the farmer who offered the farmer a quarter of the king's kingdom for his beautiful white stallion. The farmer said, "No, as I love my beautiful white stallion." The very next day the beautiful white stallion ran away and all of the people from the village came running out to the farmer saying, "What a bad thing that happened to you, you could have had a quarter of the king's kingdom and now your beautiful white stallion has run away."  The farmer said, "I don't know if it's a good thing, I don't know if it's a bad thing, all I know is my beautiful white stallion has run away." 

          The very next day the farmer was in his field when he looked up on the hill beyond and saw his beautiful white stallion.  Behind his beautiful white stallion were four more white stallions just as beautiful as his. All the people from the village came running out to the farmer saying, "It's a good thing you didn't trade your beautiful white stallion for a quarter of the king's kingdom, as now you have FIVE beautiful white stallions. You could probably get half of the king's kingdom now!"  The farmer said, "I don't know if it's a good thing, I don't know if it's a bad thing, all I know is I now have five beautiful white stallions." 

          The very next day the farmer's son was breaking in one of the wild white stallions when he was thrown from the stallion and broke both of his legs.  So now, all the people from the village came running out to the farmer saying, "What a bad thing that has happened to you. You need your son to work in the fields and now he can't as he has two broken legs."  The farmer replied, "I don't know if it's a good thing, I don't know if it's a bad thing, all I know is that my son has two broken legs." 

         The very next day the kingdom goes to war and all the able-bodied men are drafted into the army after which they will go to the front end and they will surely die. The farmer's injured son could not go as he had two broken legs.  So, all the people from the village came running out to the farmer saying, "That is a good thing that your son was thrown from the wild white stallion and broke both his legs, as he would have been drafted into the army, been sent to the front end and would have surely died."  The farmer replied, "I don't know if it's a good thing, I don't know if it's a bad thing, all I know is my son can't go as he has two broken legs."

          The moral of the story is that we are not to judge what is occurring in our life as "good" or "bad", but to have faith and trust in God, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

Written by Armand

A Purpose Beyond Ourselves

        Alcoholics Anonymous, what a ride! Early on I heard, "I wouldn't trade my worst day in AA for my best day when I was out there."  I was skeptical of these proclamations, but the sincerity of those members' claims could not be questioned, as those people were just like me in that they suffered from an illness (yet they no longer had the struggle).  More importantly they seemed to be living enjoyable and fulfilling lives.  I discovered the similar characteristics of openness and a willingness to give among many of them as they seemed to have found a purpose beyond themselves in Alcoholics Anonymous and needed to disclose the full truth of themselves in order to grow in their purpose.  Now please understand, all of the above was difficult for me to accept because I came from an environment and a lifestyle where cynicism and skepticism were king and queen.  The only purpose I had in life was to satiate my instincts and my own selfish desires. 
                 I learned in Alcoholics Anonymous that alcohol is only a symptom of my true malady - self centered fear: afraid that I am not going to get what I want, afraid that I am going to lose what I have.  This fear propels us in our efforts to satiate our instincts and to provide for and meet the demands of our own selfish desires.  Integrating the program of Alcoholics Anonymous into our lives in such a way that it becomes our life takes us out of ourselves thence we are given the power to help others.  That we become capable of putting others' needs before our own is a direct result of the healing that occurs for us - this is a miracle.  We know when we have extracted a purpose (helping others who are just like us to recover from their alcoholism) from our problem we are indeed fulfilling A PURPOSE BEYOND OURSELVES.  

Written by Armand

Power Of Prayer And Meditation

           The Eleventh Step is the lifeline for the alcoholic.  "Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for the knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry it out."  Prayer and meditation were not something I initially incorporated into my practices of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.  Why?  I don't really know.  The only answer that I can come up with is that at some level I was still defiant, egotistical and lacked the humility necessary to pray and meditate daily.  I was talking the talk but not walking the walk.  I had worked the previous steps well and certainly to the best of my ability.  I was excited by the program of AA and all the promise it held for me but I have learned through experience that the human nature is a strong foe, unwilling to pray and meditate daily to improve on a conscious contact with God.  I had taken many people through the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.   I had read the first 164 pages of the Big Book hundreds of times and attended so many meetings that I can't begin to guess how many.  But prayer and meditation at the level necessary to perceive and do God's will, well that was not in my thoughts and therefore, not on my agenda.
                  Then one day, after a decade of sobriety, I came home from the gym and stepped out of the car experiencing such sever pain that I fell to the ground.  I was unable to move for what seemed like such a long time but in reality was only a minute or so.  I had suffered from back problems most of my adult life but I had never experienced such severe pain.  The subsequent M.R.I. disclosed seven herniated discs, an arthritic spine, spinal stenosis, degenerative vertebrae and a degenerated left hip.  This left me unable to function.  I spent the next twelve months of my life incapacitated, ten months of which I was unable to sit as I had to stand or lay.  The medical community offered me a solution of surgery with a 15% chance of some improvement, heavy blood loss and five to six hours on the operating table.  The surgeon said that the surgery was so difficult that he would only encourage it if I could no longer tolerate the pain.
                 I was directed to a kind and loving doctor who has the ability to identify emotional blocks that prevent healing.  After some months of treatment and with some improvement he said to me as I was lying on the table, "I am picking up energy of a resentful nature."  As soon as he said this I instantly and clearly identified my mom, my dad, and my sister - all of whom I had made amends to and prayed to forgive but at some level deep down inside the cells of my body I was unable to bring about the healing needed to release this resentful energy.
                When I returned home I immediately began to pray and meditate and did so on a daily basis as I was unable to function, in severe pain and incapable of complete forgiveness for my family.  After several days I experienced a forgiveness for my family emanating from deep within.  This experience of forgiveness, through the grace of God,  was brought about by the daily practice of prayer and meditation.  On the 14th of June in the year 2001, while meditating, I knew for the first time in my life that my life was worth something.  I had never had that feeling before.  At the age of 54, after 11 years of sobriety, I had self esteem.  My prayer for you is that if you haven't already you will incorporate daily prayer and meditation into your life.  

Transformation

               In Chapter 2 of Alcoholics Anonymous titled "There Is A Solution" it is stated, "These observations would be academic and pointless if our friend never took the first drink, thereby setting the terrible cycle in motion.  Therefore, the main problem of the alcoholic centers in his mind, rather than in his body." So, although it is true that an alcoholic has a physical allergy it is the mental obsession which is of the utmost importance.
                Alcoholism is a unique disease in that it is two-fold.  We have a physical allergy which ensures us that each and every time we put alcohol or substances of any addictive nature into our system we get sick and we get drunk or we have the rush we chase after until we get into all kinds of trouble.  But of even more importance is that we have this mental obsession, which ensures that even though we don't want to drink and/or use, sooner or later our minds will tell us it's okay to do so. We will put the alcohol or the substance into our system thereby triggering the physical allergy and we will get loaded once again.
               Dr. Silkworth, the medical benefactor of Alcoholics Anonymous, in the letter he supplied to AA suggests that the thought processes of the alcoholic mind had to be transformed.  His letter goes on to state that this transformation of thought must occur and is essential if an alcoholic is to recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body.  In Bill's story he says, "Simple, but not easy, a price had to be paid. It meant destruction of self centeredness. I must turn in all things to the Father of Light who presides over us all" - a clear description of the transformation which must occur.
                This transformation of thought was difficult for me, even though I understood that it must occur. The difficulty was that I had no understanding of the power and pervasiveness of my human nature and how all-encompassing it is.  I felt a lot of fear in attempting to let go of my mind which was propelled by my human instinct as it was all that I had ever known.  But it is here, in this time and at this moment, when I want to let go and know I need to let go. It is here in this moment now that I must trust in God so that through His grace the transformation of thought may happen. 

An Admission Is Required

        Step One in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous requires an admission to our innermost self that we are alcoholic.  As difficult as this is, we see the progression not only in the amount of alcohol we consumed but the negative effects the alcohol was having on our bodies and on our lives. This realization comes after we declare, "I am an alcoholic" (or "I am an addict") and after we had a desire not to drink and not to use.  We had to make an admission that we were powerless over alcohol, over drugs, over our reckless behaviors, and that our lives had indeed become unmanageable.  We drank, used, and behaved the way our disease willed us to and so many of us relapsed time and time again over events and circumstances in our lives. The happenstances of our lives are only excuses as the real reason we lapsed was because we only wanted or had one foot in the program, and one foot out of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.
          In Chapter Five of the "Big Book" of Alcoholics Anonymous entitled "How It Works" states, "Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program."  We can chose not to thoroughly follow the path and so we do not completely give ourselves to this simple program as we are so very defiant by nature.  The result of such defiance is relapse (if we are lucky, death if we are not).
          It is true that an admission is required.  It is true that we must admit complete defeat.  It is true that our lives are unmanageable. It is true that we must admit to our innermost self that we are alcoholic, that we are addict, that we are amok with disease.  It is true that we must surrender to the program of AA.  Once we have made all of these admissions we must integrate the program of AA into our lives in such a way that it becomes our life.  Then maybe, just maybe, for the first time in our existence we will have a life... a real life...a joyful, loved-filled life.

Written by Armand
Edited by Caitlin Alexandra

Our True Malady

        In the Big Book Alcoholics Anonymous in the chapter "How It Works" it states, "The first requirement (for the taking of the Third Step) is that we be convinced that any life run on self will can hardly be a success.  Remember that we deal with alcohol - cunning, baffling, powerful!  Without help it is too much for us.  But there is One who has all power - that One is God. May you find Him now!"  It also says "Selfishness - self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles... So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making... and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so.  Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness... And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid."
       We have learned through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous that we have three basic instincts. These instincts are God given and necessary for life, but in me I can never get enough of what it is I think I need.  The great psychiatrist Sigmund Freud defines an instinct as "a bodily need manifested in our thought process."  What occurs for us as an alcoholic is our instincts manifest themselves in our thought process and trigger our self-centered fear.  We learned through the program that alcohol is but a symptom of OUR TRUE MALADY. Any addiction is such. OUR TRUE MALADY is self-centered fear: afraid that we are not going to get what we want, afraid that we will lose what we have.  Once our fear is triggered we reach for our character defects in an attempt to satiate our instincts. The only problem is that in us we can never get enough of what it is that we think we need, then we run around chasing our tails creating havoc in our lives - but more importantly, havoc in the lives of everyone around us.  This is the functioning piece of alcoholism.
        As an alcoholic we have a compulsive need to defend our basic human instincts, often to an extreme.  This manifestation of our character defects is a result of our self-centered fear that permeates our lives.  Alcohol is but a symptom of OUR TRUE MALADY. OUR TRUE MALADY is SELF-CENTERED FEAR.

Written by Armand
Edited by Caitlin Alexandra

We Can't Solve the Problem With the Problem

            Our lives were lived to constantly fuel and satisfy our desires.  We protected our instincts that were warped by fear and self-absorption.  We lived our lives in defiance wrapped around our own self-centeredness - with extreme sensitivity and grandiosity.  Our nature could never initiate or sustain true, honest relations with other human beings. We were forever searching outside of ourselves, completely unaware that the solution to our problem lay within. These lives we lived, fueled by fear and insatiable desires to appease our human instincts, became so anxiety-filled that we increasingly sought escape as a way to experience ease and comfort within.  We were a contradiction unto ourselves.
            As for myself, the escape was the increasing use of alcohol that led to addiction. I sought control over my addiction but to no avail. This inability to control created a series of very negative consequences in my life. I was driven by a self-will that knew no boundaries. I constantly attempted to fix the problem with my own internal drive.  I was trying to solve my problem with my problem.  We cannot ever solve the problem with the problem.
                I was unaware of the uniqueness of the disease... in that it is two-fold.  We have a physical allergy, which ensures that each and every time we put the substance(s) into our system we will get sick, drunk/high, and into all kinds of trouble. But, more importantly, we have a mental obsession which ensures that even though we don't want to drink or use or behave in such a way our disease wants us to, sooner or later our minds will tell us it's ok. We will satiate our desires, we will trigger the physical allergy and we will ultimately succumb to the hand of addiction. Time after time, using our minds to create a way to control our disease and always failing to do so is proof to us that we can't solve the problem with the problem.
               The solution to our problem with alcohol, with drugs, and with every problem borne from our defective, ill nature is a relationship with God. Through a vital spiritual experience which we temper and enlighten with prayer and meditation we foster such a relationship.  The experience occurs in our lives when the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous are integrated into it. We practice the steps in such a way that they become our lives so that the problem will be solved.

Written by Armand
Edited by Caitlin Alexandra

Trust In God

There is an old Biblical story which relates to having trust in God.  When the Jewish people left Egypt, "The Exodus", God had prepared a land for them - The Promised Land.  The Promised Land was an eleven day journey from Egypt. Moses sent a scout from each of the twelve tribes to explore The Promised Land and report back. They reported that the area was magnificent, a land flowing with milk and honey, but the people there are powerful and the cities well fortified. What's more, "we saw giants seven to nine feet tall". This caused fear in the people. The only scouts willing to face their fear (by trusting in God) were Caleb and Joshua, both willing to enter The Promised Land. The Jewish people decided not to enter. For the next forty years the Jews wandered around in the wilderness until all those who were over twenty at the time had died.  Once again, they stood at The Promised Land and only Caleb and Joshua who were over twenty from forty years ago were allowed to enter as they had been willing to face their fears by trusting in God.
         We each have our own exodus from our own addiction. We became weary of wandering around the wilderness alone. We were ill. We were finished. We face our fears by trusting in God and we enter The Promised Land - a land of serenity, peace and joy. Are you ready?  Have you come to believe that a power greater than yourself could restore you to sanity? Have you come to trust in that power?

Written by Armand
Edited by Caitlin Alexandra

Sponsorship

         I have had the privilege of working with many people in Alcoholics Anonymous. I have worked with all walks of life: male and female, rich and poor, young and old, believers and non believers, Christians, Jews and Muslims. I do the same thing with everyone - I always have the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous between them and me. I simply open the book and we begin reading at the preface. As we read the book we discuss the material. I don't change anything for anyone. The solution, a vital spiritual experience, is the solution regardless of what their problem may be in addition to their addiction. Obviously, if a person has mental problems then additional help is necessary for them.  I never tell anyone what they must do - I just follow the material and incorporate the Twelve Steps as we move through it all: A practice that can be replicated by anyone.   
          I know that my behavior is being observed.  Not just whether I can "talk the talk" but more importantly can I "walk the walk".  Am I practicing the principles of AA?  In the forward of The Twelve And Twelve it says, "The twelve steps are a group of principles, spiritual in nature, which if practiced as a way of life can expel the obsession to drink and enable the sufferer to become happily and usefully whole."
          The following is what my sponsees see in me: I am responsible. When asked to take someone through the book of Alcoholics Anonymous, I say yes. I never consider whether I have enough time...  I simply just make it work.  There isn't a greater exercise one can participate in than to help another recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. Nothing. We meet once a week for an hour and I only cancel if I have an urgent family matter or if I am doing step work with another. My emotional state rarely, if ever, changes one week to the next as I am serene and at peace.  I never prepare for a meeting as I am dependent upon and trusting in God.  Again, I never tell another what they must do as it is their recovery. It is their relationship with God.  I am the example, not the taskmaster.
               When we live this life in AA we become happily and usefully whole.  Let us share in this legacy.  

Written by Armand
Edited by Caitlin Alexandra

Become the Being that God Created

          When I first walked through the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous I had no idea what to expect. Though quickly I was able to see what worked in others -  a belief in and dependence upon God.  As Bill once said "Would I have it? Of course I would."
          The Sixth Step of the program of  Alcoholics Anonymous is "We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character."  We learn through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous that alcohol is but a symptom of our true malady, our true malady is in fact self-centered fear. We are afraid we are not going to get what we want, afraid that we are going to lose what we have.  Once our fears are triggered we reach for our character defects in an attempt to satiate our human instincts.  The dictionary defines defect as, "the lack of something necessary for completion or perfection."
          We learn in the Fourth Step of the program that it is necessary to find out what it is about us that keeps the Grace of God from our lives. It is in doing this that we discover the exact nature of our wrongs, as we make the list of our defects. In the Fifth Step of the program we confess our character defects.  Then, in the Sixth Step, we are entirely ready and willing to have these defects removed.
          It is our character defects that keep us from the perfection of God - from becoming the human being God created each of us to be and not the self-centered people who care only for their human desires and what they think they need in life.  A person who is willing to use almost any means necessary to fulfill their desires is sick.
          With all of our human flaws we can become the being God created us to be when we turn from our human nature and surrender to His will.

Written by Armand
Edited by Caitlin Alexandra

The Root Of The Problem

         It is through all our experience with our character defects that we've realized and recognized, set boundaries and applied cognitive therapy and behavioral modification but all to no avail - using these methods is like applying a band aid to a festering sore. What we really must do is get to the root of the problem. Our character defects exist in our human nature, not in the will of God. Therefore, if we are willing to perform the work necessary for the Spirit to be awakened within us by living in the back half of The Eleventh Step, "Praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out" (Alcoholics Anonymous) , our character defects will not and cannot possibly manifest in our behaviors. The power to carry out such knowledge must come from God, as our human nature will only try to sustain our selfish desires. Once we have taken this step we have pulled the root of the problem from it's poisonous soils.

          Some of us have learned through our experiences that we must do this - turn from our human nature and live in the will of God - if our character defects are not to exist in our behavior. Many of us have not.  In Alcoholics Anonymous it is often said, "Let go and let God."  The "let go" part is in the letting go of our thought process propelled by our human instincts. The "let God" part is thereafter, in which we surrender to the idea that God will propel our thought process through His inspiration.  Inspiration is defined as "the thoughts of God implanted in the mind and soul of man."  When this transformation of thought has occurred, the root of the problem has truly been healed.         

 

The Bright Spot of Our Lives

         As sponsors in Alcoholics Anonymous we must live the principles of the program if we are to have the integrity it takes to present the principles of AA to others.  We have come to understand that our very lives as ex-problem drinkers are dependent upon the lives we are called to help.  Our lives take on a purpose and meaning that we have not experienced before.
         In the "Big Book" of Alcoholics Anonymous in the chapter "Working With Others" it states,

                "Practical experience shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as                       intensive work with other alcoholics... You can help when no one else can... Remember                       they are very ill.  Life will take on a new meaning.  To watch people recover, to see them                     help others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a fellowship grow up about you, to have a                       host of friends - this is an experience you must not miss.  We know you will not want to                       miss it.  Frequent contact with newcomers and with each other is the bright spot of our                         lives."

         There is nothing that we can do with ourselves that is more important then helping someone else recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. Nothing. In order for this recovery to occur for them in its purest form, those we are helping must develop a personal relationship with God. It is through such a relationship with Him that they will recover. It is through this relationship that they will know serenity, peace and joy, maybe even for the first time in their lives.
         Obviously none of this can possibly occur for others if it has not occurred for us - as we cannot give away that which we don't have. Live this life through Him and in helping others do the same, you will be living within the bright spot of your life.

Another Way To Look At Step Ten

         I like to think of the Tenth Step of the AA program as a hallway - a hallway that I must walk down in order to come into the room in which I can live with God. This hallway needs daily repair as the ceiling is leaking, there are holes in the walls and the floor is buckled. Fortunately, the program of Alcoholics Anonymous has given us an instructional manual so that we can pass through, although we may be encumbered at first.
         Another way to look at this is as if God is the light and my human defects are a clouded glass which no light can shine through.  As I begin to incorporate the program of AA into my life and begin to develop a relationship with God, some of the glass clears and some of the light shines through.  As I continue to incorporate the Twelve Steps into my life, the glass clears even more and even more of the light shines through.  Finally, the day arrives when the glass is transparent and all of the light shines through and it is in this moment that I am one with God and free of the manifestation of my character defects.
          Incorporate the Tenth Step into your daily existence and, eventually, into all your waking moments. We must be persistent. Persistence is the time between the promise of God and the provision of God. Thereafter, a life free of anxiety, fear and resentment can be experienced; cloaked in harmony, peace and serenity.

Written by Armand
Edited by Caitlin Alexandra

The Genesis

          In 1930 a member of the Oxford Group and an alcoholic, Roland Hazzard, visited on more than one occasion with the noted psychiatrist Dr. Carl Jung. After Roland failed to cease drinking multiple times Dr. Jung gave to him the solution for alcoholism -- a vital spiritual experience. Spiritual defined as "of or pertaining to God" and vital as "life giving".  We have to give life to our experience with God. This is accomplished by surrendering our nature to the will of God.
          During what became a historic visit Dr Jung said to Roland, "You have the mind of a chronic alcoholic. I have never seen one single case recover where the state of mind existed to the extent that it does in you."  Our friend felt as though the gates of hell had closed on him with a clang. He said to the doctor, "Is there no exception?" "Yes," replied the doctor, "there is. Exceptions to cases such as yours have been occurring since early times. Here and there, once in a while, alcoholics have had what are called vital spiritual experiences."
           I recant these passages from the chapter There Is A Solution in the "Big Book" of Alcoholics Anonymous to make clear that we do know there is a solution to our alcoholism and that solution is indeed a vital spiritual experience. THE GENESIS of that life-giving experience is God. May you find him now.  
          If you are alcoholic or suffer from the disease of addiction and you wish to recover from the seemingly hopeless state of mind and body, surrender your will to the will of God and you will live in this solution to your alcoholism.

Written by Armand
Edited by Caitlin Alexandra

What Was Our Choice To Be.

        I had admitted I was alcoholic. I believed in God. I drank twice while a member of Alcoholics Anonymous - once for thirteen months and once for ninety days. Only after the second relapse did I fully realized that I had to make a choice. As the "Big Book" of Alcoholics Anonymous says, "When we became alcoholics, crushed by a self-imposed crisis we could not postpone or evade, we had to fearlessly face the proposition that either God is everything or else He is nothing. God either is or He isn't. WHAT WAS OUR CHOICE TO BE?" 

         Early on I chose - God is everything. When I made that choice I had no idea of the power of the human instinct, how pervasive it is and how difficult it would be to turn from my nature and to live in the will of God. The second relapse brought me to a state of reasonableness in which I clearly saw that the surrender had to be absolute. In Bill's Story in the "Big Book" it says "Simple, but not easy; a price had to be paid. It meant destruction of self-centeredness. I must turn in all things to the Father of Light who presides over us all." What will you chose - He is and He is everything or the nothingness which envelops one in the darkness? 

Written by Armand 

Edited by Caitlin Alexandra

No Need To Create A Past

          The program of Alcoholics Anonymous has in place the fabric necessary to weave through and heal our character defects - whether they surface in our daily or our spot check inventories.  If and when necessary we use the Ninth Step which is, "Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others."  If we decide that an amend is necessary we immediately make it in an effort to live in the present. Only in the present can we be in the will of God, where His grace saves us from creating another past which we will need to extricate ourselves from. Once performed, we thread into the necessary fabric The Seventh Step, "Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings."  If our actions cause us to have any shame or guilt, we then use the Fifth Step of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, "Admitted to God, to ourselves and another human being the exact nature of our wrongs" so that we may be living in the present with a clean slate and a serene mind.
          If we are willing to take our inventories, make our amends, ask God to remove our defects, and share our wrongs with ourselves, God and another human being there will be NO NEED TO CREATE A PAST.  We will have the freedom to exist in the present - in the will of God.
           As alcoholics we have worked hard to free ourselves from our past. If we are willing to weave the program of Alcoholics Anonymous into our lives in such a way that it becomes our life than the creation of a past that, at least subconsciously, is having a negative effect on our present consciousness, will not occur. This is a critical tool in permanent recovery.

An Awakened Life

       We admitted complete defeat; we put our absolute trust in God; we made a decision for our thought process to be propelled by the will of God and not by our human intellect; we asked God to remove anything and everything objectionable from us; we made our amends; we learned through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous and through our life experiences that we must pray and meditate daily. Now, through the grace of God, we are living in this moment in His will and are the very living example of the power of the program of AA. This has and will occur for all of us in whom the Spirit has been awakened. Once the Spirit has been awakened we are then given the power to help others, not only through our words but more importantly, through our behavior. We are acutely aware that in our quest to help others we cannot possibly give away that which we don't have.

       As a result of integrating into our lives the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, we are given the power to help others. It is a wondrous event to see others live AN AWAKENED LIFE. We experience a fulfillment in our own lives as we watch them recover into loving and giving human beings.

The Main Problem

      The "Big Book" of Alcoholics Anonymous says, "But what about the real alcoholic? He may start off as a moderate drinker; he may or may not become a continuous hard drinker; but at some stage of his drinking career he begins to lose all control of his liquor consumption, once he starts to drink. We know that while the alcoholic keeps away from drink... he reacts much like other men. We are equally positive that once he takes any alcohol whatever into his system, something happens, both in the bodily and mental sense, which makes it virtually impossible for him to stop.  The experience of any alcoholic will abundantly confirm this.  These observations would be academic and pointless if the alcoholic never took the first drink thereby setting the terrible cycle in motion.  Therefore, the main problem of the alcoholic centers in his mind, rather then in his body." 
        If the problem centers in our minds and we use our reasoning power in an attempt to solve our problem, than we are trying to solve our problem with our problem.  This will never work, as many of our own experiences prove.  We continued to drink alcoholically even though we knew we shouldn't and after which we certainly did not want to.  Lack of power - that is our dilemma. We must find a new source of power to propel our thoughts.  Our thought process can no longer be propelled by our human instincts but rather by the will of God through inspiration.
       Once we find that source of power - that is God.  We have subrogated our thought process to the His will and we are now at peace.  Our prayer, at this and each moment, is that anyone who suffers from addiction, whether actively or not, may find God as the very chief source of their power.   .     
 

Discovery Through Inventory

           My experience has taught me the value of the daily inventory and all that can be discovered and transformed as we move away from the instincts of our human nature and progress into the world of the spirit.  I have realized there is no need to wait until the end of the day, as I can address the manifestation of my defects as they occur.  The Step Book of Alcoholics Anonymous says "there is the spot check inventory taken at any time of the day that we find ourselves getting tangled up."  I find the spot check inventory to be invaluable.  It may be as simple as identifying unkind thoughts that I may have of people who are not like me in appearance or beliefs, so that I can identify this and deal with it as it is happening and not have to wait until the end of the day to address it.
                When we have completed the first nine steps of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous we have extricated ourselves from the past as we our free of the shame and guilt we carried for years.  By implementing the daily inventory and then eventually moving into the spot check inventory, we can now deal with the manifestation of our character defects as they occur in the present so that in this moment and at this time we are free of the instincts of our human nature and one with God
                We have dealt with and released our past and now we are free of the bondage of self and at peace in the will of God.  DISCOVERY THROUGH INVENTORY is a tool of recovery available so as not to create another unpleasant past that is carried with us into the present.    

A Beautiful Life

          The "Big Book" Alcoholics Anonymous states, in reference to the Ninth Step and the Promises, "If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are halfway through.  We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.  We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.  We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.  No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.  That feeling of uselessness and self pity will disappear.  We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.  Self-seeking will slip away.  Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.  Fear of people and economic insecurity will leave us.  We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.  We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves."
            If we are willing to surrender to the will of God through the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous then we can be free of the manifestation of our character defects in our behavior.  Our self-centered life will begin its departure as we experience serenity and peace - peace which allows us to perceive life in a way that is joyful. We can then respond to that joy with love for others even though the circumstances of our lives may be unchanged. This love for others is the expression of us experiencing a beautiful life.

Written by Armand
Edited by Caitlin Alexandra

The Fourth Dimension Of Life

                 In the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous it says "we shall describe some of the states that precede a relapse into drinking, for obviously this is the crux of the problem.  What sort of thinking dominates an alcoholic who repeats time after time the experiment of the first drink.....therefore the main problem of the alcoholic centers in the mind rather than in the body."
                If our thought processes are propelled by the will of God rather than our human instinct then we will not drink and  our character defects cannot manifest themselves in our behavior.  Our character has been perfected as we are now the human being God created us to be.
                In  THE FOURTH DIMENSION OF LIFE  we become a human being that cares about others in a genuine way and wants to help others.  We think of others needs before our own.  In the Big Book of AA it states "our very lives as ex problem drinkers depends upon our constant thoughts of others and how we may help meet their needs."
                We use all the tools of recovery but above all we must turn from our human nature and live in the will of God and by doing so we will live a human life we could have only imagined as we will manifest THE FOURTH DIMENSION OF LIFE.  A life free of the bondage of self.        

Experience The Third Step Prayer

Having admitted complete defeat; having admitted to our innermost self that we were alcoholic; having come to the understanding that human power could not overcome our alcoholism; having begun to trust in God as a solution to our problem -- we were now at Step Three. Step Three occurred when we decided, when we made a final choice, to turn our will (which is our thoughts) and our life (which is our behavior) over to the care of God.  Going forward from Step Three we make this final choice that our thought process will no longer be propelled by our human instinct but rather by the will of God. 

          We get down on our knees and bow our heads praying, "God I offer myself to thee - To build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!"

          This is an important and critical step for the beginning of the transformation of our thought process, which is essential and must occur, if we are to recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body.  However, this is only the beginning.  Now that we have taken a Third Step we must complete the remaining steps so that the transformation of our thought process is complete.  Once completed, we can receive the full benefits of the Third Step Prayer. We can trust in God for not only a solution to our addiction but as a solution to all of our problems.

Reliance Not Defiance

           In the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous it says "When we encountered A.A., the fallacy of our defiance was revealed.  At no time had we asked what God's will was for us; instead we had been telling Him what it ought to be. No man, we saw, could believe in God and defy Him, too. Belief meant RELIANCE, NOT DEFIANCE. In A.A. we saw the fruits of this belief: men and women spared from alcohol's final catastrophe. We saw them meet and transcend their other pains and trials. We saw them calmly accept impossible situations, seeking neither to run nor to recriminate.  This was not only faith; it was faith that worked under all conditions. We soon concluded that whatever price in humility we must pay, we would pay."

               Reliance upon God is the basis of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous; humility is the key which unlocks the door to the grace of God.  The Twelve Steps of A.A. move us from developing a faith in God to trusting in God and finally a true reliance upon God in every area of our life.  This relationship with Him allows us to transcend the travails of life in such a way that we are not self-centered and caught in our own needs and problems. Rather, we are trusting in the will of God as it unfolds in our life - freeing us to be open to the world around us and sensitive to the needs of others.