I have learned through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous that I have three basic
instincts: a social, a sexual and a security instinct. These instincts are
God given and necessary for life, but in me I can never get enough of
what it is I think I need. The great psychiatrist Sigmund Freud defines
an instinct as, "a bodily need manifested in our thought process". So
what occurs for us as alcoholics is that our instincts manifest themselves
in our thought process and trigger our self-centered fears.
Through the 12 steps of the program I have learned that alcohol is but a symptom of our true
malady - our true malady being self-centered fear. We are afraid that we are not
going to get what we want and that we are going to lose what we
have. Once our fear is triggered we reach for our character defects in
an attempt to satiate our instincts, but we can never get enough
of what it is we think we need. We are then left running around chasing our tails, creating havoc in our lives but, more importantly, havoc in the lives of
everyone around us. This malady of self-centered fear is THE FUNCTIONING PIECE OF ALCOHOLISM.
The solution to the problem of alcoholism is a vital
spiritual experience - we must give life to our relationship with
God. How? By letting go of our human nature so our thought process
is no longer propelled by our instincts but rather by the will of God
through inspiration,
I believe that you have iterated not only what is necessary to recover from alcoholism but what is essential to living my life as it was intended for me to live it. In other words, with an awareness of my spiritual construction and the ability to become awakened to my true self through a vital spiritual experience. I drank because I was both full of myself and empty at the same time, an unbearable condition at least for me. Deep down within me, I sensed something that I did not know. My inner-self was without purpose, direction or true love. The Steps of AA led me within where I found The Power to inspire me. As a result of understanding The Power and The Purpose, I live today in a full way, available to myself and to the world. Deep down within me today, I know Something that I can sense without thinking. The presence of Love and the Gift of sharing it with others. This is the functioning piece of Recovery.
ReplyDeleteMichael just love when you wrote "I know Something that I can sense without thinking." For a Recovered Alcoholic this awareness is the presence of God...Thank You...Armand
DeleteI always wanted more. I was relentless in my reach for more of what I convinced myself I needed - more alcohol, more pills, more affection, more of anything that filled my vast void and made me feel temporarily, and deceivingly, whole. Only the Lord and His work in and of others are to thank for my release from such a lost and lonely isolation. I reigned over my own life and destructed using my own will for so long that my life and the joy I breathe from it now are none other than miraculous results of a pure and deliberate Saving. The functioning piece of this disease is anything but - for in all its dysfunction the suffering was borne. Through thoughtless acts my instincts were demonstrated. My inner soul, to the very pit of my selfish being, was a betrayal of honesty, goodness and, most of all, love. The looming head of this sickness tries to show itself in my behaviors - every day my thoughts and motives must be turned over to Him who has the power to suppress and even rid them - or all I am is an untreated infection of ego and selfishness. May I always remember to give life to Him and to Him IN me, for without such remembrance I will lose the breathe of life I have been gifted.
ReplyDeleteCaitlin as an alcoholic suffering from self centered fear, if my thought process is propelled by my human instinct than I will use my character defects in an attempt to satiate my fear. The solution is a vital spiritual experience. I must give life to my relationship with God There my thought process is propelled by the thoughts of God and there my behavior is loving rather than selfish...Thank you...Armand
DeleteThis comment is from A Grateful Recovering Alcoholic
ReplyDeleteYes, I lived out that hyper exaggerated delusional belief in my own importance. I justified every unrestrained journey into my God given appetites with unholy zeal. I deliberately left God out of the equation. I was a bottomless layer of gilt and shame terrified by the ever-present fear of having my true self discovered and inner "daemons" exposed. There was... no good in me to be found. To be honest, there was no me at all. Just a self created caricature, a mere bundle of personas alternately exercised to gain acceptance and ultimate possession of the person, place or thing I craved.
Yet, the effects of God's presence were everywhere and all about me. In overheard conversations, the random kindness of a stranger, witnessed displays of true love and affection, a baby's furtive glance. That was the life I craved in fleeting moments of sanity.
It was the impossible desire of becoming a part of that world that finally drove me to my knees and the Ultimate Author of that vision. I finally began to apprehend the radical change encountered in "How it Works." I asked for His protection and care with complete abandon and as I laid that wretched life before Him all the accumulated gilt and shame of 37 years fled into infinity... And miraculously, in its place, now resides the very Holy Spirit of God. The memory of that first encounter is as fresh in my mind as it was some 28 years ago. Today, I'm strangely thankful I discovered alcohol and the inevitable misery it brings. Without it, I would never have walked through the doors and into the fellowship of AA. I would have never encountered the Steps that lead to the "Peace of God that surpasses all understanding." (Philippians 4:7) I would never have come to know my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. And my beloved brother, neither would you.
A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic
A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic Thank you so much for sharing your experience with us...Armand
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