Thereafter having admitted that I was alcoholic I soon
found out that alcohol in and of itself was not my problem, but was the manifestation of my problem. The true problem was self-centered
fear - afraid that I was not going to get what I wanted and afraid that I
was going to lose what I had.
In the Big Book of
Alcoholics Anonymous it says that, "When dealing with the fear problem,
or any other problem, perhaps there is a better way as we are now on a
different basis, the basis of trusting and relying upon God. We trust
infinite God rather than finite self. We are in the world to play the
role God assigns. Just to the extent we do as we think God would have
us do and humbly rely on God, does God enable us to match calamity with
serenity. We never apologize to anyone for depending on our creator. We
can laugh at those who think spirituality is the way of weakness. The
verdict of the ages is that faith means courage. All possessors of
faith have courage. They trust their God. We let God demonstrate
through us what God can do. We ask God to remove our fear and direct
our attention to what we should be doing. At once, we commence to
outgrow fear."
The integration of the Twelve Steps
of Alcoholics Anonymous into my life led to a personal relationship
with God. Prior to that occurring, fear haunted all of my being, was in
all of my moments,
driving all of my decisions in an attempt to satiate my instincts. I
was afraid that I was not going to get what I wanted and afraid that I
was
going to lose what I had. Today, in this moment, that can change. That
will
change for all of us if we are in alignment with God's will for us and
we will then know a peace we have never before experienced.
Sometimes I find myself living as though everything I have and all that I am will surely slip away if I loosen my grip. My grip is the embodiment of fear that pierces every aspect of my human nature. My nature is tied to an identity which has been sculpted by this disease and by the phenomenons of my personal history. The twelve steps of this program have liberated me from old thinking, old ways, and grips which only I had illusioned would keep me "safe" (when really, any and all illusions I conceived kept me imprisoned in danger). Through the decision to turn my will and my life over to God and the trust placed in God to direct me thereafter I have dimmed my thoughts and behaviors with His aid and placed in the forefront of my very life and breath His plan and His direction. Living in such a way, separated from my once intimate relationship with fear, is not yet complete or absolute - I must believe and trust that He has me in His grasp now in this moment, each day reminding myself through prayer and meditation that with such surrendering I am cloaked in His care.
ReplyDeleteCaitlin just love when you wrote "I have dimmed my thoughts and behaviors with His aid and placed in the forefront of my very life and breath His plan and His direction." The third Step is a decision, a final choice, to turn our thoughts and behavior over to the care of God. We always think before we act and if our thoughts are propelled by the will of God our behavior will improve. That process to do so occurs in Step Eleven but the decision to do so is the purpose of Step Three...Thank you...Armand
ReplyDeleteNothing has been a bigger benefit of sobriety than trusting. Without trust, all I had was fear. That is proven by the manifestation of my lower self in the persona of an alcoholic. Through The Twelve Steps I've learned that this was not the form my humanity was created to live. While AA promises progress not perfection, our model is perfection, and that is the goal toward which I strive each day. No longer am I tormented by the underlying feeling that I am alone, the absolute greatest contributor of my former fear-based life. I am not worried about doing "the next right thing." Instead, I am comforted by the certainty of The Power Within me. Each moment of each day, the opportunity to trust is presented to me as the gift of that day.
ReplyDeleteMichael One cannot have a faith that heals without trust. In the Second Step we begin to trust that God can restore us to our right minds. Without that the decision to turn our thoughts and our behavior over to the care of God in Step Three will never propel an alcoholic through the remaining Steps in an effective way...Thank you...Armand
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