Alcoholics Anonymous, what a ride! Early on I heard, "I
wouldn't
trade my worst day in AA for my best day when I was out there." I was
skeptical of these proclamations, but the sincerity of those members'
claims could not be
questioned, as those people were just like me in that they suffered
from an illness (yet they no longer had the struggle). More importantly
they seemed to be living enjoyable and fulfilling lives. I discovered
the similar characteristics of openness and a willingness to give among
many of them as they seemed to have found a
purpose beyond themselves in Alcoholics Anonymous and needed to disclose
the full truth of themselves in order to grow in their purpose. Now
please understand, all of
the above was difficult for me to accept because I came from an
environment and a lifestyle where cynicism and skepticism were king and
queen. The only purpose I had in life was to satiate my
instincts and my own selfish desires.
I learned
in Alcoholics Anonymous that alcohol is only a symptom of my true
malady - self centered fear: afraid that I am not
going to get what I want, afraid that I am going to lose what I have.
This fear propels us in our efforts to satiate our instincts and to
provide for and meet the demands of our own selfish desires.
Integrating the program of
Alcoholics Anonymous into our lives in such a way that it becomes our
life takes us out of ourselves thence we are given the power to
help others. That we become capable of putting others' needs before
our
own is a direct result of the healing that occurs for us - this is a
miracle. We know when we have extracted a purpose (helping
others who are just like us to recover from their alcoholism) from our
problem we are indeed fulfilling A PURPOSE BEYOND OURSELVES.
Written by Armand
There came a point in my life of excessive excess where I was simply overstuffed with me. Alcohol was only a symptom of that selfish self-centeredness. The real problem, as you point out, was baseless and limitless fear. I was too scared to think of anything or anyone except me. As a result, my self-respect became self-loathing. I stood for nothing, had nothing to give, I was alone in life. Alcohol, I found, had limits that I didn't. I became so physically sick that my body would not accept any more vodka or beer. Emotionally and physically, I was a walking, still-talking void of a human being. Completely without love or purpose. Day one in AA, I knew that this was the place for me, the safe harbor calling me to its sober shores. That feeling has never changed. In AA I found a structure by which to live. The Twelve Steps led me to the deepest part of me where I found The Power Within me Who led me to you who led me to me. Today I have a purpose beyond me but about me. To share my life and my love of my life with you. Yes, it is a miraculous process.
ReplyDeleteMichael In the Big Book it says "we must mine the limitless load and give the entire product away." By completely surrendering of our nature to the will of God, we have mined the limitless load and by giving the entire product away we have found A Purpose Beyond Ourselves...Thank you...Armand
DeleteIt's like a door was opened in my mind that had ALWAYS been shut, and invisible. This door was beneath the clouds of my mind which were produced by countless thoughts of myself and fear of myself. What I wanted for myself was merely what I convinced myself I needed to keep up with the powerful and ever thickening void of lifelessness. My life was driven my needlessness - by alcohol and substance-corrupted thinking. Before those foes had crashed into me my path was anything but clear, though, as I had already been suffering from the emptiness that living in fear of...living...perpetuated on and on inside me. Just writing about the times of such sadness makes me grateful I am living for something more now. The program has taught me to do so - to let go of what's happened and learn but also to strive for more than what life "offers" and offer more life to others. The struggle of this disease lies in its secrets - and so the sufferer shall remain in the darkness of their own self-manifested creation until yanked out - by God through you and through me. For every real moment I breathe in I can share. Every real taste of the Divine I have is the quintessence of which can be passed on if I am willing to carry such a responsibility - the task of being the inspirer can be mine as long as I live in the Higher Purpose Realm and stand on humble ground.
ReplyDeleteCaitlin As Bill W says "simple but not easy a price had to be paid. It meant the destructiveness of self centerdness. Wwe had to turn to the light in all things. If anyone alcoholic or not is willing to abandon their nature in an absolute way and receive the will of Go through inspiration than they will be healed and will be given the power to help others. It is in our problem that we find our purpose...Thank you...Armand
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