I had admitted I was alcoholic. I believed in God. I drank twice while a member of Alcoholics Anonymous - once for thirteen months and once for ninety days. Only after the second relapse did I fully realized that I had to make a choice. As the "Big Book" of Alcoholics Anonymous says, "When we became alcoholics, crushed by a self-imposed crisis we could not postpone or evade, we had to fearlessly face the proposition that either God is everything or else He is nothing. God either is or He isn't. WHAT WAS OUR CHOICE TO BE?"
Early on I chose - God is everything. When I made that choice I had no idea of the power of the human instinct, how pervasive it is and how difficult it would be to turn from my nature and to live in the will of God. The second relapse brought me to a state of reasonableness in which I clearly saw that the surrender had to be absolute. In Bill's Story in the "Big Book" it says "Simple, but not easy; a price had to be paid. It meant destruction of self-centeredness. I must turn in all things to the Father of Light who presides over us all." What will you chose - He is and He is everything or the nothingness which envelops one in the darkness?
Written by Armand
Edited by Caitlin Alexandra
In Chapter 3 of The Big Book, the question of "stopping altogether" is addressed. The answer is that there are many ways to quit if one has not lost the power of choice in drinking. But if one no longer possesses that power of choice, spiritual help is the only answer. In my case, spiritual help is not a random prescription for whatever ails me at the moment. That would be using my human power at will which imposes two words on the subject - human and will - which nullify the notion of power in any real way. Through The Twelve Steps, I've learned that I possess two powers, one human which is centered in my mind and one divine which resides deeply within me. It is The Power Within that precludes choice and leads to peace of mind regardless of the circumstances of my human existence. So the choice for me has become to live in peace or to live in doubt and distraction. The Choice has become a non-choice.
ReplyDeleteMichael you wrote so well "So the choice for me has become to live in peace or to live in doubt and distraction." You have clearly answered for yourself in "what was our choice to be" when you wrote"The choice has become a non-choice." ...Thank you so much...Armand
Delete"God is everything" I thought. Yet, I was the mastermind behind all of my decisions and my irresolute, dangerous behaviors. In my relapse I lived within myself, for myself, by myself - that's why the world around me seemed so far away. The people important to me were put aside like dusty ornaments are after the holidays and forgotten much the same. I hadn't given in. I hadn't prayed for the guidance and the power to relieve my true disease. I picked apart what should be left of it and what should go. Once the relapse sucked enough life out of me and I came to a point of complete hunger for life, for Godliness, for the awareness of something greater than this world I admitted that God IS because trying to live without Him was like drowning. The water is there, it is everywhere. Trying to fight its presence is denying yourself the serenity of its existence. I'm floating now, now that I gave up all my resistance.
ReplyDeleteCaitlin As you said "God is everything" I thought. Yet, I was the mastermind behind all my decisions and my irresolute dangerous behaviors." Belief in God is necessary but trust in God is essential if an alcoholic is to recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. Once that choice is made that "God is", daily we must commune with God and begin our day with prayer and meditation. Your analogy of floating is so powerful in that you are not attempting to propel yourself forward through your will and no longer resisting the will of God in your life..Just great...Armand
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