Having shared the Fifth Step with myself and another human being,
having exhibited a sense of humility, having acquired a clarity of mind
and a sense of peace I was encouraged and braced to complete the final
piece of the
Fifth Step - to admit to God the exact nature of my wrongs. I
met my sponsor at a small chapel and felt in no way out of the ordinary
until he swung
open the doors. I looked down the center isle to the
alter and became immediately aware of the quietness and the state of
holiness that existed. I froze and swallowed hard, realizing that in
the next few moments I was going to experience the most
profound event of my entire life thus far. In that time, that place,
and in that moment I was to seek the forgiveness of God for all I had
done wrong in
the past. Together, my sponsor and I slowly knelt down and he prayed in
the way that
only he can. When he was done praying, I shared the exact nature of my
wrongs with God. I had completed the Fifth Step.
Since then I have participated in many Fifth Steps with alcoholics and addicts that I
have read the Big Book with. It is altogether a very humbling
experience to be a
part of, making me feel most helpful as a human being and supplying a
sense of wholeness to life. Recently I did a Fifth Step with someone
and, as we were
leaving the Church, he said "I know that for centuries people like you
have helped people like me do exactly what we did today... but today was
the day
that I had the opportunity to participate in it".
Yes,
it is a remarkable experience to feel the nearness of God and to share
that with another. It is an experience that is not meant to be missed.
It is a complete cleansing of the past and, in turn, receiving the gift
of forgiveness and a clean
slate of life - all built upon a new relationship with God.
When I was young I would attend church. My church’s sanctuary was an escape for me from the outside world. I may not have appreciated it then, but becoming still and sitting in the quiet recentered me at the end of one week and the start of the next. I would sit next to my grandfather, who sat in the same place every Sunday. His habits were like clockwork in a way - praying in silence right before the service began and offering me a life saver from his suit pocket once it started. What a symbol now as he saved me from many a drowning thought, even after he passed, and his habits ingrained in me the comfort of something Bigger.
ReplyDeleteWhat I experienced in the chapel with my sponsor when I took the Fifth Step was the closest thing to the sentiments of my grandfather and his unconditional, ever-undying and loving acts for me. When admitting all of my wrongs, all of my defects, all of my fears there was an unearthing of my Spirit that had long since been buried beneath the grim crookedness of addiction and faithlessness. I think I carry this unearthed Spirit with me and even wear it on my sleeve, as they say, sometimes. My thoughts are at peace with this Spirit most days, and it reflects in my ever growing attitude toward letting go and letting God love me. Passing all of the human in me over to Him hasn’t been the smoothest of progressions but it IS in fact happening - as long as I don’t get in the way.
When I took the Fifth Step it was as though I was finally a part of the life that was truly meant for me, not just the sick bystander of it. How grateful I must remain.
Caitlin when you used the words "unconditional, ever undying and loving acts for me" that is the love received from God when we surrender our nature and live with Him in His...Thank you...Armand
ReplyDeleteI'd been going to confession for decades and never felt clarity, humility or resolve as a result. I knew another "sin"" was just around the corner. I did not have the will or the power to go deep because the personal relationship which must accompany that kind of interaction was missing. Clearly, The Fifth Step, taken with a knowing and recovered sponsor changed that. Within The Fifth Step, I was enabled to rid myself of the shame and guilt which had dominated my spirit for all of my adult life. I found The Power Within me and knew it was The Truth. In the truest sense, I had fallen in love. Today a freedom exists within me that expresses my essential nature, my exact nature. Without the spiritual awakening first initiated in Step Five, I would never would have been able to know and live the spiritual experience of Recovery.
ReplyDeleteMichael There is nothing like the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous to bring alive within us a genuine faith that enables us to share a personal relationship with God...Thanks so much...Armand
ReplyDeleteThis Comment Is From A gratefully Recovering Alcoholic
ReplyDeleteBless you again for sharing your personal experience of that miraculous event I was so blessed to have witnessed. Especially the all too real feelings of impending doom that precede this most holy conversation. But the floor beneath doesn't drop away, nor do we plunge head first into some fiery pit of self imposed eternal damnation. Remarkably, we are met instead by a tidal wave of limitless Mercy, and Love beyond speaking. We discover that the very God of eternity, the One whom we had cursed, rejected and at times despised has been all the while; patiently, watchfully and yes joyfully waiting in that very place to reunite with His errant child.
Before we utter a word we discover He envelops the humble attitude of our hearts with a Love and Compassion beyond telling. But, like the "Prodigal" written of in Luke 15:11-32 we continue our "confession" anyway, even as waves of forgiveness wash away every remaining spec of gilt and shame associated with our past. And as we receive Him in our hearts we discover He has already received us in His, as our only Savior and Lord. In that eternal instant we become, literally... A new creation.
But the encounter isn't finished... It's only just begun, for He imparts to us not only Peace in His presence but an unquenchable desire to encounter Him more completely, and to exercise the power contained in the newly discovered gifts He has bestowed as fully embraced and lovingly cherished members of His eternal family. We discover that the heretofore insurmountable and mysterious wall that once concealed the "Simple" in the "Program of AA" has been removed, completely swept away by the unseen Hand of God who created us to experience this very moment and many more yet to be discovered. "Praise be to Him who's mercies endure forever" and thank you Armand, and everyone who has come after, for you're unbending desire, no matter the cost, to become His humble servant and a partaker of His ministry through the 12 Steps of AA that are inarguably grounded in the immutable Word of God and His Ho;y Spirit that gives eternal life.
A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic.