While assembling my 4th step resentment list I found that the best way to cope with the resentments was to first pray for and forgive those that were on my list. In the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous in the chapter "How It Works" it states, "...we realize that the people who had wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick. Though we did not like their symptoms and the way they disturbed us they, like ourselves, were sick too. We ask God to help us grant them the same tolerance, pity and patience we would grant a sick friend. When a person offended we said to ourselves, 'Perhaps this is a sick person, how can I be helpful to them? God save me from being angry, Thy will be done.' God will show us how to take a kind and tolerant view of each and everyone." As I drew closer to God this began to happen naturally, as it can as well for you.
As an alcoholic I do find that resentment is the number one malfeasance to a serene and peaceful life. If we are to have a clear state of consciousness that is free of conflict; if we are to lead an addiction-free life - a life in which resentment doesn't cause such conflict in our mind then manifest in our behavior - then we must let go of all of our human resentments. There is often no way possible to do this without the aid of the Highest Power. "That One is God may you find Him now."
Written by Armand
Written by Armand
The basis of all 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous is humility, the spirit of which is necessary in keeping our egos deflated. Admitting to our innermost self that we are alcoholic, learning to trust in God, and making a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God are all steps on the road to humility. In the Fourth Step, identifying who we are and acceptance of what that means is both ego-deflating and humbling. As for myself, the most paramount of steps in which I accepted humility was the 5th Step, during which I shared my 4th Step - the deepest, darkest side of myself - with myself, God and another human being.
In the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous it says, "We shall describe some of the states that precede a relapse into drinking, for obviously this is the crux of the problem. What sort of thinking dominates an alcoholic who repeats time after time the experiment of the first drink.....therefore the main problem of the alcoholic centers in the mind rather than in the body."
In Chapter 4 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous it says, "...we had to fearlessly face the proposition that God is everything or else He is nothing. God either is, or He isn't. What was our choice to be?" When I came to the very point in my recovery where I had no desire to turn back to my old life but I was fearful of letting go of my nature (and living in the will of God), the above statement had to be answered. I may have answered in the affirmative earlier in my recovery but it wasn't until that precise moment that I fully understood what was being asked of me - or rather, required of me.
Having admitted complete defeat; having admitted to our innermost self that we were alcoholic; having come to the understanding that human power could not overcome our alcoholism; having begun to trust in God as a solution to our problem -- we were now at Step Three. Step Three occurred when we decided, when we made a final choice, to turn our will (which is our thoughts) and our life (which is our behavior) over to the care of God. Going forward we make a final choice that our thought process will no longer be propelled by our human instinct but rather by the will of God. 
Our lives were lived to constantly fuel and satisfy our desires. We protected our instincts that were warped by fear and self-absorption. We lived our lives in defiance wrapped around our own self-centeredness - with extreme sensitivity and grandiosity. Our nature could never initiate or sustain true, honest relations with other human beings. We were forever searching outside of ourselves, completely unaware that the solution to our problem lay within. These lives we lived, fueled by fear and insatiable desires to appease our human instincts, became so anxiety-filled that we increasingly sought escape as a way to experience ease and comfort within. We were a contradiction unto ourselves.
Alcoholism is a unique disease in that it is a two-fold malady. There is the physical allergy that ensures each and every time we put alcohol into our system we'll get sick, drunk, and into all kinds of trouble. But more paramount - we have a mental obsession that ensures, even though we don't want to drink, sooner or later our mind will tell us it's okay to pick up the intoxicating substance, triggering the physical allergy. We will surely get drunk again.
The "Big Book" Alcoholics Anonymous states, in reference to the Ninth Step and the Promises, "If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are halfway through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves."
There is an old Biblical story which relates to having trust in God. When the Jewish people left Egypt, "The Exodus", God had prepared a land for them - The Promised Land. The Promised Land was an eleven day journey from Egypt. Moses sent a scout from each of the twelve tribes to explore The Promised Land and report back. They reported that the area was magnificent, a land flowing with milk and honey, but the people there are powerful and the cities well fortified. What's more, "we saw giants seven to nine feet tall". This caused fear in the people. The only scouts willing to face their fear (by trusting in God) were Caleb and Joshua, both willing to enter The Promised Land. The Jewish people decided not to enter. For the next forty years the Jews wandered around in the wilderness until all those who were over twenty at the time had died. Once again, they stood at The Promised Land and only Caleb and Joshua who were over twenty from forty years ago were allowed to enter as they had been willing to face their fears by trusting in God.
What a beautiful program Alcoholics Anonymous is. Not only does it relieve our uncontrollable use of alcohol but is applicable to each and every problem in our lives.