The Root Of The Problem

It is through all our experience with our character defects that we've realized and recognized, set boundaries and applied cognitive therapy and behavioral modification but all to no avail - using these methods is like applying a band aid to a festering sore. What we really must do is get to the root of the problem. Our character defects exist in our human nature, not in the will of God. Therefore, if we are willing to perform the work necessary for the Spirit to be awakened within us by living in the back half of The Eleventh Step, "Praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out" (Alcoholics Anonymous) , our character defects will not and cannot possibly manifest in our behaviors. The power to carry out such knowledge must come from God, as our human nature will only try to sustain our selfish desires. Once we have taken this step we have pulled the root of the problem from it's poisonous soils.

          Some of us have learned through our experiences that we must do this - turn from our human nature and live in the will of God - if our character defects are not to exist in our behavior. Many of us have not.  In Alcoholics Anonymous it is often said, "Let go and let God."  The "let go" part is in the letting go of our thought process propelled by our human instincts. The "let God" part is thereafter, in which we surrender to the idea that God will propel our thought process through His inspiration.  Inspiration is defined as "the thoughts of God implanted in the mind and soul of man."  When this transformation of thought has occurred, the root of the problem has truly been healed.         

 Written by Armand

The Bright Spot Of Our Lives

   

As sponsors in Alcoholics Anonymous we must live the principles of the program if we are to have the integrity it takes to present the principles of AA to others.  We have come to understand that our very lives as ex-problem drinkers are dependent upon the lives we are called to help.  Our lives take on a purpose and meaning that we have not experienced before.

    In the "Big Book" of Alcoholics Anonymous in the chapter "Working With Others" it states, "Practical experience shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics... You can help when no one else can... Remember  they are very ill.  Life will take on a new meaning.  To watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a fellowship grow up about you, to have a host of friends - this is an experience you must not miss.  We know you will not want to miss it.  Frequent contact with newcomers and with each other is the bright spot of our  lives."

        There is nothing that we can do with ourselves that is more important then helping someone else recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. Nothing. In order for this recovery to occur for them in its purest form, those we are helping must develop a personal relationship with God. It is through such a relationship with Him that they will recover. It is through this relationship that they will know serenity, peace and joy, maybe even for the first time in their lives.

        Obviously none of this can possibly occur for others if it has not occurred for us - as we cannot give away that which we don't have. Live this life through Him and in helping others do the same, you will be living within the bright spot of your life.

Written by Armand

Another Way To Look At Step Ten

        I like to think of the Tenth Step of the AA program as a hallway - a hallway that I must walk down in order to come into the room in which I can live with God. This hallway needs daily repair as the ceiling is leaking, there are holes in the walls and the floor is buckled. Fortunately, the program of Alcoholics Anonymous has given us an instructional manual so that we can pass through, although we may be encumbered at first.
         Another way to look at this is as if God is the light and my human defects are a clouded glass which no light can shine through.  As I begin to incorporate the program of AA into my life and begin to develop a relationship with God, some of the glass clears and some of the light shines through.  As I continue to incorporate the Twelve Steps into my life, the glass clears even more and even more of the light shines through.  Finally, the day arrives when the glass is transparent and all of the light shines through and it is in this moment that I am one with God and free of the manifestation of my character defects.
          Incorporate the Tenth Step into your daily existence and, eventually, into all your waking moments. We must be persistent. Persistence is the time between the promise of God and the provision of God. Thereafter, a life free of anxiety, fear and resentment can be experienced; cloaked in harmony, peace and serenity.

Written by Armand

The Genesis

         In 1930 a member of the Oxford Group and an alcoholic, Roland Hazzard, visited on more than one occasion with the noted psychiatrist Dr. Carl Jung. After Roland failed to cease drinking multiple times Dr. Jung gave to him the solution for alcoholism -- a vital spiritual experience. Spiritual defined as "of or pertaining to God" and vital as "life giving".  We have to give life to our experience with God. This is accomplished by surrendering our nature to the will of God.

          During what became a historic visit Dr Jung said to Roland, "You have the mind of a chronic alcoholic. I have never seen one single case recover where the state of mind existed to the extent that it does in you."  Our friend felt as though the gates of hell had closed on him with a clang. He said to the doctor, "Is there no exception?" "Yes," replied the doctor, "there is. Exceptions to cases such as yours have been occurring since early times. Here and there, once in a while, alcoholics have had what are called vital spiritual experiences."

           I recant these passages from the chapter There Is A Solution in the "Big Book" of Alcoholics Anonymous to make clear that we do know there is a solution to our alcoholism and that solution is indeed a vital spiritual experience. THE GENESIS of that life-giving experience is God. May you find him now.

          If you are alcoholic or suffer from the disease of addiction and you wish to recover from the seemingly hopeless state of mind and body, surrender your will to the will of God and you will live in this solution to your alcoholism.

Written by Armand

What Was Our Choice To Be?

I had admitted I was alcoholic. I believed in God. I drank twice while a member of Alcoholics Anonymous - once for thirteen months and once for ninety days. Only after the second relapse did I fully realize that I had to make a choice. As the "Big Book" of Alcoholics Anonymous says, "When we became alcoholics, crushed by a self-imposed crisis we could not postpone or evade, we had to fearlessly face the proposition that either God is everything or else He is nothing. God either is or He isn't. WHAT WAS OUR CHOICE TO BE?"

Early on I chose - God is everything. When I made that choice I had no idea of the power of the human instinct, how pervasive it is and how difficult it would be to turn from my nature and to live in the will of God. The second relapse brought me to a state of reasonableness in which I clearly saw that the surrender had to be absolute. In Bill's Story in the "Big Book" it says "Simple, but not easy; a price had to be paid. It meant destruction of self-centeredness. I must turn in all things to the Father of Light who presides over us all." What will you chose - He is and He is everything or the nothingness which envelops one in the darkness? 

Written by Armand

No Need To Create A Past

       The program of Alcoholics Anonymous has in place the fabric necessary to weave through and heal our character defects - whether they surface in our daily or our spot check inventories.  If and when necessary we use the Ninth Step which is, "Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others."  If we decide that an amend is necessary we immediately make it in an effort to live in the present. Only in the present can we be in the will of God, where His grace saves us from creating another past which we will need to extricate ourselves from. Once performed, we thread into the necessary fabric The Seventh Step, "Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings."  If our actions cause us to have any shame or guilt, we then use the Fifth Step of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, "Admitted to God, to ourselves and another human being the exact nature of our wrongs" so that we may be living in the present with a clean slate and a serene mind.

          If we are willing to take our inventories, make our amends, ask God to remove our defects, and share our wrongs with ourselves, God and another human being there will be NO NEED TO CREATE A PAST.  We will have the freedom to exist in the present - in the will of God.

          As alcoholics we have worked hard to free ourselves from our past. If we are willing to weave the program of Alcoholics Anonymous into our lives in such a way that it becomes our life than the creation of a past that, at least subconsciously, is having a negative effect on our present consciousness, will not occur. This is a critical tool in permanent recovery.

Written by Armand

Reliance Not Defiance

          In the Big Book of  Alcoholics Anonymous it says, "When we  encountered A.A., the fallacy of our defiance was revealed.  At no time had we asked what God's will was for us; instead we had been telling Him what it ought to be. No man, we saw, could believe in God and defy Him, too. Belief meant RELIANCE, NOT DEFIANCE. In A.A. we saw the fruits of this belief: men and women spared from alcohol's final catastrophe. We saw them meet and transcend their other pains and trials. We saw them calmly accept impossible situations, seeking neither to run nor to recriminate.  This was not only faith; it was faith that worked under all conditions. We soon concluded that whatever price in humility we must pay, we would pay."

           Reliance upon God is the basis of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous; humility is the key which unlocks the door to the grace of God.  The Twelve Steps of A.A. move us from developing a faith in God to trusting in God and finally a true reliance upon God in every area of our life.  This relationship with Him allows us to transcend the travails of life in such a way that we are not self-centered and caught in our own needs and problems. Rather, we are trusting in the will of God as it unfolds in our life - freeing us to be open to the world around us and sensitive to the needs of others.   

Written by Armand

Foundation For Progress

         The "Big Book" of Alcoholics Anonymous states, "the idea that somehow, someday, the alcoholic will control their drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker.  The persistence of this illusion is astonishing.  Many pursue it to the gates of insanity and death.  We learned, some of us through relapse, that we had to fully concede to our innermost self that we are alcoholic...The delusion that we are like other people has to be smashed."
           We learned through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous that we must admit we are powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become unmanageable. We must concede to our innermost self that we are alcoholic and, yes, we must admit complete defeat. Once we have done this we have THE FOUNDATION FOR PROGRESS, in the actual program of Alcoholics Anonymous, upon which we can build a real and honest life.  This life of pure contribution allows us to be who we were created to  be, thus restoring our self-esteem and allowing others to be themselves around us without any judgement on our part.  Our real and honest life will be ours to live, measured in and by the love we give away.

Written by Armand

Powerlessness Understood

         

Once much has been accomplished and an ample portion of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous completed, the personal relationship with and the dependence upon God take on much deeper and all-encompassing meanings.
               In the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous in the chapter "How It Works" it says, "We are in the world to play the role God assigns."  We, who have learned through our experience,  know this can be accomplished through the practice of the Twelve Steps.  Specifically it is in the Tenth Step, through daily examination, through which we uncover our character defects and their continuous manifestation in our behavior. Despite this action and reaction to life not being how and what we want it is still powerfully prevalent.  It is here, in the conflict of not wanting to manifest our character defects in our behavior but POWERLESS over such occurrences that we are thrown back into Step One. There, in the midst of Step One we can see so very clearly how we are not only powerless over our use of alcohol and drugs but powerless over every single aspect of our lives.  We had previously learned at a cognitive level that our lives must be given to the care and direction of God - but now, through our personal experiences, we can perceive this with more clarity and at a much deeper and consequential level.
               It is in the taking of the daily inventory that we begin to fully understand the power and pervasiveness of our character defects encoded into our human nature.  To overcome the manifestation of our character defects in our behavior we must subrogate our human nature and utterly abandon ourselves to the will of God. For it is in the infinite power and love of Him that we are healed.

Written by Armand

Self Will Or God's Will

           The importance of Step Three is that a decision is made (in fact it is a final choice) for our thought process to no longer be propelled by our human instincts (our self will) but rather by the will of God through inspiration.  Inspiration is defined as, "the thoughts of God implanted in the mind and soul of man."
            The Third Step is, "We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him."  In the Big Book Alcoholics Anonymous in the chapter "How It Works" it states, "The first requirement (in taking the Third Step) is that we be convinced that any life run on self will can hardly be a success." As stated prior to this, "Remember that we deal with alcohol, cunning, baffling, powerful.  Without help it is to much for us.  But there is One who has all power -that One is God. May you find Him now!"  The chapter goes further in stating, "Selfishness - self-centerednes! That, we think, is the root of our troubles... So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of  self will run riot..."  Self will is our thought process propelled by our human instincts. In the Big Book it says "above everything we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness and there seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid."
                 I learned in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous that we have three basic instincts, a social, sexual and security instinct.  These instincts are God given and necessary for life but in us we can never get enough of what it is we think we need .  The great psychiatrist Sigmund Freud defines an instinct as "a bodily need manifested in our thought process."  It is there that our character defects exist - but these same defects, which will always exist to some extent in our human nature, cannot possibly be manifested in our behavior when our thought process is propelled by God's will, through inspiration.

Written by Armand

Self-Centeredness

           

When I become angry or resentful, it is in that moment that I manifest my human SELF-CENTEREDNESS.  In the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous it says "that we think is the root of our troubles."  It also goes on to say "It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness.  To the precise point that we permit these do we squander the hours that might have been worthwhile.  But with the alcoholic whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave.  We found it fatal!  For when harboring such thoughts we cut ourselves off from the sunlight of the spirit."
           The solution to our alcoholism is a vital spiritual experience.  We must give life to our relationship with God.  We accomplish this by turning from our human nature and living in the will of God.  We receive God's will through inspiration conditioned by prayer  and meditation.  We can't possibly be in the will of God when we are manifesting SELF - CENTEREDNESS in our lives , but by sobrogating our human nature to the will of God we cannot possibly manifest the SELF - CENTEREDNESS of our human nature in our behavior.

Written by Armand

The Twelfth Step - Can't Give Away That Which You Don't Have

          The 12th Step of Alcoholics Anonymous is, "Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs."  This step clearly places a responsibility upon us - but we cannot give away that which we don't have.  The "Big Book" of Alcoholics Anonymous states, "We have recovered and been given the power to help others."  The power to help others is a direct result of the spiritual awakening received in Step Twelve. Until one such spiritual awakening has occurred it is impossible for it to occur in other alcoholics that we may be helping. Furthermore, once the Spirit has been awakened within us we cannot be in the will of God without helping others.

           We are gifted the power to carry the message to other alcoholics not only through our words but by incorporating the principles of the Alcoholics Anonymous program (the Twelve Steps) right into our lives, displaying them through our behavior.  Once the spirit has been awakened in those we help then they themselves can lead a recovered life.  These recovered alcoholics will then have the power to help others in the way  necessary, so that still others may recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. Your gift can be a gift to others.

Written by Armand

Conscious Contact

       For me, CONSCIOUS CONTACT is a personal relationship with God in this moment and at this time.  I do not look back in regret nor do I look forward in fear. Through the grace of God in this moment I have relinquished my human nature. My human instincts are no longer propelling my thought process, but rather my thought process is propelled by the will of God through inspiration.
     
       The "Big Book" of Alcoholics Anonymous says, "We may face indecision, we might not be able to determine which course to take.  Here we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or decision. We are often surprised how the right answers will come after we have tried this for awhile.  What used to be the hunch or the occasional inspiration gradually becomes a working part of the mind. We find our thinking will be, as time passes, more and more on the plane of inspiration. We come to rely upon it."  The dictionary defines inspiration as, "the thoughts of God implanted upon the mind and soul of man."  I do not need to run the thoughts of God through my intellect - I instantaneously perceive them as truth. The question becomes, will I be obedient?  Is my behavior going to be propelled by the will of God or by my human instincts?  The back half of the Eleventh Step says, "...praying only for the knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out", as my human nature will never do the will of God.
               
          It is here that a recovered alcoholic lives, in the will of God, through CONSCIOUS CONTACT.

Written by Armand

The Real Problem

What a beautiful program Alcoholics Anonymous is. Not only does it relieve our uncontrollable use of alcohol but is applicable to each and every problem in our lives.
       
We come to A A because we desire to stop drinking alcohol and are unable to do so on our own.  Alcohol severely impacts our lives, our minds, and our bodies.  We discover through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous that alcohol, of itself, is not and was not the problem - it is but a symptom of the problem.  The real problem with us as alcoholics (and addicts of any and all types) is self-centered fear. We are afraid we will not get what we want... and afraid to lose what we have.
       
When any of our human instincts are threatened we overreact until we make the decision in the Third Step of the program to turn our thoughts and our actions over to the care of God. Once we do this we are on our way to a serene and peaceful life.  The integration of the remaining steps into our lives leads us to a life in which we are praying and meditating on a daily basis.  When praying we ask only for the knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out. Remaining in that present state of mind, in the will of God, we do not drink. In God's hands all of our problems are solved.

God is the solution to the real problem. Once we are in His will we do not overreact when we think that our human instincts are threatened as we are trusting in His safety and serenity. May you find Him and his comfort now.

Trust - The Key Component Of Belief

To believe, we have to trust.  Trust is the key component of belief.  When I was a teenager I broke my relationship with God. It was a relationship that had developed through the early religious training I received in Catholic grade school.  The fact that I broke my relationship with God did not change that I had always believed in God.  I believed in God even while I was living the life of an alcoholic -- in utter pandemonium. My behaviors had nothing to do with my belief in Him.  It was my lack of trust in Him which led me astray from a relationship with Him for so long. Trust, according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, is "assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something". 

To have such certainty for the Supreme Power requires humility, exactly that which the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous gives us.  The incorporation of the steps of such a program into our lives begins the break down of our egos, so that humility (and all the many benefits from it) can seep into our lives. After some time we actually develop a hunger for it.  I have learned in my experience with the program of Alcoholics Anonymous that humility is the key which unlocks the door to the grace of God.  It is only through this grace that we remain sober and recovered from our addictions and the manifestation of our character defects.  Our egos must be deflated and our human desires subrogated to the will of God.  Belief is necessary but trust is essential.  

TRUST IS THE KEY COMPONENT OF BELIEF.    

Serenity

          Serenity is the absence of conflict in our thoughts.  We who have committed ourselves to the program (the Twelve Steps) of Alcoholics Anonymous have deemed that it is the program itself which must come first in our lives. Alongside such a commitment comes a personal relationship with a supreme power, such as God. Living by these honorable ideals ushers the blessings of serenity into the stream of our lives - no matter what transpires.

              

              In the Alcoholics Anonymous literature, Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, such a paragon way of living is elucidated:  "We are no longer frightened and purposeless.  The moment we catch even a glimpse of God's will, the moment we begin to see truth, justice and love as the real and eternal things in life, we are no longer deeply disturbed by all the seeming evidence to the contrary that surrounds us in purely human affairs.  We know that God lovingly watches over us."

             

             By integrating the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous into our lives in such a way that they become our lives, and by manifesting the principles of those steps in our behavior, we have the opportunity to have safe and serene lives. Remembering that joy is not the absence of sorrow, but the presence of God … experience serenity we will.

Moral Psychology

          Featured in "The Doctors Opinion" of Alcoholics Anonymous is a letter from Dr. William D. Silkworth, the Medical Director of Townes Hospital in New York City (a renowned hospital during that time for the treatment of alcoholics). One of the founders of Alcoholics Anonymous and primary author of Alcoholics Anonymous, Bill W., was under Dr. Silkworth's care on three separate occasions there. In Dr. Silkworth's letter he states, "We doctors have realized for a long time that some form of  moral psychology was of urgent importance to alcoholics ... unless [the alcoholic] can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope for his recovery."          
          Dr. Silkworth and his colleagues believed that not only did the thought processes of the mind need to be completely transformed but the source of what powered these thought processes altered as well.  The American Heritage Dictionary defines psychology as "the science that deals with mental processes and behavior" and it holds the word moral synonymous with the word virtuous. Therefore, what the experts formulated was that the thought processes of the mind had to become virtuous.  In order for this to occur the mind of the alcoholic could no longer be propelled by its own human nature or instincts but rather by the will of God through inspiration. As the latter part of the 11th Step bids, "...praying only for the knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out."                    
          The psychic change is the very core component of the solution to alcoholism - to any and all addictions, really. Through the grace of God (the source that powers the thought processes), a transformed and virtuous thought process is possible and it is real. If one experiences such a change they can recover from this disease of alcoholism and to any and all other vices, habits and addictions this disease encompasses.

Written by Armand

Edited by Caitlin Alexandra

Forming and Sustaining Relationships

         

        The chapter on the fourth step in Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions describes our dysfunctional relations well: "But it is from our twisted relations with family, friends, and society at large that many of us have suffered the most. We have been especially stupid and stubborn about them. The primary fact that we failed to recognize is our total inability to form a true partnership with another human being."

          I went through my entire life unable to interact with others on an intimate level. I was incapable of allowing others to experience me as I truly was and I was unwilling to allow others to share with me their own true self.  I would present to the world what I thought the world needed to see about me so I could feel good and safe about myself.  In the past, the relationships I did have were of the type which, when I was done taking that which I wanted from them and them from me, the relationship was over.  I was incapable of FORMING AND SUSTAINING RELATIONSHIPS in an honest and caring way with other human beings.

          The greatest gift I have received from developing a personal relationship with God is the ability to interact with other human beings at an honest and true level - therefore forming and sustaining relationships that are caring and loving, loyal and trust-giving. My landing on such soil from which these relations sprout was done simply, but not easily, by going through the twelve steps of the program of AA. This can occur for any who return to the being God created and meant for them to be. When this does occur, human potential is maximized and becoming a recovered, unbroken being is completely possible.

Written by Armand
Edited by Caitlin Alexandra

To Know Peace

          

     Chapter 4 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous states, "...we had to fearlessly face the proposition that God is everything or else He is nothing. God either is, or He isn't. What was our choice to be?"  When I came to the very point in my recovery where I had no desire to turn back to my old life but letting go of my nature was viciously frightening this question laid uncomfortably unanswered before me.  Prior to this juncture in my journeys I may have answered affirmatively yet it wasn't until that precise moment in which I fully understood what was being asked of me - or rather, what was required of me to move onward and upward.

           If any of us are to recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body we must: be free of  manifesting our human defects in our behavior; live a life in which we exude tolerance and love of all; never be accepting of evil; live free from fear, anxiety and anger; be open to respect and love; posses the spirits of charity, forgiveness and  joy. We must answer the question without heed to our human intellect - our nature telling us what we ought to do because we think we need to - but by opening ourselves to the presence of God and what he has planned. Joy is, indeed, the actual presence of God.  Joy is no longer the absence of sorrow but His love laying constantly restive on our hearts.

        When I answered, "God is everything" I, for the first time in my entire life, had become fully alive. The Spirit was awakened within me. It was in my heart and my soul, it drove through my mind with grace and swirled through my conscious like a cleansing river. I became and I am the human being that God created me to be, maximizing my human potential, free of conflict, and at peace.

           I was and I am aware of what is required of me and I have answered, "Yes, God is everything." What will your answer be?

Written by Armand

Edited by Caitlin Alexandra

The Resentment Prayer

          While assembling my 4th step resentment list I found that the best way to cope with the resentments was to first pray for and forgive those that were on my list.  In the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous in the chapter "How It Works" it states, "...we realize that the people who had wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick.  Though we did not like their symptoms and the way they disturbed us they, like ourselves, were sick too.  We ask God to help us grant  them the same tolerance, pity and patience we would grant a sick friend.  When a person offended we said to ourselves, 'Perhaps this is a sick person, how can I be helpful to them? God save me from being angry, Thy will be done.' God will show us how to take a kind and tolerant view of each and everyone."  As I drew closer to God this began to happen naturally, as it can as well for you.

         As an alcoholic I do find that resentment is the number one malfeasance to a serene and peaceful life. If we are to have a clear state of consciousness that is free of conflict; if we are to lead an addiction-free life - a life in which resentment doesn't cause such conflict in our mind then manifest in our behavior - then we must let go of all of our human resentments.  There is often no way possible to do this without the aid of the Highest Power.

Written by Armand
Edited by Caitlin Alexandra

A Unique Disease

       Alcoholism is a unique disease in that it is a two-fold malady. There is the physical allergy that ensures each and every time we put alcohol into our system we'll get sick, drunk, and into all kinds of trouble.  But more paramount - we have a mental obsession that ensures, even though we don't want to drink, sooner or later our mind will tell us it's okay to pick up the intoxicating substance, triggering the physical allergy. We will surely get drunk again.

        Dr. Silkworth, the chief medical benefactor of AA suggests that the thought process of the mind has to be transformed.  The thought process of the mind of an alcoholic must have a psychic change. This change is essential and must be complete.  As Dr. Silkworth stated, "... once a psychic change has occurred the very same person who seemed doomed, who had so many problems they despaired of ever solving them, is easily able to control their desire for alcohol, the only effort necessary being that required to follow a few simple rules."

       The transformation of thought that is necessary to recover from a seemingly hopeless state of both mind and body occurs through the grace of God. This Grace can and will be received through the practice of the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.

        Having admitted complete defeat; having admitted to our innermost selves that we are alcoholic; understanding that our human power could not overcome our alcoholism; having begun to trust in God as a solution to our problems we arrive at Step Three, "... decided to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God." Our will is our thoughts and our lives are our behaviors as we think before we act.  We turn over our thoughts and in doing so, behavior follows suit.

         We pray, "God, I offer myself to Thee, to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do thy will. Take away my difficulties so that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy power, Thy love and Thy way of life.  May I do Thy will always."

        This unique disease cannot be remedied using that which causes it - self-centeredness and fear. Turning our broken, scarred selves over to a much Higher and Mightier power is the simple solution to this bewildering and unique disease.

Written by Armand

Edited by Caitlin Alexandra 

Giving

         

At first, I had no idea that to possess the qualities that many of the members of Alcoholics Anonymous had took a degree of humility - a characteristic I had not a scrap of. I was extremely prideful, but I began longing for this trait of humility as I made my way through the program.
          In the book Alcoholics Anonymous Comes Of Age, in the historic visit to Bill W. from his boarding school pal Ebby T. (a man nearly committed for alcoholic insanity), Ebby outlined the precepts of the Oxford Group. One of the precepts applies to this notion of humility. Practicing the giving of oneself to another is a true act of humility. Ebby told Bill W. to practice giving, as in, the giving of himself to somebody.
          Personally I have learned that it is true humility which unlocks the door to the grace of God.  In order to grow in humility I must begin to let go of my selfish desires and begin to have a faith in God. This eventually blossoms into a complete trust in God. Trust in God was difficult initially, as through the entire course of my life I had used my instincts and my intellect to propel me through. But, when I was faced with a self-imposed crisis that I could not overcome with my human power, I had to rely on a higher power.
          As the Big Book states, "We trust in infinite God rather than finite self." Today, in this day and in this time, I trust in God. The development of this trust in God leads to a caring of others that was impossible for me before.  An alcoholic who is humble enough to trust in God knows that the GIVING of self to the helping of others is a crucial tool of recovery.

Written by Armand
Edited by Caitlin Alexandra

Inspiration

        In the chapter "Into Action" in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous it is written,

"In thinking about our day we may face indecision. We may not be able to determine which course to take. Here we ask God for INSPIRATION, an intuitive thought or decision. We relax and take it easy. We don't struggle.  We are often surprised how the right answers come after we have tried this for a while.       

What used to be the hunch or the occasional INSPIRATION gradually becomes a working part of the mind. Being still inexperienced and having just made conscious contact with God, it is not probable that we are going to be inspired at all times. We might pay for this presumption in all sorts of absurd actions and ideas. Nevertheless, we find that our thinking will, as time passes, be more and more on the plane of INSPIRATION. We come to rely upon it."

        

        It is in conscious contact with God that INSPIRATION may be received.  It is where a recovered alcoholic lives.

        INSPIRATION is defined in the dictionary as, "the thoughts of God implanted in the mind and soul of man."  When the thoughts of God are received in our souls we don't need to run them by our intellect, as we know immediately that they are the Truth. The question becomes, has our human nature surrendered to the will of God in this moment so that we are capable of receiving God's thoughts OR are our thought processes propelled by our human instinct?  A recovered alcoholic lives in and through INSPIRATION as their thought process is propelled by the will of God.

Written by Armand

Edited by Caitlin Alexandra

Am I Entirely Ready?

          The Sixth Step of Alcoholics Anonymous is, "Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character." The original draft of the Big Book used the word "willing" instead of the words "entirely ready".  I found it helpful to incorporate both into my Sixth Step so that I had the willingness to be entirely ready.

         

          As an alcoholic, giving up control is awkward and strenuous - I would rather apply some sort of cognitive therapy or behavioral modification to control my defects.  But those methods are like applying band-aids to a festering infection, they don't do anything.  Control of defects is not the snag, but rather that our human defects are not to exist in our behavior, as it is our defects that are keeping us from the perfection that God seeks in us.  God seeks for us to be the human being that He created us to be, thereby able to maximize our human potential.

         

          When we are in the will of God our human character defects, which exist only in our human nature, cannot possibly manifest themselves in our behavior.

       

          Yes, I am willing to be entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

Written by Armand
Edited by Caitlin Alexandra

A 5th Step Story

          After sharing the fifth step with myself and another human being, after exhibiting a sense of humility, after acquiring a clarity of mind and a sense of peace I braced myself for the final piece of the step - to admit to God the exact nature of my wrongs. I met my sponsor outside a small chapel on a day just like any other, I thought ... until he swung open the chapel doors. I looked down the center isle to the alter and became immediately aware of the quietness and state of holiness that existed. I froze and swallowed hard, realizing that the next few moments were going to be as profound as any other in all of my life. In that time, that place, and in that moment I was to seek the forgiveness of God for all I had done wrong in the past. Together, my sponsor and I slowly knelt down and he prayed for us in a way that only he would do.  When he was finished I shared the exact nature of my wrongs with God - I had then completed the fifth step.
       
        Since then I have participated in many fifth steps with alcoholics and addicts that I have read the Big Book with. It is altogether a very humbling experience to be a part of - making me feel the utmost of helpful as a human being and supplying a sense of wholeness to lives. Once I did a fifth step with someone and as we were leaving the Church he said, "I know that for centuries people like you have helped people like me do exactly what we did today... but today was the day that I had the opportunity to be a part of it."
       
       Yes, it is a remarkable experience to feel the nearness of God and to share that with another. It is an experience that is not meant to be missed. It is a complete cleansing of the past and, in turn, a receiving of the gift of forgiveness and a clean slate - all built upon a new relationship with God.

Written by Armand
Edited by Caitlin Alexandra

Humility as a Recovery Tool

       The basis of all 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous is humility, the spirit of which is necessary in keeping our egos deflated. Admitting to our innermost self that we are alcoholic, learning to trust in God, and making a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God are all steps on the road to humility.  In the Fourth Step, identifying who we are and acceptance of what that means is both ego-deflating and humbling.  As for myself, the most paramount of steps in which I accepted humility was the 5th Step, during which I shared my 4th Step - the deepest, darkest side of myself - with myself, God and another human being.

          In the 7th Step we offer all of ourselves, the good and the bad, to God - to do with us as He would do so that our human character defects do not manifest themselves in our behavior.  Another step in which humility occurs is the 9th Step,as we go out and make our amends, reconciling the wrongs we have done in the past. And finally the 11th Step, in which recovered alcoholics reside, praying only for the knowledge of God's will and the power to carry that out. All of these steps can only be performed and will only be successfully taken with a humbled spirit.

          Humility unlocks the door to the Grace of God. Only through such a humbled spirit may we recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body - making humility absolutely necessary.

Written by Armand
Edited by Caitlin Alexandra

Admit And Accept

       In The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions it is written: "A continuous look at our assets and liabilities, and a real desire to learn and grow by this means, are necessities for us. We alcoholics have learned this the hard way. More experienced people, of course, in all times and places have practiced unsparing self-survey and criticism. For the wise have always known that no one can make much of his life until self-searching becomes a regular habit, until he is able to ADMIT and ACCEPT what he finds, and until he patiently and persistently tries to correct what is wrong.

      Through daily inventory we can admit and accept that our character defects are a part of our human nature, a part that cannot manifest if we are truly living in the will of God. We are completely capable of understanding, if the proper work on the 12 steps is thoroughly done, that our human nature is in fact defected. We must accept this about ourselves if we desire to be recovered.

     
          In the program of Alcoholics Anonymous it is often said, "Let go and let God."  The "Let go" part is turning from the incessant prompts of our human nature and the "Let God" part is living in, and thereby manifesting, the will of God.  Living in the raw-natured will of God, our character defects cannot be manifested in our behavior - it is in such a spiritual place that our nature can be perfected as we become the human being that God created us to be.

         
          Self-survey is a most powerful tool of recovery.

Written by Armand

Edited by Caitlin Alexandra

The 8th Step - Another Chance to Pray for and to Forgive

   As I began the fourth step of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous I faced the four column inventory of my resentments, fears and sexual conduct.  My sponsor suggested that I begin to    pray for and forgive all of those on all of my lists.  In the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous there is a prayer for each of these lists - three prayers in total.
      The Eighth Step of Alcoholics Anonymous, "Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all," is yet another chance to pray for and forgive all those on all of my lists and to begin doing the same with any new situations that may arise.  We are already in possession of an Eighth Step list - extracted from our Fourth Step inventory.  As we begin to pray for and forgive we are also making a beginning on Steps Eleven and Twelve.

       Prayer and forgiveness are essential tools if we are to recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body  We learned in the Fourth Step that resentments toward others is the number one offender to a relationship with God, as we are called to love all, although we are never to be accepting of evil.

       The Eighth Step provides for us ANOTHER CHANCE TO PRAY FOR AND TO FORGIVE all those on our lists. This is necessary in order to bring the Spirit into our Ninth Step amends.     

Written by Armand

Edited by Caitlin Alexandra

The Folly Of Control

The literature of Alcoholics Anonymous says as alcoholics, " Our egomania digs two disastrous pitfalls. Either we insist upon dominating the people we know, or we depend upon them far too much.  If we lean too heavily on people, they will sooner or later fail us, for they are human, too, and cannot possibly meet our incessant demands. In this way our insecurity grows and festers.  When we habitually try to manipulate others to our own willful desires, they revolt, and resist us heavily.  Then we develop hurt feelings, a sense of persecution, and a desire to retaliate.  As we redouble our efforts at control, and continue to fail, our suffering becomes acute and constant.  We have not once sought to be one in a family, to be a friend among friends, to be a worker among workers, to be a useful member of society.  Always we tried to struggle to the top of the heap, or to hide underneath it.  This self-centered behavior blocked a partnership relation with any one of those about us.  Of true brotherhood we had small comprehension."

         It is in the letting go of self and trusting in God that allows us to accept others as they are and to relinquish control. One of the greatest gifts from the program of A.A. is to have true and honest relationships with those around us. We can learn how to interact with others through our interaction with God in the Eleventh Step.  We can learn how to love and how to allow ourselves to be loved   We can learn how not to interact with other personalities, which we can like or dislike, but rather to interact with the part of them that is good - the part of them that is God.

       It is in the letting go of self and the trusting in God that allows us to accept others as they are (and ourselves as we are).  This allows us not only to relinquish control but to have no need or desire to control at all.

Written by Armand

Edited by Caitlin Alexandra

Motivation to Complete Step Nine

         The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous says, "We have a list of all persons we have harmed and to whom we are willing to make amends.  Now we go out to our fellows and repair the damage done in our past.  We attempt to sweep away the debris that has accumulated out of our effort to live on self will and run the show ourselves.  If we haven't the will to do so, we ask until it comes (a ninth step prayer).   Remember, it was agreed upon at the beginning that we would go to any lengths for victory over alcohol."  It was difficult for me to find the person to share my Fourth Step with and to share the exact nature of my wrongs with God.  However, I did, and in doing so I found a sense of relief through the power of  forgiveness.  Coming to Step Nine of the twelve steps of Alcoholics Anonymous was somewhat daunting, yet easier, as I then had the experience of God on my side.   The Fifth Step brought a sense of relief - the beginning of a serene life. For the first time since I was a small boy I felt the presence of God in my life.  I knew then that sobriety by itself was not enough, that I desired to be recovered.  I knew that the solution was and is a vital spiritual experience and having a relationship with God in whom I trust. Therefore, I had plenty of motivation and desire to adopt the humility necessary to make amends to the people I had harmed - Step Nine.

          I learned through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous not to consider any harm that had been done to me. Besides, it was much easier to do so at that point as I was praying for and forgiving those on my list.  In the Big Book it states, "Under no condition do we criticize such a person or argue.  Simply we tell them that we will never get over our drinking until we do our utmost to straighten out the past.  We are there to sweep off our side of the street realizing that nothing worthwhile can be accomplished until we do so, never trying to tell them what they must do."

     
          This is how I approached the Ninth Step.  I began with my immediate family. Life is funny -things don't always occur in what is perceived and assumed as the proper sequence.  My father had passed before I had any consciousness that I owed him an amends.  I went to his grave and grieved over his death and our life together.   My mother was having serious cognitive problems and, although I was able to make a verbal amends to her, the amends came as she was sinking deeper into her illness and when I was actually able to care for her.  My sister, who was shocked in my attempt to make amends to her, could only say, "Really? Really?!"  And on it went.  To those I could not see and to those that did not want to see me I sent a sincere and complete letter and prayed for the best for them.  It became easier as I moved through the list.

       
          In the Fifth Step I began to feel serenity and, now with the tasks of the Ninth Step complete, I have extricated myself through the grace of God from the past - I was free, maybe for the first time in my entire life.

Written by Armand
Edited by Caitlin Alexandra

The Healing of Fear

       Thereafter having admitted that I was alcoholic I soon found out that alcohol in and of itself was not my problem, but was the manifestation of my problem.  The true problem was self-centered fear - afraid that I was not going to get what I want and afraid that I was going to lose what I had.
           In the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous it says, "When dealing with the fear problem, or any other problem, perhaps there is a better way as we are now on a different basis, the basis of trusting and relying upon God. We trust infinite God rather than finite self. We are in the world to play the role God assigns.  Just to the extent we do as we think God would have us do and humbly rely on God, does God enable us to match calamity with serenity. We never apologize to anyone for depending on our creator. We can laugh at those who think spirituality is the way of weakness. The verdict of the ages is that faith means courage. All possessors of faith have courage. They trust their God. We let God demonstrate through us what God can do. We ask God to remove our fear and direct our attention to what we should be doing.  At once, we commence to outgrow fear."
          The integration of the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous into our lives leads to a personal relationship with God. Prior to that occurring, fear haunted all of our being, was in all of our moments, driving all of our decisions in an attempt to satiate our instincts. We were afraid that we were not going to get what we wanted and afraid that we were going to lose what we had.  Today, in this moment, that can change. That will change for all of us if we are in alignment with God's will for us. We will then know a peace we have never before experienced.

Written by Armand
Edited by Caitlin Alexandra

How Will I Know God's Will For Me?

           I am often asked,  "HOW will I know what God's will for me is???." The "Big Book" of Alcoholics Anonymous says, "...that it is not probable that we are going to be inspired at all times. We might pay for this presumption in all sorts of absurd actions and ideas.  Nevertheless, we find that as time passes our thinking will be more and more on the plane of inspiration  We come to rely on it."  Inspiration is defined as, "the thoughts of God implanted in the mind and soul of man."  Once the thoughts of God hit our souls we do not need to run it by our intellect to know it is indeed the Truth.

          Although we are not yet capable of turning our will and our life over to the care of God in Step Three,  we are capable of making a decision - a final choice - to do so.  Deciding from this day forward we are willing to overturn our thought processes that are propelled by our human instincts in order that they may be ruled only by the will of God - which is received through inspiration. 

          If you have already made that decision, may God bless you and may He keep you. If you have not, perhaps now (this moment, right now) would be the time for you to make it... to turn your thoughts and your behaviors over to the care of God and begin to live a life of peace and a life of pure, unimpeachable joy.

Written by Armand

The Functioning Piece Of Alcoholism

      I have learned through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous that I have three basic instincts: a social, a sexual and a security instinct.  These instincts are God given and necessary for life, but in me I can never get enough of  what it is I think I need.  The great psychiatrist Sigmund Freud defines an instinct as, "a bodily need manifested in our thought process.".

       Through the twelve steps I have learned that alcohol is but a symptom of our true malady - our true malady being self-centered fear. We are afraid that we are not going to get what we want and that we are going to lose what we have.  Once our fear is triggered we reach for our character defects in an attempt to satiate our instincts, but we can never get enough of what it is we think we need. We are then left running around, chasing our tails, creating havoc in our lives but, more importantly, havoc in the lives of everyone around us. This malady of self-centered fear is the functioning piece of alcoholism and any other ism.

           The solution to the disease of addiction is a vital spiritual experience. We must give life to our relationship with God.  How? By letting go of our human nature so our thought process is no longer propelled by our instincts, but rather by the will of God through inspiration,  

Written by Armand

Power Of Prayer And Meditation

The Eleventh Step is the lifeline for the alcoholic.  "Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for the knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry it out."  Prayer and meditation were not something I initially incorporated into my practices of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.  Why?  I don't really know.  The only answer that I can come up with is that at some level I was still defiant, egotistical and lacked the humility necessary to pray and meditate daily.  I was talking the talk but not walking the walk.  I had worked the previous steps well and certainly to the best of my ability.  I was excited by the program of AA and all the promise it held for me but I have learned through experience that the human nature is a strong foe, unwilling to pray and meditate daily to improve on a conscious contact with God.  I had taken many people through the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.   I had read the first 164 pages of the Big Book hundreds of times and attended so many meetings that I can't begin to guess how many.  But prayer and meditation at the level necessary to perceive and do God's will, well that was not in my thoughts and therefore, not on my agenda.
                  Then one day, after a decade of sobriety, I came home from the gym and stepped out of the car experiencing such sever pain that I fell to the ground.  I was unable to move for what seemed like such a long time but in reality was only a minute or so.  I had suffered from back problems most of my adult life but I had never experienced such severe pain.  The subsequent M.R.I. disclosed seven herniated discs, an arthritic spine, spinal stenosis, degenerative vertebrae and a degenerated left hip.  This left me unable to function.  I spent the next twelve months of my life incapacitated, ten months of which I was unable to sit as I had to stand or lay.  The medical community offered me a solution of surgery with a 15% chance of some improvement, heavy blood loss and five to six hours on the operating table.  The surgeon said that the surgery was so difficult that he would only encourage it if I could no longer tolerate the pain.
                 I was directed to a kind and loving doctor who has the ability to identify emotional blocks that prevent healing.  After some months of treatment and with some improvement he said to me as I was lying on the table, "I am picking up energy of a resentful nature."  As soon as he said this I instantly and clearly identified my mom, my dad, and my sister - all of whom I had made amends to and prayed to forgive but at some level deep down inside the cells of my body I was unable to bring about the healing needed to release this resentful energy.
                When I returned home I immediately began to pray and meditate and did so on a daily basis as I was unable to function, in severe pain and incapable of complete forgiveness for my family.  After several days I experienced a forgiveness for my family emanating from deep within.  This experience of forgiveness, through the grace of God,  was brought about by the daily practice of prayer and meditation.  On the 14th of June in the year 2001, while meditating, I knew for the first time in my life that my life was worth something.  I had never had that feeling before.  At the age of 54, after 11 years of sobriety, I had self esteem.  My prayer for you is that if you haven't already you will incorporate daily prayer and meditation into your life.

Transformation

           In Chapter 2 of Alcoholics Anonymous titled "There Is A Solution" it is stated, "These observations would be academic and pointless if our friend never took the first drink, thereby setting the terrible cycle in motion.  Therefore, the main problem of the alcoholic centers in his mind, rather than in his body." So, although it is true that an alcoholic has a physical allergy it is the mental obsession which is of the utmost importance - a mental obsession that does not limit itself to alcohol.
                Alcoholism is a unique disease in that it is two-fold (as are most addictions in their nature).  We have a physical allergy which ensures us that each and every time we put alcohol or substances of any addictive nature into our system we get sick and we get drunk or we have the rush we chase after until we get into all kinds of trouble.  But of even more importance is that we have this mental obsession, which ensures that even though we don't want to drink and/or use, sooner or later our minds will tell us it's okay to do so. We will put the alcohol or the substance into our system thereby triggering the physical allergy and we will get loaded once again.
               Dr. Silkworth, the medical benefactor of Alcoholics Anonymous, in the letter he supplied to AA suggests that the thought processes of the alcoholic mind had to be transformed.  His letter goes on to state that this transformation of thought must occur and is essential if an alcoholic is to recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body.  In Bill's story he says, "Simple, but not easy, a price had to be paid. It meant destruction of self centeredness. I must turn in all things to the Father of Light who presides over us all" - a clear description of the transformation which must occur.
                This transformation of thought was difficult for me, even though I understood that it must occur. The difficulty was that I had no understanding of the power and pervasiveness of my human nature and how all-encompassing it is.  I felt a lot of fear in attempting to let go of my mind which was propelled by my human instinct as it was all that I had ever known.  But it is here, in this time and at this moment, when I want to let go and know I need to let go. It is here in this moment now that I must trust in God so that through His grace the transformation of thought may happen.

Written by Armand

An Admission Is Required

        Step One in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous requires an admission to our innermost self that we are alcoholic.  As difficult as this is, we see the progression not only in the amount of alcohol we consumed but the negative effects the alcohol was having on our bodies and on our lives. This realization comes after we declare, "I am an alcoholic" (or "I am an addict") and after we had a desire not to drink and not to use.  We had to make an admission that we were powerless over alcohol, over drugs, over our reckless behaviors, and that our lives had indeed become unmanageable.  We drank, used, and behaved the way our disease willed us to and so many of us relapsed time and time again over events and circumstances in our lives. The happenstances of our lives are only excuses as the real reason we lapsed was because we only wanted or had one foot in the  program, and one foot out of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.

          In Chapter Five of the "Big Book" of Alcoholics Anonymous entitled "How It Works" states, "Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program."  We can chose  not to thoroughly follow the path and so we do not completely give ourselves to this simple program as we are so very defiant by nature.  The result of such defiance is relapse (if we are lucky, death if we are not).

          It is true that an admission is required.  It is true that we must admit complete defeat.  It is true that our lives are unmanageable. It is true that we must admit to our innermost self that we are alcoholic, that we are addict, that we are amok with disease.  It is true that we must surrender to the program of AA.  Once we have made all of these admissions we must integrate the program of AA into our lives in such a way that it becomes our life.  Then maybe, just maybe, for the first time in our  existence we will have a life... a real life...a joyful, loved-filled life.

Written by Armand

Our True Maldy

       In the Big Book Alcoholics Anonymous in the chapter "How It Works" it states, "The first requirement (in taking the Third Step) is that we be convinced that any life run on self will can hardly be a success.  Remember that we deal with alcohol - cunning, baffling, powerful!  Without help it is too much for us.  But there is One who has all power - that One is God. May you find Him now!"  It also says "Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles... So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making...and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness... And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid."

       We have learned through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous that we have three basic instincts. These instincts are God given and necessary for life, but in me I can never get enough of what it is I think I need.  The great psychiatrist Sigmund Freud defines an instinct as "a bodily need manifested in our thought process."  What occurs for us as an alcoholic is our instincts manifest themselves in our thought process and trigger our self-centered fear.  We learned through the program that alcohol is but a symptom of OUR TRUE MALADY. Any addiction is such. OUR TRUE MALADY is self-centered fear: afraid that we are not going to get what we want, afraid that we will lose what we have.  Once our fear is triggered we reach for our character defects in an attempt to satiate our instincts. The only problem is that in us we can never get enough of what it is that we think we need, then we run around chasing our tails creating havoc in our lives - but more importantly, havoc in the lives of everyone around us.  This is the functioning piece of alcoholism.

        As an alcoholic we have a compulsive need to defend our basic human instincts, often to an extreme.  This manifestation of our character defects is a result of our self-centered fear that permeates our lives.  Alcohol is but a symptom of OUR TRUE MALADY. OUR TRUE MALADY is SELF-CENTERED FEAR.

Written by Armand