After sharing the fifth step with myself and another human being, after exhibiting a sense of humility, after acquiring a clarity of mind and a sense of peace I braced myself for the final piece of the step - to admit to God the exact nature of my wrongs. I met my sponsor outside a small chapel on a day just like any other, I thought ... until he swung open the chapel doors. I looked down the center isle to the alter and became immediately aware of the quietness and state of holiness that existed. I froze and swallowed hard, realizing that the next few moments were going to be as profound as any other in all of my life. In that time, that place, and in that moment I was to seek the forgiveness of God for all I had done wrong in the past. Together, my sponsor and I slowly knelt down and he prayed for us in a way that only he would do. When he was finished I shared the exact nature of my wrongs with God - I had then completed the fifth step.
Since then I have participated in many fifth steps with alcoholics and addicts that I have read the Big Book with. It is altogether a
very humbling experience to be a part of - making me feel the utmost of helpful as a human being and supplying a sense of wholeness to lives. Once I did a fifth step with someone and as we were leaving the Church he said, "I know that for centuries people like you have helped people like me do exactly what we did today... but today was the day that I had the opportunity to be a part of it."
Yes, it is a remarkable experience to feel the nearness of God and to share that with another. It is an experience that is not meant to be missed. It is a complete cleansing of the past and, in turn, a receiving of the gift of forgiveness and a clean slate - all built upon a new relationship with God.
Written by
Armand
Edited by
Caitlin Alexandra
The Fifth Step experience is, as you point out, a defining moment in the program of recovery. In revealing the exact nature of my wrongs to another trusted human being, I was simultaneously offered a chance to free myself of the shame and guilt of being me. It wasn't the presence of another person that made taking this Step so spiritually unique. It was in relieving myself of me that the awakening and the optimism to continue moving forward began to take shape. The notion that a personal relationship with The Power Within me was not only possible but completely available came, in part, as the result of taking The Fifth Step with a knowing and steady-handed sponsor. In humbling myself through this Step, the desire to live and love in the way I was meant to live and love increased and enlivened me. I wanted more.
ReplyDeleteMichael in the Step Book it says "when humility is combined with serenity a great moment is apt to occur." That great moment occurred for you on that day and in that Church when you admitted the exact nature of your wrongs with God...Thank you...Armand
ReplyDeleteGoing through the steps of the program I knew I had to be thorough - but I wasn't. Thorough,: "Complete with regard to every detail; not superficial or partial." I skimmed off the top of my mind the nature of my wrongs. I knew that thoroughness was necessary to release myself of the shackles that bound me to a rotten soil - but I was uncomfortably satisfied there.
ReplyDeleteThe problem was this disease I have, a sickness which engraves delusion and a priority of wicked self-preservation within me. I subconsciously refused any actual introspective thought in the step-taking process. I suffered. I despised the advisement of true self-reflection to overcome because the disease encompassed me - I was the disease.
My surface efforts were fruitless. I had not moved any where on the path laid before me by my Higher Power, I had only grounded my feet into the dirt deeper than before I had begun. My falter was my method - it was MY method, not God's almighty. As Einstein said, "we cannot solve our problems with the same level of thinking that created them." I had no level of thinking powerful enough to overcome my tribulations and anguish. I had to succumb to and trust in my Higher Power to do this for me.
Once I came to grips with the reasonings for my failures at this fifth step (and the fourth concurrently) I was able to relinquish control and get my foot off the ground, lifting it only with the Power I found within my gut and soul and being - not my mind.
I continue to lift my feet up one by one and pray I do so with the utmost of thoroughness in every moment and detail of my introspection. This way, maybe I will have a shot at being the recovered and true character God intends me to be.
Caitlin the basis of all the steps is humility as humility unlocks the door to the grace of God. Thank you so much for sharing your experience...Armand
DeleteThis Comment Is From A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic
ReplyDeleteBless you again for sharing your personal experience of that miraculous event I was so blessed to have witnessed. Especially, the all too real feelings of impending doom that precede this most holy conversation. But the floor beneath doesn't drop away, nor do we plunge head first into some fiery pit of self imposed eternal damnation. Remarkably, we are met instead by a tidal wave of limitless Mercy, and Love. We discover that the very God of eternity, the One whom we had cursed, rejected and at times despised has been all the while; patiently, watchfully and yes joyfully waiting in that very place to reunite with His errant child.
Before we utter a word we discover He envelops the humble attitude of our hearts with a Love and Compassion beyond telling. But, like the "Prodigal" written of in Luke 15:11-32 we continue our "confession" anyway, even as waves of forgiveness wash away every remaining vestige of gilt and shame associated with our past. And as we receive Him in our hearts we discover He has already received us in His, as our only Savior, Lord and perpetually Loving Father. In that eternal instant we become, literally... A new creation.
But the encounter isn't finished... It's only just begun, for He imparts to us not only Peace in His presence but an unquenchable desire to encounter Him more completely, and to exercise the power contained in the newly discovered gifts He has bestowed as fully embraced and lovingly cherished members of His eternal family. We discover that the insurmountable wall of mystery that once concealed the "Simple" in the "Program of AA" has been removed, completely swept away by the unseen Hand of the God who created us to experience this very moment and many more yet to be discovered. "Praise be to Him who's mercies endure forever" and thank you Armand, and everyone who has come after, for you're unbending desire, no matter the cost, to become His humble servant and a partaker of His ministry through the 12 Steps of AA that are inarguably grounded in the immutable Word of God and His Holy Spirit that provides the breath of eternal life.
A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic.
A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic knowing that the good lord has forgiven my sin and even the sin I have yet to commit becomes a living example of how I should react when interacting with others. Through the grace of God we are given the power to forgive others...Thank you...Armand
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