Step One in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous requires an admission to our innermost self that we are alcoholic. As difficult as this is, we see the progression not only in the amount of alcohol we consumed but the negative effects the alcohol was having on our bodies and on our lives. This realization comes after we declare, "I am an alcoholic" (or "I am an addict") and after we had a desire not to drink and not to use. We had to make an admission that we were powerless over alcohol, over drugs, over our reckless behaviors, and that our lives had indeed become unmanageable. We drank, used, and behaved the way our disease willed us to and so many of us relapsed time and time again over events and circumstances in our lives. The happenstances of our lives are only excuses as the real reason we lapsed was because we only wanted or had one foot in the program, and one foot out of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.
In Chapter Five of the "Big Book" of Alcoholics Anonymous entitled "How It Works" states, "Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program." We can chose not to thoroughly follow the path and so we do not completely give ourselves to this simple program as we are so very defiant by nature. The result of such defiance is relapse (if we are lucky, death if we are not).
It is true that an admission is required. It is true that we must admit complete defeat. It is true that our lives are unmanageable. It is true that we must admit to our innermost self that we are alcoholic, that we are addict, that we are amok with disease. It is true that we must surrender to the program of AA. Once we have made all of these admissions we must integrate the program of AA into our lives in such a way that it becomes our life. Then maybe, just maybe, for the first time in our existence we will have a life... a real life...a joyful, loved-filled life.
Written by Armand
I am sure that I drank in an ultimate attempt to find myself. Unsure why but I became untethered to my inner core, separated from my soul, completely lost. Fear was both an elemental cause and a booming result. Alcohol, for me felt like the elixer that could re-mix my body, mind, and soul into a whole version of me. In having to admit (concede) to my innermost self that I was an alcoholic, I learned that I actually possessed an innermost self - the part of me from which I had become unknowingly detached. This admission, and the many that followed by incorporating The Twelve Steps into my life, lead me to The Power Within me, to my innermost self. That awareness changed my life by removing the blockage separating my human nature from my divine nature, my body from my soul. Having no Power, I was powerless. The Program of Recovery requires that I find a Power greater than the lost me in order to find myself and my life. It then provides the spiritual tools necessary to follow that path which leads back to the whole me made possible only by The Power Within me. Admission was vital to admittance into my own whole life.
ReplyDeleteMichael an admittance to our innermost self is essential if we are to begin the road to recovery. It is only a beginning. As you say that we must incorporate the rest of the program in such a way that it becomes our life. There we will know peace...Thank you...Armand
ReplyDeleteThis Is from a gratefully recovering alcoholic
ReplyDeleteArmand,
It was my base instinct for survival that compelled the first surrender of my animal appetites that opened the door to Eternal Light. As my journey continues the morning mist's of mystery slowly to dissolve. I have been pulled from the wilderness and placed on a path, a very narrow path, a road less traveled, fearfully uneven with imaginary pitfalls all along the way. Yet, for perhaps the first time in my life I am instinctively at peace with the sure knowledge that the destination is secure. A true Miracle...
As I wrestle this fearful conundrum He recalls to my heart the words of Chapter 5, "We asked His protection and care with complete abandon." And I sense I'm about to further plumb the depths and breath of the meaning of "complete abandon", but not out of mere desperation, but a conscience act of the will. I drop to my knees and fervently seek the One who has placed me here, Who lovingly reminds that I have abandoned my desire to become my own worst nightmare and the path that served as a living definition of "the broad road that leads to destruction."
He reminds me "It's a simple program" that I all too often fearfully make complex. I need only place my weaknesses before Him and failure is replaced by forgiveness and fear is replaced by faith. He is my Constant Compass and His Word and Spirit my one true and only source of security in every insecurity, and sanity in this seemingly utterly insane world. To walk with Jesus, to finally fearlessly accept the love He so freely gives and share it with another is the greatest gift I've ever received and the truest reason and purpose for my being.
A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic