Trust In God

         There is an old Biblical story which relates to having trust in God.  When the Jewish people left Egypt, "The Exodus", God had prepared a land for them - The Promised Land.  The Promised Land was an eleven day journey from Egypt. Moses sent a scout from each of the twelve tribes to explore The Promised Land and report back. They reported that the area was magnificent, a land flowing with milk and honey, but the people there are powerful and the cities well fortified. What's more, "we saw giants seven to nine feet tall". This caused fear in the people. The only scouts willing to face their fear (by trusting in God) were Caleb and Joshua, both willing to enter The Promised Land. The Jewish people decided not to enter. For the next forty years the Jews wandered around in the wilderness until all those who were over twenty at the time had died.  Once again, they stood at The Promised Land and only Caleb and Joshua who were over twenty from forty years ago were allowed to enter as they had been willing to face their fears by trusting in God.

           We each have our own exodus from our own addiction. We became weary of wandering around the wilderness alone. We were ill. We were finished. We face our fears by trusting in God and we enter The Promised Land - a land of serenity, peace and joy. Are you ready?  Have you come to believe that a power greater than yourself could restore you to sanity? Have you come to trust in that power?

Written By Armand

Sponsorship

  I have had the privilege of working with many people in Alcoholics Anonymous. I have worked with all walks of life: male and female, rich and poor, young and old, believers and non believers, Christians, Jews and Muslims. I do the same thing with everyone - I always have the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous between them and me. I simply open the book and we begin reading at the preface. As we read the book we discuss the material. I don't change anything for anyone. The solution, a vital spiritual experience, is the solution regardless of what their problem may be in addition to their addiction. Obviously, if a person has mental problems then additional help is necessary for them.  I never tell anyone what they must do - I just follow the material and incorporate the Twelve Steps as we move through it all: A practice that can be replicated by anyone.

         I know that my behavior is being observed.  Not just whether I can "talk the talk" but more importantly can I "walk the walk".  Am I practicing the principles of AA?  In the forward of The Twelve And Twelve it says, "The twelve steps are a group of principles, spiritual in nature, which if practiced as a way of life can expel the obsession to drink and enable the sufferer to become happily and usefully whole."

         The following is what my sponsees see in me: I am responsible. When asked to take someone through the book of Alcoholics Anonymous, I say yes. I never consider whether I have enough time...  I simply just make it work.  There isn't a greater exercise one can participate in than to help another recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. Nothing. We meet once a week for an hour and I only cancel if I have an urgent family matter or if I am doing step work with another. My emotional state rarely, if ever, changes one week to the next as I am serene and at peace.  I never prepare for a meeting as I am dependent upon and trusting in God.  Again, I never tell another what they must do as it is their recovery. It is their relationship with God.  I am the example, not the taskmaster.

         When we live this life in AA we become happily and usefully whole.  Let us share in this legacy.  

Written by Armand

Become The Being God Created

       When I first walked through the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous I had no idea what to expect. Though quickly I was able to see what worked in others -  a belief in and dependence upon God.  As Bill once said "Would I have it? Of course I would."
          The Sixth Step of the program of  Alcoholics Anonymous is "We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character."  We learn through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous that alcohol is but a symptom of our true malady, our true malady is in fact self-centered fear. We are afraid we are not going to get what we want, afraid that we are going to lose what we have.  Once our fears are triggered we reach for our character defects in an attempt to satiate our human instincts.  The dictionary defines defect as, "the lack of something necessary for completion or perfection."
          We learn in the Fourth Step of the program that it is necessary to find out what it is about us that keeps the Grace of God from our lives. It is in doing this that we discover the exact nature of our wrongs, as we make the list of our defects. In the Fifth Step of the program we confess our character defects.  Then, in the Sixth Step, we are entirely ready and willing to have these defects removed.
          It is our character defects that keep us from the perfection of God - from becoming the human being God created each of us to be and not the self-centered people who care only for their human desires and what they think they need in life.  A person who is willing to use almost any means necessary to fulfill their desires is sick.
          With all of our human flaws we can become the being God created us to be when we turn from our human nature and surrender to His will.

Written by Armand

The Root Of The Problem

It is through all our experience with our character defects that we've realized and recognized, set boundaries and applied cognitive therapy and behavioral modification but all to no avail - using these methods is like applying a band aid to a festering sore. What we really must do is get to the root of the problem. Our character defects exist in our human nature, not in the will of God. Therefore, if we are willing to perform the work necessary for the Spirit to be awakened within us by living in the back half of The Eleventh Step, "Praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out" (Alcoholics Anonymous) , our character defects will not and cannot possibly manifest in our behaviors. The power to carry out such knowledge must come from God, as our human nature will only try to sustain our selfish desires. Once we have taken this step we have pulled the root of the problem from it's poisonous soils.

          Some of us have learned through our experiences that we must do this - turn from our human nature and live in the will of God - if our character defects are not to exist in our behavior. Many of us have not.  In Alcoholics Anonymous it is often said, "Let go and let God."  The "let go" part is in the letting go of our thought process propelled by our human instincts. The "let God" part is thereafter, in which we surrender to the idea that God will propel our thought process through His inspiration.  Inspiration is defined as "the thoughts of God implanted in the mind and soul of man."  When this transformation of thought has occurred, the root of the problem has truly been healed.         

 Written by Armand

The Bright Spot Of Our Lives

As sponsors in Alcoholics Anonymous we must live the principles of the program if we are to have the integrity it takes to present the principles of AA to others.  We have come to understand that our very lives as ex-problem drinkers are dependent upon the lives we are called to help.  Our lives take on a purpose and meaning that we have not experienced before.

    In the "Big Book" of Alcoholics Anonymous in the chapter "Working With Others" it states, "Practical experience shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics... You can help when no one else can... Remember  they are very ill.  Life will take on a new meaning.  To watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a fellowship grow up about you, to have a host of friends - this is an experience you must not miss.  We know you will not want to miss it.  Frequent contact with newcomers and with each other is the bright spot of our  lives."

        There is nothing that we can do with ourselves that is more important then helping someone else recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. Nothing. In order for this recovery to occur for them in its purest form, those we are helping must develop a personal relationship with God. It is through such a relationship with Him that they will recover. It is through this relationship that they will know serenity, peace and joy, maybe even for the first time in their lives.

        Obviously none of this can possibly occur for others if it has not occurred for us - as we cannot give away that which we don't have. Live this life through Him and in helping others do the same, you will be living within the bright spot of your life.

Written by Armand

Another Way To Look At Step Ten

     I like to think of the Tenth Step of the AA program as a hallway - a hallway that I must walk down in order to come into the room in which I can live with God. This hallway needs daily repair as the ceiling is leaking, there are holes in the walls and the floor is buckled. Fortunately, the program of Alcoholics Anonymous has given us an instructional manual so that we can pass through, although we may be encumbered at first.
         Another way to look at this is as if God is the light and my human defects are a clouded glass which no light can shine through.  As I begin to incorporate the program of AA into my life and begin to develop a relationship with God, some of the glass clears and some of the light shines through.  As I continue to incorporate the Twelve Steps into my life, the glass clears even more and even more of the light shines through.  Finally, the day arrives when the glass is transparent and all of the light shines through and it is in this moment that I am one with God and free of the manifestation of my character defects.
          Incorporate the Tenth Step into your daily existence and, eventually, into all your waking moments. We must be persistent. Persistence is the time between the promise of God and the provision of God. Thereafter, a life free of anxiety, fear and resentment can be experienced; cloaked in harmony, peace and serenity.

Written by Armand

The Genesis

      In 1930 a member of the Oxford Group and an alcoholic, Roland Hazzard, visited on more than one occasion with the noted psychiatrist Dr. Carl Jung. After Roland failed to cease drinking multiple times Dr. Jung gave to him the solution for alcoholism -- a vital spiritual experience. Spiritual defined as "of or pertaining to God" and vital as "life giving".  We have to give life to our experience with God. This is accomplished by surrendering our nature to the will of God.

          During what became a historic visit Dr Jung said to Roland, "You have the mind of a chronic alcoholic. I have never seen one single case recover where the state of mind existed to the extent that it does in you."  Our friend felt as though the gates of hell had closed on him with a clang. He said to the doctor, "Is there no exception?" "Yes," replied the doctor, "there is. Exceptions to cases such as yours have been occurring since early times. Here and there, once in a while, alcoholics have had what are called vital spiritual experiences."

           I recant these passages from the chapter There Is A Solution in the "Big Book" of Alcoholics Anonymous to make clear that we do know there is a solution to our alcoholism and that solution is indeed a vital spiritual experience. THE GENESIS of that life-giving experience is God. May you find him now.

          If you are alcoholic or suffer from the disease of addiction and you wish to recover from the seemingly hopeless state of mind and body, surrender your will to the will of God and you will live in this solution to your alcoholism.

Written by Armand

What Was Our Choice To Be?

I had admitted I was alcoholic. I believed in God. I drank twice while a member of Alcoholics Anonymous - once for thirteen months and once for ninety days. Only after the second relapse did I fully realize that I had to make a choice. As the "Big Book" of Alcoholics Anonymous says, "When we became alcoholics, crushed by a self-imposed crisis we could not postpone or evade, we had to fearlessly face the proposition that either God is everything or else He is nothing. God either is or He isn't. WHAT WAS OUR CHOICE TO BE?"

Early on I chose - God is everything. When I made that choice I had no idea of the power of the human instinct, how pervasive it is and how difficult it would be to turn from my nature and to live in the will of God. The second relapse brought me to a state of reasonableness in which I clearly saw that the surrender had to be absolute. In Bill's Story in the "Big Book" it says "Simple, but not easy; a price had to be paid. It meant destruction of self-centeredness. I must turn in all things to the Father of Light who presides over us all." What will you chose - He is and He is everything or the nothingness which envelops one in the darkness? 

Written by Armand

No Need To Create A Past

   The program of Alcoholics Anonymous has in place the fabric necessary to weave through and heal our character defects - whether they surface in our daily or our spot check inventories.  If and when necessary we use the Ninth Step which is, "Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others."  If we decide that an amend is necessary we immediately make it in an effort to live in the present. Only in the present can we be in the will of God, where His grace saves us from creating another past which we will need to extricate ourselves from. Once performed, we thread into the necessary fabric The Seventh Step, "Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings."  If our actions cause us to have any shame or guilt, we then use the Fifth Step of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, "Admitted to God, to ourselves and another human being the exact nature of our wrongs" so that we may be living in the present with a clean slate and a serene mind.

          If we are willing to take our inventories, make our amends, ask God to remove our defects, and share our wrongs with ourselves, God and another human being there will be NO NEED TO CREATE A PAST.  We will have the freedom to exist in the present - in the will of God.

          As alcoholics we have worked hard to free ourselves from our past. If we are willing to weave the program of Alcoholics Anonymous into our lives in such a way that it becomes our life than the creation of a past that, at least subconsciously, is having a negative effect on our present consciousness, will not occur. This is a critical tool in permanent recovery.

Written by Armand

Reliance Not Defiance

     In the Big Book of  Alcoholics Anonymous it says, "When we  encountered A.A., the fallacy of our defiance was revealed.  At no time had we asked what God's will was for us; instead we had been telling Him what it ought to be. No man, we saw, could believe in God and defy Him, too. Belief meant RELIANCE, NOT DEFIANCE. In A.A. we saw the fruits of this belief: men and women spared from alcohol's final catastrophe. We saw them meet and transcend their other pains and trials. We saw them calmly accept impossible situations, seeking neither to run nor to recriminate.  This was not only faith; it was faith that worked under all conditions. We soon concluded that whatever price in humility we must pay, we would pay."

           Reliance upon God is the basis of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous; humility is the key which unlocks the door to the grace of God.  The Twelve Steps of A.A. move us from developing a faith in God to trusting in God and finally a true reliance upon God in every area of our life.  This relationship with Him allows us to transcend the travails of life in such a way that we are not self-centered and caught in our own needs and problems. Rather, we are trusting in the will of God as it unfolds in our life - freeing us to be open to the world around us and sensitive to the needs of others.   

Written by Armand

The Foundation For Progress

      Alcoholics Anonymous states, "the idea that somehow, someday, the alcoholic will control their drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker.  The persistence of this illusion is astonishing.  Many pursue it to the gates of insanity and death.  We learned, some of us through relapse, that we had to fully concede to our innermost self that we are alcoholic...The delusion that we are like other people has to be smashed."

                We learn through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous that we must admit powerlessness over alcohol and that our lives are unmanageable. We must concede to our innermost self that we are alcoholic and, yes, we must admit complete defeat. Once we have done this we have THE FOUNDATION FOR PROGRESS, in the actual program of Alcoholics Anonymous, upon which we can build a real and honest life.  This life of pure contribution allows us to be who we were created to be, thus restoring our self-esteem and allowing others to be themselves around us without any judgement on our part.  Our real and honest life will be ours to live, measured in and by the love we give away.

Written By Armand

Powerlessness Understood

Once much has been accomplished and an ample portion of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous completed, the personal relationship with and the dependence upon God take on much deeper and all-encompassing meanings.
               In the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous in the chapter "How It Works" it says, "We are in the world to play the role God assigns."  We, who have learned through our experience,  know this can be accomplished through the practice of the Twelve Steps.  Specifically it is in the Tenth Step, through daily examination, through which we uncover our character defects and their continuous manifestation in our behavior. Despite this action and reaction to life not being how and what we want it is still powerfully prevalent.  It is here, in the conflict of not wanting to manifest our character defects in our behavior but POWERLESS over such occurrences that we are thrown back into Step One. There, in the midst of Step One we can see so very clearly how we are not only powerless over our use of alcohol and drugs but powerless over every single aspect of our lives.  We had previously learned at a cognitive level that our lives must be given to the care and direction of God - but now, through our personal experiences, we can perceive this with more clarity and at a much deeper and consequential level.
               It is in the taking of the daily inventory that we begin to fully understand the power and pervasiveness of our character defects encoded into our human nature.  To overcome the manifestation of our character defects in our behavior we must subrogate our human nature and utterly abandon ourselves to the will of God. For it is in the infinite power and love of Him that we are healed.

Written by Armand

Self Will Or God's Will

The importance of Step Three is that a decision is made (in fact it is a final choice) for our thought process to no longer be propelled by our human instincts (our self will) but rather by the will of God through inspiration.  Inspiration is defined as, "the thoughts of God implanted in the mind and soul of man."
            The Third Step is, "We mad  e a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him."  In the Big Book Alcoholics Anonymous in the chapter "How It Works" it states, "The first requirement (in taking the Third Step) is that we be convinced that any life run on self will can hardly be a success." As stated prior to this, "Remember that we deal with alcohol, cunning, baffling, powerful.  Without help it is to much for us.  But there is One who has all power -that One is God. May you find Him now!"  The chapter goes further in stating, "Selfishness - self-centerednes! That, we think, is the root of our troubles... So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of  self will run riot..."  Self will is our thought process propelled by our human instincts. In the Big Book it says "above everything we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness and there seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid."
                 I learned in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous that we have three basic instincts, a social, sexual and security instinct.  These instincts are God given and necessary for life but in us we can never get enough of what it is we think we need .  The great psychiatrist Sigmund Freud defines an instinct as "a bodily need manifested in our thought process."  It is there that our character defects exist - but these same defects, which will always exist to some extent in our human nature, cannot possibly be manifested in our behavior when our thought process is propelled by God's will, through inspiration.

The Purpose Of Step Four

       In the Third Step we made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God.  The Fourth Step is the next step in the process, the purpose of which is to find out what it is about me that is keeping the grace of God from my life.  It is through the grace of God that the healing occurs. Many spiritual traditions include a deep and thorough look at the past to discover the truth of what is uncovered.  Alcoholics Anonymous is no different.
           As we work through the Fourth Step we may get the sense that the completed program of Alcoholics Anonymous will allow us, possibly for the first time, to be living our lives as God originally intended us to - free of the manifestation in our behavior of resentment, fear and anxiety.  We will then become the human beings God created us to be and we will maximize our human potential, as the manifestation of our human nature is perfected in the will of God.

Written by Armand

A Purposeful Life

            As sponsors in Alcoholics Anonymous we must live the principles of the program if we are to have integrity in presenting the principles of AA.  We have come to understand that our very lives as ex problem drinkers is dependent upon the lives we are called to help.  Our lives than take on a purpose and meaning that we had not experienced before.
                 
            In the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous in the chapter How It Works it says "practical experience shows that nothing will so much ensure immunity from drinking as intense work with other alcoholics - you can help when no one else can.  Remember they are very ill.  Life will take on a new meaning.  To watch people recover, to see a fellowship grow up about you, to have a host of friends - this is an experience you will not want to miss.  We know you will not want to miss it.  Frequent contact with newcomers and with each other is the bright spot of our lives."
       
           There is nothing that we can do with ourselves that is more important then to help someone else recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body.  Nothing.  In order for this recovery to occur for them in its purest form, those we are helping must develop a personal relationship with God and it is through this relationship that they will recover to know serenity, peace and joy possibly for the first time in their lives.

           Obviously this can't possibly occur for others if it has not occurred for us as we can't give away that which we don't have. Live this life and you will be living A PURPOSEFUL LIFE.

Written By Armand

Discovery Through Inventory

    Our journey through the twelve steps of Alcoholics Anonymous teaches us the value of daily inventory. Much can be discovered and the inner self can be transformed as we move away from the instincts of our human nature and progress into the world of the Spirit. We realize there is no need to wait until the end of each day to perform such an inventory, as we can address the manifestation of our defects as they occur.  The book Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous says, "There is the spot check inventory, taken at any time of the day that we find ourselves getting tangled up." This may be as simple as identifying unkind thoughts that we have of people who are not like us in appearance or beliefs, so that we can reveal and deal with the thoughts as they are happening...and not wait until the end of the day to address such things.
          When we have completed the first nine steps of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous we have extricated ourselves from the past and freed ourselves of the shame and guilt we carried for so many years.  By implementing a daily inventory and progressing it steadily into a spot check inventory, we can tackle the manifestation of our character defects as they occur in the present so that in this moment and at this time we are free of the instincts of our human nature and one with God.
          We have unraveled, treated and released our past and are now free of the bondage of self - we are at peace in the will of God.  Discovery through inventory is a crucial tool of recovery, existing so as not to create yet another unpleasant past that we are burdened to carry into the present.

Written by Armand

Humility With Serenity

              The Fourth Step is the beginning of a process in which we list our resentments, fears and sexual conduct on a four column inventory to determine the exact nature of our wrongs.  Step Five is, "admitted to God to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.  In many great spiritual traditions a deep introspective period is necessary and Alcoholics Anonymous is no different.  The purpose of which is to discover within ourselves what it is about ourselves that is keeping the grace of God from our lives. Then a confession, our Fifth Step, for a sense of relief  from the shame and guilt is common.  If we are to overcome our alcoholism, a review and admission of our  defects is necessary.
                The chapter Into Action in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous states, "we shall be more reconciled with discussing ourselves with another person when we see why we should do so.  The best reason first. Time after time newcomers have tried to keep to themselves certain facts about their lives.  Trying to avoid the humbling experience, they tried easier methods.  Almost invariably they got drunk.  Having persevered with the rest of the program, they wondered why they fell.  We think the reason is they never completed their housecleaning.  They took inventory alright but held onto the worst items in stock.  They only thought they had lost their egoism, they only thought they had humbled themselves in the sense we find it necessary until they had told someone all their life story."
               All the steps of AA are humbling but none more so than the Fourth and Fifth Steps.  To tell someone the deepest, darkest side of ourselves is a very humbling experience.  Along with it comes a sense of relief.  For maybe the first time in our lives we are free of the shame and guilt that we have carried within ourselves for years.  There is a sense of serenity.  The Step Book of Alcoholics Anonymous says, "when HUMILITY is combined with SERENITY a great moment is apt to occur," and for me it was the presence of God in my life for the first time since I was a little boy.
               If we are willing to do a complete Fourth Step as outlined in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous followed by a complete and honest Fifth Step, HUMILITY will intersect with SERENITY and we will know a peace that we have never before experienced.      

Written by Armand

Step Six - Key Questions Step Seven - The Basic Ingredient

         Having completed Steps One through Five, there are some fundamental recovery questions in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous that must be answered before we can move on.
                                   
             1) Have we omitted anything?
             2) Is our work solid so far?
             3) Are the stones properly in place?
             4) Have we skipped on the cement put into the foundation?
                                                                   5) Have we tried to make motor without sand?

          If we can answer these questions in the affirmative, then we have completed the first five steps in such a way that we have acquired the humility necessary to be entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
          The Big Book of AA states "if we can answer to our satisfaction, we then look at Step Six.  We have emphasized willingness as being indispensable.  Are we now ready to let God remove from us all the things which we have admitted are objectionable?  Can God now take them all, every one?  If we can answer in the affirmative we have then completed Step Six.

                 The Seventh Step of Alcoholics Anonymous is "humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings."  In the Step Book it states "this lack of anchorage to any permanent values, this blindness to the true purpose of our lives produced another bad result, for just as long as we convinced ourselves that we could live by our own individual strength and intelligence, for just that long was a working faith in a higher power impossible.  This was true even though we believed God existed.  As long as we placed self reliance first, a genuine reliance upon a higher power was impossible.  THE BASIC INGREDIENT of all humility, a desire to seek and do God's will, was missing."
                 I have learned through experience that belief in God is not enough, that we must trust in God in every area of our lives, even as our every day life unfolds.  The purpose of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous is to bring us from a thought process propelled by our human desires to a thought process propelled by the will of God.  In the will of God our defects that exist in our human nature cannot possibly be manifested in our behavior.  And it is only through true humility, a desire to seek and do God's will, that that can occur.  We can free ourselves from the bondage of self, we can trust in God in all things and, if so, we are protected from the disease of Alcoholism.

Written by Armand

Self - Centeredness

When I become angry or resentful, it is in that moment that I manifest my human SELF-CENTEREDNESS.  In the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous it says "that we think is the root of our troubles."  It also goes on to say "It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness.  To the precise point that we permit these do we squander the hours that might have been worthwhile.  But with the alcoholic whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave.  We found it fatal!  For when harboring such thoughts we cut ourselves off from the sunlight of the spirit."
           The solution to our alcoholism is a vital spiritual experience.  We must give life to our relationship with God.  We accomplish this by turning from our human nature and living in the will of God.  We receive God's will through inspiration conditioned by prayer  and meditation.  We can't possibly be in the will of God when we are manifesting SELF - CENTEREDNESS in our lives , but by sobrogating our human nature to the will of God we cannot possibly manifest the SELF - CENTEREDNESS of our human nature in our behavior.

Written by Armand

The Twelfth Step Can't Give Away That which You don't Have

          The 12th Step of Alcoholics Anonymous is, "Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs."  This step clearly places a responsibility upon us, as sponsors  - but we cannot give away that which we don't have.  The "Big Book" of Alcoholics Anonymous states, "We have recovered and been given the power to help others."  The power to help others is a direct result of the spiritual awakening received in Step Twelve. Until one such spiritual awakening has occurred it is impossible for it to occur in other alcoholics that we may be helping. Furthermore, once the Spirit has been awakened within us we cannot be in the will of God without helping others.  Both in and out of the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous.

           We are gifted the power to carry the message to other alcoholics not only through our words but by incorporating the principles of the Alcoholics Anonymous program (the Twelve Steps) right into our lives, displaying them through our behavior.  Once the spirit has been awakened in those we help then they themselves can lead a recovered life.  These recovered alcoholics will then have the power to help others in the way  necessary, so that still others may recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. Your gift can be a gift to others.

Written by Armand

Primary Characteristics Of An Alcoholic

   Today I was reminded of the work of Dr. Tiebout, a pioneering figure in the treatment of alcoholism and early supporter of Alcoholics Anonymous.  He concurred that "the characteristics of the so-called typical alcoholic are one who is narcissistic with an egocentric core, dominated by feelings of omnipotence and intent in maintaining, at all costs, their inner integrity."  In a careful study of a series of cases regarding the alcoholic by Sillman, Dr. Tiebout reported that Sillman felt he could discern the outlines of a common character structure among problem drinkers and that the best terms he could find to describe said group were, "defiant individuality and grandiosity."  Tiebout concurs with Sillman and states, "...inwardly the alcoholic brooks no control from God or man.  The alcoholic is and must be the master of their destiny."  Tiebout continues, "...granted the more or less constant presence of these character traits, it is easy to see how the person possessing them has difficulty in accepting spirituality and God.  Spirituality, by its demand that the individual acknowledge the presence of God, changes the very nature of the alcoholic.  So, if the alcoholic can use the spiritual tools of recovery and accept the concept of the presence of a power greater than themselves, then he or she by that very step modifies presently and possibly permanently his or her deepest inner structure and when done so without resentment or struggle then they are no longer typically alcoholic."
                 In my own experience with the disease of alcoholism, the belief in God in and of itself is not enough, as I had always had a belief in God.  That belief must also carry with it the component of TRUSTING in God to the point of making a decision to turn my will and my life over to His care.  All we have today is contingent upon our relationship with God - in this day and in this moment.

Written by Armand

A Kernel

         The day I stood in the parking lot drunk such a long time ago a most fortunate event occurred. I bumped into the only person I knew who was in AA. Such kindness he showed me - by speaking with me and taking me to my first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting that very night.  It was there at that meeting that I raised my hand and said "my name is Armand and I am an alcoholic."  Some seven years passed from that first night until I admitted complete defeat.  Those seven intervening years proved difficult ones in my life as a direct result of alcohol.  Fortunately, I did survive a bottom those seven years produced from which I could push up from.
                Since admitting complete defeat I have been blessed with a passion for the program of Alcoholics Anonymous which has given me a life, - a REAL life. I know that in order to keep that life I must give it away.  In the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous it says, "the entire load must be given away."  It also states, "Our very lives as ex problem drinkers depends upon our constant thought of others."  In the rooms, when I see a newcomer or someone there for their first time to my home group I will walk up to them, shake their hand and introduce myself.  When anyone in AA asks for help of any kind, and certainly when I am asked by someone to take them through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous by reading the Big Book together, I say "Yes" - as perhaps that is the day they receive their KERNEL of faith, as I once did when I was blessed by another's kindness.  Through just a KERNEL of faith, maybe, just maybe, they will be on their way to recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body.

Written by Armand

A Purpose Beyond Ourselves

    Alcoholics Anonymous, what a ride! Early on I heard, "I wouldn't trade my worst day in AA for my best day when I was out there."  I was skeptical of these proclamations, but the sincerity of those members' claims could not be questioned, as those people were just like me in that they suffered from an illness (yet they no longer had the struggle).  More importantly they seemed to be living enjoyable and fulfilling lives.  I discovered the similar characteristics of openness and a willingness to give among many of them as they seemed to have found a purpose beyond themselves in Alcoholics Anonymous and needed to disclose the full truth of themselves in order to grow in their purpose.  Now please understand, all of the above was difficult for me to accept because I came from an environment and a lifestyle where cynicism and skepticism were king and queen.  The only purpose I had in life was to satiate my instincts and my own selfish desires.
                 I learned in Alcoholics Anonymous that alcohol is only a symptom of my true malady - self centered fear: afraid that I am not going to get what I want, afraid that I am going to lose what I have.  This fear propels us in our efforts to satiate our instincts and to provide for and meet the demands of our own selfish desires.  Integrating the program of Alcoholics Anonymous into our lives in such a way that it becomes our life takes us out of ourselves thence we are given the power to help others.  That we become capable of putting others' needs before our own is a direct result of the healing that occurs for us - this is a miracle.  We know when we have extracted a purpose (helping others who are just like us to recover from their alcoholism) from our problem we are indeed fulfilling A PURPOSE BEYOND OURSELVES.

Written by Armand

I Don't Know If It's A Good Thing I don't Know If It's A Bad Thing

        Many centuries ago there was a kingdom and in this kingdom there lived a farmer. The farmer owned a beautiful white stallion.  The king of the kingdom desired the farmer's beautiful white stallion so he sent an emissary to the farmer who offered the farmer a quarter of the king's kingdom for his beautiful white stallion. The farmer said, "No, as I love my beautiful white stallion." The very next day the beautiful white stallion ran away and all of the people from the village came running out to the farmer saying, "What a bad thing that happened to you, you could have had a quarter of the king's kingdom and now your beautiful white stallion has run away."  The farmer said, "I don't know if it's a good thing, I don't know if it's a bad thing, all I know is my beautiful white stallion has run away." 

          The very next day the farmer was in his field when he looked up on the hill beyond and saw his beautiful white stallion.  Behind his beautiful white stallion were four more white stallions just as beautiful as his. All the people from the village came running out to the farmer saying, "It's a good thing you didn't trade your beautiful white stallion for a quarter of the king's kingdom, as now you have FIVE beautiful white stallions. You could probably get half of the king's kingdom now!"  The farmer said, "I don't know if it's a good thing, I don't know if it's a bad thing, all I know is I now have five beautiful white stallions." 

          The very next day the farmer's son was breaking in one of the wild white stallions when he was thrown from the stallion and broke both of his legs.  So now, all the people from the village came running out to the farmer saying, "What a bad thing that has happened to you. You need your son to work in the fields and now he can't as he has two broken legs."  The farmer replied, "I don't know if it's a good thing, I don't know if it's a bad thing, all I know is that my son has two broken legs." 

         The very next day the kingdom goes to war and all the able-bodied men are drafted into the army after which they will go to the front end and they will surely die. The farmer's injured son could not go as he had two broken legs.  So, all the people from the village came running out to the farmer saying, "That is a good thing that your son was thrown from the wild white stallion and broke both his legs, as he would have been drafted into the army, been sent to the front end and would have surely died."  The farmer replied, "I don't know if it's a good thing, I don't know if it's a bad thing, all I know is my son can't go as he has two broken legs."

          The moral of the story is that we are not to judge what is occurring in our life as "good" or "bad", but to have faith and trust in God, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

Written by Armand

Conscious Contact

    For me, CONSCIOUS CONTACT is a personal relationship with God in this moment and at this time.  I do not look back in regret nor do I look forward in fear. Through the grace of God in this moment I have relinquished my human nature. My human instincts are no longer propelling my thought process, but rather my thought process is propelled by the will of God through inspiration.
 
       The "Big Book" of Alcoholics Anonymous says, "We may face indecision, we might not be able to determine which course to take.  Here we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or decision. We are often surprised how the right answers will come after we have tried this for awhile.  What used to be the hunch or the occasional inspiration gradually becomes a working part of the mind. We find our thinking will be, as time passes, more and more on the plane of inspiration. We come to rely upon it."  The dictionary defines inspiration as, "the thoughts of God implanted upon the mind and soul of man."  I do not need to run the thoughts of God through my intellect - I instantaneously perceive them as truth. The question becomes, will I be obedient?  Is my behavior going to be propelled by the will of God or by my human instincts?  The back half of the Eleventh Step says, "...praying only for the knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out", as my human nature will never do the will of God.
             
          It is here that a recovered alcoholic lives, in the will of God, through CONSCIOUS CONTACT.

Written by Armand

The Real Problem

What a beautiful program Alcoholics Anonymous is. Not only does it relieve our uncontrollable use of alcohol but is applicable to each and every problem in our lives.
       
We come to A A because we desire to stop drinking alcohol and are unable to do so on our own.  Alcohol severely impacts our lives, our minds, and our bodies.  We discover through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous that alcohol, of itself, is not and was not the problem - it is but a symptom of the problem.  The real problem with us as alcoholics (and addicts of any and all types) is self-centered fear. We are afraid we will not get what we want... and afraid to lose what we have.
       
When any of our human instincts are threatened we overreact until we make the decision in the Third Step of the program to turn our thoughts and our actions over to the care of God. Once we do this we are on our way to a serene and peaceful life.  The integration of the remaining steps into our lives leads us to a life in which we are praying and meditating on a daily basis.  When praying we ask only for the knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out. Remaining in that present state of mind, in the will of God, we do not drink. In God's hands all of our problems are solved.

God is the solution to the real problem. Once we are in His will we do not overreact when we think that our human instincts are threatened as we are trusting in His safety and serenity. May you find Him and his comfort now.

Written By Armand

Trust The Key Component Of Belief

Part of the definition of belief is to Trust.  Trust is the key component of belief.  When I was a teenager I broke my relationship with God. It was a relationship that had developed through the early religious training I received in Catholic grade school.  The fact that I broke my relationship with God did not change that I had always believed in God.  I believed in God even while I was living the life of an alcoholic -- in utter pandemonium. My behaviors had nothing to do with my belief in Him.  It was my lack of trust in Him which led me astray from a relationship with Him for so long. Trust, according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, is "assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something". 

To have such certainty for the Supreme Power requires humility, exactly that which the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous gives us.  The incorporation of the steps of such a program into our lives begins the break down of our egos, so that humility (and all the many benefits from it) can seep into our lives. After some time we actually develop a hunger for it.  I have learned in my experience with the program of Alcoholics Anonymous that humility is the key which unlocks the door to the grace of God.  It is only through this grace that we remain sober and recovered from our addictions and the manifestation of our character defects.  Our egos must be deflated and our human desires subrogated to the will of God.  Belief is necessary but trust is essential.  

TRUST IS THE KEY COMPONENT OF BELIEF.    

Written By Armand

Serenity

    Serenity is the absence of conflict in our thoughts.  We who have committed ourselves to the program (the Twelve Steps) of Alcoholics Anonymous have deemed that it is the program itself which must come first in our lives. Alongside such a commitment comes a personal relationship with a supreme power.  In the chapter How It Works in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous it says " that One is God, may you find Him now. . Living by these honorable ideals ushers the blessings of serenity into the stream of our lives - no matter what transpires.

              

              In the Alcoholics Anonymous literature, Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, such a paragon way of living is elucidated:  "We are no longer frightened and purposeless.  The moment we catch even a glimpse of God's will, the moment we begin to see truth, justice and love as the real and eternal things in life, we are no longer deeply disturbed by all the seeming evidence to the contrary that surrounds us in purely human affairs.  We know that God lovingly watches over us."

             

             By integrating the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous into our lives in such a way that they become our lives, and by manifesting the principles of those steps in our behavior, we have the opportunity to have safe and serene lives. Remembering that joy is not the absence of sorrow, but the presence of God … experience serenity we will.
Written By Armand

Moral Psychology

  Featured in "The Doctors Opinion" of Alcoholics Anonymous is a letter from Dr. William D. Silkworth, the Medical Director of Townes Hospital in New York City (a renowned hospital during that time for the treatment of alcoholics). One of the founders of Alcoholics Anonymous and primary author of Alcoholics Anonymous, Bill W., was under Dr. Silkworth's care on three separate occasions there. In Dr. Silkworth's letter he states, "We doctors have realized for a long time that some form of  moral psychology was of urgent importance to alcoholics ... unless [the alcoholic] can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope for his recovery."          
          Dr. Silkworth and his colleagues believed that not only did the thought processes of the mind need to be completely transformed but the source of what powered these thought processes altered as well.  The American Heritage Dictionary defines psychology as "the science that deals with mental processes and behavior" and it holds the word moral synonymous with the word virtuous. Therefore, what the experts formulated was that the thought processes of the mind had to become virtuous.  In order for this to occur the mind of the alcoholic could no longer be propelled by its own human nature or instincts but rather by the will of God through inspiration. As the latter part of the 11th Step bids, "...praying only for the knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out."                    
          The psychic change is the very core component of the solution to alcoholism - to any and all addictions, really. Through the grace of God (the source that powers the thought processes), a transformed and virtuous thought process is possible and it is real. If one experiences such a change they can recover from this disease of alcoholism and to any and all other vices, habits and addictions this disease encompasses.

Written by Armand

Forming And Sustaining Relationships

        The chapter on the fourth step in Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions describes our dysfunctional relations well: "But it is from our twisted relations with family, friends, and society at large that many of us have suffered the most. We have been especially stupid and stubborn about them. The primary fact that we failed to recognize is our total inability to form a true partnership with another human being."

          I went through my entire life unable to interact with others on an intimate level. I was incapable of allowing others to experience me as I truly was and I was unwilling to allow others to share with me their own true self.  I would present to the world what I thought the world needed to see about me so I could feel good and safe about myself.  In the past, the relationships I did have were of the type which, when I was done taking that which I wanted from them and them from me, the relationship was over.  I was incapable of FORMING AND SUSTAINING RELATIONSHIPS in an honest and caring way with other human beings.

          The greatest gift I have received from developing a personal relationship with God is the ability to interact with other human beings at an honest and true level - therefore forming and sustaining relationships that are caring and loving, loyal and trust-giving. My landing on such soil from which these relations sprout was done simply, but not easily, by going through the twelve steps of the program of AA. This can occur for any who return to the being God created and meant for them to be. When this does occur, human potential is maximized and becoming a recovered, unbroken being is completely possible.

Written by Armand

The Resentment Prayer

  While assembling my 4th step resentment list I found that the best way to cope with the resentments was to first pray for and forgive those that were on my list.  In the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous in the chapter "How It Works" it states, "...we realize that the people who had wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick.  Though we did not like their symptoms and the way they disturbed us they, like ourselves, were sick too.  We ask God to help us grant  them the same tolerance, pity and patience we would grant a sick friend.  When a person offended we said to ourselves, 'Perhaps this is a sick person, how can I be helpful to them? God save me from being angry, Thy will be done.' God will show us how to take a kind and tolerant view of each and everyone."  As I drew closer to God this began to happen naturally, as it can as well for you.

         As an alcoholic I do find that resentment is the number one malfeasance to a serene and peaceful life. If we are to have a clear state of consciousness that is free of conflict; if we are to lead an addiction-free life - a life in which resentment doesn't cause such conflict in our mind then manifest in our behavior - then we must let go of all of our human resentments.  There is often no way possible to do this without the aid of the Highest Power.  "That One is God may you find Him now."

Written by Armand

Unique Disease

       Alcoholism is a unique disease in that it is a two-fold malady. There is the physical allergy that ensures each and every time we put alcohol into our system we'll get sick, drunk, and into all kinds of trouble.  But more paramount - we have a mental obsession that ensures, even though we don't want to drink, sooner or later our mind will tell us it's okay to pick up the intoxicating substance, triggering the physical allergy. We will surely get drunk again.

        Dr. Silkworth, the chief medical benefactor of AA suggests that the thought process of the mind has to be transformed.  The thought process of the mind of an alcoholic must have a psychic change. This change is essential and must be complete.  As Dr. Silkworth stated, "... once a psychic change has occurred the very same person who seemed doomed, who had so many problems they despaired of ever solving them, is easily able to control their desire for alcohol, the only effort necessary being that required to follow a few simple rules."

       The transformation of thought that is necessary to recover from a seemingly hopeless state of both mind and body occurs through the grace of God. This Grace can and will be received through the practice of the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.

        Having admitted complete defeat; having admitted to our innermost selves that we are alcoholic; understanding that our human power could not overcome our alcoholism; having begun to trust in God as a solution to our problems we arrive at Step Three, "... decided to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God." Our will is our thoughts and our lives are our behaviors as we think before we act.  We turn over our thoughts and in doing so, behavior follows suit.

         We pray, "God, I offer myself to Thee, to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do thy will. Take away my difficulties so that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy power, Thy love and Thy way of life.  May I do Thy will always."

        This unique disease cannot be remedied using that which causes it - self-centeredness and fear. Turning our broken, scarred selves over to a much Higher and Mightier power is the simple solution to this bewildering and unique disease.

Written by Armand

Giving

At first, I had no idea that to possess the qualities that many of the members of Alcoholics Anonymous had took a degree of humility - a characteristic I had not a scrap of. I was extremely prideful, but I began longing for this trait of humility as I made my way through the program.
          In the book Alcoholics Anonymous Comes Of Age, in the historic visit to Bill W. from his boarding school pal Ebby T. (a man nearly committed for alcoholic insanity), Ebby outlined the precepts of the Oxford Group. One of the precepts applies to this notion of humility. Practicing the giving of oneself to another is a true act of humility. Ebby told Bill W. to practice giving, as in, the giving of himself to somebody.
          Personally I have learned that it is true humility which unlocks the door to the grace of God.  In order to grow in humility I must begin to let go of my selfish desires and begin to have a faith in God. This eventually blossoms into a complete trust in God. Trust in God was difficult initially, as through the entire course of my life I had used my instincts and my intellect to propel me through. But, when I was faced with a self-imposed crisis that I could not overcome with my human power, I had to rely on a higher power.
          As the Big Book states, "We trust in infinite God rather than finite self." Today, in this day and in this time, I trust in God. The development of this trust in God leads to a caring of others that was impossible for me before.  An alcoholic who is humble enough to trust in God knows that the GIVING of self to the helping of others is a crucial tool of recovery.

Written by Armand

Inspiration

In the chapter "Into Action" in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous it is written,

"In thinking about our day we may face indecision. We may not be able to determine which course to take. Here we ask God for INSPIRATION, an intuitive thought or decision. We relax and take it easy. We don't struggle.  We are often surprised how the right answers come after we have tried this for a while.       

What used to be the hunch or the occasional INSPIRATION gradually becomes a working part of the mind. Being still inexperienced and having just made conscious contact with God, it is not probable that we are going to be inspired at all times. We might pay for this presumption in all sorts of absurd actions and ideas. Nevertheless, we find that our thinking will, as time passes, be more and more on the plane of INSPIRATION. We come to rely upon it."

      

        It is in conscious contact with God that INSPIRATION may be received.  It is where a recovered alcoholic lives.

        INSPIRATION is defined in the dictionary as, "the thoughts of God implanted in the mind and soul of man."  When the thoughts of God are received in our souls we don't need to run them by our intellect, as we know immediately that they are the Truth. The question becomes, has our human nature surrendered to the will of God in this moment so that we are capable of receiving God's thoughts OR are our thought processes propelled by our human instinct?  A recovered alcoholic lives in and through INSPIRATION as their thought process is propelled by the will of God.

Written by Armand

Am I Entirely Ready

The Sixth Step of Alcoholics Anonymous is, "Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character".  The original draft of the Big Book used the word "willing" instead of the words "entirely ready".  I found it helpful to incorporate both into my Sixth Step, so that I had the willingness to be entirely ready.
           As an alcoholic, giving up control is awkward and strenuous - I would rather apply some sort of cognitive therapy or behavioral modification to control my defects.  But practicing that method is like applying a band-aid to a festering infection, it does nothing.  Control of defects is not the snag, but rather that our human defects are not to exist in our behavior, as it is our defects that are keeping us from the perfection that God seeks in us.  God seeks for us to be the human being that He created us to be, thereby able to maximize our human potential.
           When we are in the will of God our human character defects, which exist only in our human nature, cannot possibly manifest themselves in our behavior.
           Yes, I am willing to be entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character

A Fifth Step Story

     After sharing the fifth step with myself and another human being, after exhibiting a sense of humility, after acquiring a clarity of mind and a sense of peace I braced myself for the final piece of the step - to admit to God the exact nature of my wrongs. I met my sponsor outside a small chapel on a day just like any other, I thought ... until he swung open the chapel doors. I looked down the center isle to the alter and became immediately aware of the quietness and state of holiness that existed. I froze and swallowed hard, realizing that the next few moments were going to be as profound as any other in all of my life. In that time, that place, and in that moment I was to seek the forgiveness of God for all I had done wrong in the past. Together, my sponsor and I slowly knelt down and he prayed for us in a way that only he would do.  When he was finished I shared the exact nature of my wrongs with God - I had then completed the fifth step.
   
        Since then I have participated in many fifth steps with alcoholics and addicts that I have read the Big Book with. It is altogether a very humbling experience to be a part of - making me feel the utmost of helpful as a human being and supplying a sense of wholeness to lives. Once I did a fifth step with someone and as we were leaving the Church he said, "I know that for centuries people like you have helped people like me do exactly what we did today... but today was the day that I had the opportunity to be a part of it."
   
       Yes, it is a remarkable experience to feel the nearness of God and to share that with another. It is an experience that is not meant to be missed. It is a complete cleansing of the past and, in turn, a receiving of the gift of forgiveness and a clean slate - all built upon a new relationship with God.

Written by Armand

Humility As A Recovery Tool

    The basis of all 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous is humility, the spirit of which is necessary in keeping our egos deflated. Admitting to our innermost self that we are alcoholic, learning to trust in God, and making a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God are all steps on the road to humility.  In the Fourth Step, identifying who we are and acceptance of what that means is both ego-deflating and humbling.  As for myself, the most paramount of steps in which I accepted humility was the 5th Step, during which I shared my 4th Step - the deepest, darkest side of myself - with myself, God and another human being.

          In the 7th Step we offer all of ourselves, the good and the bad, to God - to do with us as He would do so that our human character defects do not manifest themselves in our behavior.  Another step in which humility occurs is the 9th Step,as we go out and make our amends, reconciling the wrongs we have done in the past. And finally the 11th Step, in which recovered alcoholics reside, praying only for the knowledge of God's will and the power to carry that out. All of these steps can only be performed and will only be successfully taken with a humbled spirit.

          Humility unlocks the door to the Grace of God. Only through such a humbled spirit may we recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body - making humility absolutely necessary.

Written by Armand

Admit And Accept

   In The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions it is written: "A continuous look at our assets and liabilities, and a real desire to learn and grow by this means, are necessities for us. We alcoholics have learned this the hard way. More experienced people, of course, in all times and places have practiced unsparing self-survey and criticism. For the wise have always known that no one can make much of his life until self-searching becomes a regular habit, until he is able to ADMIT and ACCEPT what he finds, and until he patiently and persistently tries to correct what is wrong.

      Through daily inventory we can admit and accept that our character defects are a part of our human nature, a part that cannot manifest if we are truly living in the will of God. We are completely capable of understanding, if the proper work on the 12 steps is thoroughly done, that our human nature is in fact defected. We must accept this about ourselves if we desire to be recovered.

       In the program of Alcoholics Anonymous it is often said, "Let go and let God."  The "Let go" part is turning from the incessant prompts of our human nature and the "Let God" part is living in, and thereby manifesting, the will of God.  Living in the raw-natured will of God, our character defects cannot be manifested in our behavior - it is in such a spiritual place that our nature can be perfected as we become the human being that God created us to be.

          Self-survey is a most powerful tool of recovery.

Written by Armand

The Eighth Step Another Chance To Pray For And Forgive

   As I began the fourth step of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous I faced the four column inventory of my resentments, fears and sexual conduct.  My sponsor suggested that I begin to    pray for and forgive all of those on all of my lists.  In the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous there is a prayer for each of these lists - three prayers in total.
      The Eighth Step of Alcoholics Anonymous, "Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all," is yet another chance to pray for and forgive all those on all of my lists and to begin doing the same with any new situations that may arise.  We are already in possession of an Eighth Step list - extracted from our Fourth Step inventory.  As we begin to pray for and forgive we are also making a beginning on Steps Eleven and Twelve.

       Prayer and forgiveness are essential tools if we are to recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body  We learned in the Fourth Step that resentments toward others is the number one offender to a relationship with God, as we are called to love all, although we are never to be accepting of evil.

       The Eighth Step provides for us ANOTHER CHANCE TO PRAY FOR AND TO FORGIVE all those on our lists. This is necessary in order to bring the Spirit into our Ninth Step amends.     

Written by Armand

The Folly Of Control

TThe literature of Alcoholics Anonymous says as alcoholics, " Our egomania digs two disastrous pitfalls. Either we insist upon dominating the people we know, or we depend upon them far too much.  If we lean too heavily on people, they will sooner or later fail us, for they are human, too, and cannot possibly meet our incessant demands. In this way our insecurity grows and festers.  When we habitually try to manipulate others to our own willful desires, they revolt, and resist us heavily.  Then we develop hurt feelings, a sense of persecution, and a desire to retaliate.  As we redouble our efforts at control, and continue to fail, our suffering becomes acute and constant.  We have not once sought to be one in a family, to be a friend among friends, to be a worker among workers, to be a useful member of society.  Always we tried to struggle to the top of the heap, or to hide underneath it.  This self-centered behavior blocked a partnership relation with any one of those about us.  Of true brotherhood we had small comprehension."

         It is in the letting go of self and trusting in God that allows us to accept others as they are and to relinquish control. One of the greatest gifts from the program of A.A. is to have true and honest relationships with those around us. We can learn how to interact with others through our interaction with God in the Eleventh Step.  We can learn how to love and how to allow ourselves to be loved   We can learn how not to interact with other personalities, which we can like or dislike, but rather to interact with the part of them that is good - the part of them that is God.

       It is in the letting go of self and the trusting in God that allows us to accept others as they are (and ourselves as we are).  This allows us not only to relinquish control but to have no need or desire to control at all.

Written by Armand

Motivation To Complete Step Nine

      The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous says, "We have a list of all persons we have harmed and to whom we are willing to make amends.  Now we go out to our fellows and repair the damage done in our past.  We attempt to sweep away the debris that has accumulated out of our effort to live on self will and run the show ourselves.  If we haven't the will to do so, we ask until it comes (a ninth step prayer).   Remember, it was agreed upon at the beginning that we would go to any lengths for victory over alcohol."  It was difficult for me to find the person to share my Fourth Step with and to share the exact nature of my wrongs with God.  However, I did, and in doing so I found a sense of relief through the power of  forgiveness.  Coming to Step Nine of the twelve steps of Alcoholics Anonymous was somewhat daunting, yet easier, as I then had the experience of God on my side.   The Fifth Step brought a sense of relief - the beginning of a serene life. For the first time since I was a small boy I felt the presence of God in my life.  I knew then that sobriety by itself was not enough, that I desired to be recovered.  I knew that the solution was and is a vital spiritual experience and having a relationship with God in whom I trust. Therefore, I had plenty of motivation and desire to adopt the humility necessary to make amends to the people I had harmed - Step Nine.

          I learned through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous not to consider any harm that had been done to me. Besides, it was much easier to do so at that point as I was praying for and forgiving those on my list.  In the Big Book it states, "Under no condition do we criticize such a person or argue.  Simply we tell them that we will never get over our drinking until we do our utmost to straighten out the past.  We are there to sweep off our side of the street realizing that nothing worthwhile can be accomplished until we do so, never trying to tell them what they must do."

 
          This is how I approached the Ninth Step.  I began with my immediate family. Life is funny -things don't always occur in what is perceived and assumed as the proper sequence.  My father had passed before I had any consciousness that I owed him an amends.  I went to his grave and grieved over his death and our life together.   My mother was having serious cognitive problems and, although I was able to make a verbal amends to her, the amends came as she was sinking deeper into her illness and when I was actually able to care for her.  My sister, who was shocked in my attempt to make amends to her, could only say, "Really? Really?!"  And on it went.  To those I could not see and to those that did not want to see me I sent a sincere and complete letter and prayed for the best for them.  It became easier as I moved through the list.

   
          In the Fifth Step I began to feel serenity and, now with the tasks of the Ninth Step complete, I have extricated myself through the grace of God from the past - I was free, maybe for the first time in my entire life.

Written by Armand