The chapter on the fourth step in Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions describes our dysfunctional relations well: "But it is from our twisted relations with family, friends, and society at large that many of us have suffered the most. We have been especially stupid and stubborn about them. The primary fact that we failed to recognize is our total inability to form a true partnership with another human being."
I went through my entire life unable to interact with others on an intimate level. I was incapable of allowing others to experience me as I truly was and I was unwilling to allow others to share with me their own true self. I would present to the world what I thought the world needed to see about me so I could feel good and safe about myself. In the past, the relationships I did have were of the type which, when I was done taking that which I wanted from them and them from me, the relationship was over. I was incapable of FORMING AND SUSTAINING RELATIONSHIPS in an honest and caring way with other human beings.
The greatest gift I have received from developing a personal relationship with God is the ability to interact with other human beings at an honest and true level - therefore forming and sustaining relationships that are caring and loving, loyal and trust-giving. My landing on such soil from which these relations sprout was done simply, but not easily, by going through the twelve steps of the program of AA. This can occur for any who return to the being God created and meant for them to be. When this does occur, human potential is maximized and becoming a recovered, unbroken being is completely possible.
Armand,
ReplyDeleteFrom my earliest youth I was taught the Way, the Truth and the Light... But I chose a way of loneliness and pain. Everyone and everything I encountered was another opportunity to satisfy the ever growing insatiable appetites of a wondering scavenger whose only true skill was deception. Lying was my life. My life was my prison. Drinking was my futile attempt at escape from the carnage left in my wake and the premiere vehicle to justify creating another.
But, somebody was praying for me. Perhaps it was a family member, perhaps it was a neighbor. Perhaps it was one of the many people I had harmed in my self-centered black hole of a life. But somebody was inspired by God to place me on their prayer list and having been miraculously delivered from a self imposed prison of misdirected survival skills that fund me at the precipice of an ignominious death, I was delivered. In the rooms of AA I have surrendered my life. I have passed my pen to the Master Planner and moved from prisoner to pilgrim.
It has not always been without struggle. Life is not a consistent encounter with rainbows and unicorns. I still must contend with the ever-present seductions of the world and though now graciously subdued, the ever present calling of the appetites of my flesh. But throughout every encounter His grace abounds. This new life is no longer dependent totally upon me. The eternal struggle is no longer encountered alone and the mystery for managing the transition has now been laid before me with a simple clarity that only comes through an ever expanding relationship with the only True Source of Power, Light and Love.
That divine gift of willingness, that "Grain of a mustard seed of faith," spoken of in Matthew 19-20; is no longer light years away. My willingness now grows by every encounter with life's former problems and perplexities into a deep and abiding faith. I can now experience Gods people as true brothers and sisters and desired gifts from above, as every encounter reveals the only true touchstones of faith, love and compassion growing an unyielding devotion to the Author and Finisher of this new journey and the unspeakable richness of the mind and plan of God.
In Steps 4 and 5 The Author provided the Holy Spirit who now resides within me. He reminds me of the simple steps that first brought me to this place. He teaches that truth without love is pride and that love without truth is mere sentimentality. That the purpose of life and all of His creation is an eternal relationship by, with and through Him... When all around seems vexed and troubled. When confusion and conflict abound. He compels the surrender of every encounter within life's lesson plan and gently reminds it has been lovingly written into eternity, just for me, that I may continue to discover Him as He truly is.
A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic
A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic Only through the integration of the 12 Steps into our life in such a way that it becomes our life is what you speak of possible for us as Alcoholics...Thank you...Armand
DeleteYou've said it all. How could a defective me have anything resembling a wholesome relationship with anyone or anything else. The answer is I couldn't. But didn't I love my children, my Mother?? I would have sworn I did but I still drove drunk with my children in the back seat. I kept my Mother on her knees burning candles for my safe return after being gone on three day binges. Before and during all that abysmal alcoholic "living", I loathed myself for what I was doing and for whom I had clearly become. Finally, admitting to my innermost self that I was an alcoholic, I began to work on my relationship with myself through finding a personal relationship with The Power Deep Within me. That was only possible by incorporating all Twelve Steps into my life in a way that, over time (time takes time),they became my life. In being able to rightfully relate to myself, I'm now in possession of the ability to form, honor, and trust my relationships with others. As a result, I've learned to find what I'd always been looking for - a way to love myself. Only possible through the program of recovery.
ReplyDeleteMichael the grace of God allows us to accept ourselfs as we are and the same for those around us...Thank you...Armand
DeleteAlice Miller's books delineate how a "false self" can become operational in children. I heard someone describe it perfectly in a meeting Monday. He said "I'm enslaved by fear of what I think you think of me." Matthew Fox, a radical Catholic priest, coined term "original blessing". How the world tells us it's not safe to be you is pervasive (an I rich enough, tough enough, ..I'm not too blind to see). Ironically what we learn people will like us for (job titles, designer clothing...) can be precisely what separates us from others. Yes, AA can reveal an authentic person inside. One of my first experiences of this was hearing inside myself a genuine "I love you. My connection to that still small quiet inner voice was compromised by the alcoholic obsession. Obsession with what I think others think of me or any other obsessive thoughts can separate me from this authentic self. Step 2 is an aspect of being restored to sanity (hearing a voice of Love inside). Intimate safe sharing with a sponsor chosen with discretion is part of it too, Learning it's safe and even desirable to be vulnerable is a great blessing and gift. Compassionate beings help me see it's safe and reflect HP.
ReplyDeletespiritual Being welcome back. When one lives in the will of God they become the being God created them to be... Thank you...Armand
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ReplyDeleteTrue. True. Thank you. I'm still attempting to work steps to overcome: taking things personally, worry about what others think - especially significant others and feeling projected and internalized related to sense of not being enough. Rather than envy of others any comparisons lead me to just feeling bad about myself - not pretty enough, not accomplished enough... Christ I believe was a pretty humble guy and focused on HP. His inner compass knew it's home. Forest Gump sort of illustrates to me this inner focus, humility and ability to do the right thing. I'm not there yet. My ego gets the better of me still all too often.
ReplyDeleteI am entirely ready to have God remove these obstacles to freedom.
ReplyDeleteSpiritual Being Great Step. Keep it up...Thanks...Armand
DeleteMaybe I need outside help. The focus on others includes all my instincts being focused on others opinions, needs, wants and demands. The anatomy of trauma according to experts creates such aberrations. If a false self is formed as an innocent child for survival, and the pattern is still playing out, it's a mess of inputs for a trauma survivor. For many years I've studied and practiced empathetic listening. Trauma survivors exhibit consistently this fear based focus on others and often neglect self care.
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