In the Big Book Alcoholics Anonymous in the chapter "How It Works" it states, "The first requirement (in taking the Third Step) is that we be convinced that any life run on self will can hardly be a success. Remember that we deal with alcohol - cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is One who has all power - that One is God. May you find Him now!" It also says "Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles... So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making...and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness... And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid."
We have learned through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous that we have three basic instincts. These instincts are God given and necessary for life, but in me I can never get enough of what it is I think I need. The great psychiatrist Sigmund Freud defines an instinct as "a bodily need manifested in our thought process." What occurs for us as an alcoholic is our instincts manifest themselves in our thought process and trigger our self-centered fear. We learned through the program that alcohol is but a symptom of OUR TRUE MALADY. Any addiction is such. OUR TRUE MALADY is self-centered fear: afraid that we are not going to get what we want, afraid that we will lose what we have. Once our fear is triggered we reach for our character defects in an attempt to satiate our instincts. The only problem is that in us we can never get enough of what it is that we think we need, then we run around chasing our tails creating havoc in our lives - but more importantly, havoc in the lives of everyone around us. This is the functioning piece of alcoholism.
As an alcoholic we have a compulsive need to defend our basic human instincts, often to an extreme. This manifestation of our character defects is a result of our self-centered fear that permeates our lives. Alcohol is but a symptom of OUR TRUE MALADY. OUR TRUE MALADY is SELF-CENTERED FEAR.
Written by Armand
Alcohol created so many layers of problems that it itself appeared to be the very root of the problem. It would then follow that the solution to the problem was no more alcohol - abstinence. White knuckles were sure to follow. AA is, without doubt, the greatest learning process of my life. The Big Book and the program of recovery, precisely outlined therein, is, without doubt, the greatest gift of AA in my decades-long experience of sobriety. As you point out, the true nature of my malady had to be uncovered in order for me to recover from my hopeless state of mind and body. A life of alcohol-induced woe was only symptomatic. I was soul-sick, unwhole, not the man I was born to be. My dishonor for myself was pervasive and it was complete. The true malady seethed under the layer of self-centered fear, a fear so intense that it rendered my spirit dead. The only possible solution was a vital spiritual experience. Life had to be given to my spirit through The Power Within me - the only way. But a relationship with That Power had to occur. How? By incorporating The Twelve Steps into my life until they became my life. Nothing short of that would provide the solution to my true malady. I was afraid of myself because myself was all I had. Today I am awakened to The Power and to its exact location - within me. But I will only be in full possession of that Power through the Gift of giving it away.
ReplyDeleteMichael love when you wrote"a fear so intense that it rendered my spirit dead." Precisely the problem healed by an awakening within through a love for God and a love for others...Thank you...Armand
DeleteThis is what I was told after completing step 5 that self centered fear was at the bottom of it all. How true and it took a lot of drinking and consequences to find this out. It can return in all sorts of different forms today and until I work the program on it by asking God for help it doesn't go away. Thank goodness for step 4 and 5 that allowed me to see what was wrong and what needed to be worked on, my relationships with others my defects and my amends. There is a way out and it is the program of AA.
ReplyDeleteAnne how true when you wrote"fear can return in all different forms today." The solution you also wrote "until I work the program on it by asking God for help." The integration of the Steps of AA into our life in such a way that it becomes our life is a life worth living for an alcoholic...Thank you...Armand
DeleteThis Comment Is From A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic
ReplyDeleteThanks for Sharing Armand,
Self centered fear and pride, together with covetousness exquisitely describe the motive force that propels every person who is absolutely inwardly convinced that the entire known universe was uniquely and exclusively created just for them. Yet, a casual glance at the world at large confirms that these regrettable characteristics are not the exclusive estate of the Alcoholic mind. Even the most sober minded and spiritual among us suffer the cravings of misdirected appetites and any denial of our true condition is the primal delusion that must be rooted out and tossed into the pit from which it originated for it is a core spiritual state that cannot even be recognized let alone overcome without Devine intervention. One of the greatest saints who ever lived wrote of this nearly 2000 years ago and I'll defer to the problem he identified and the solution he discovered.
Romans 7: 14 - 24
14 We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. 15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18 For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[c] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
21 So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22 For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; 23 but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. 24 What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? 25 Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!
This gratefully recovering alcoholic has painfully proven in the past that even when I inwardly agree that the course I choose will ultimately lead to self destruction I will still "throw the dice" as my appetites demand hoping for a better outcome; and that my friend is insanity... Simple knowledge of my condition is of no avail until I fully accept that I'm completely, utterly and constitutionally incapable of overcoming my own will and, any self powered effort in that direction is tantamount to placing a hair net over the space shuttle with the expectation of preventing the launch.
Today I pray, dear God I respond now to Your invitation. You have called me to place into Your capable hands the trials and tribulations within me and about me. Help me to turn my cares over to You, and to rest in the assurance that Your solutions are greater than my problems. Give me a clear head and a trusting heart as I press onward on the path You have marked before me. You are the only one who can enter the tomb to breathe life into the fetid state of a long dead soul and provide a Damascus Road meeting with the Author of Light. Help me to continually uncover the peace, serenity and assurance that is the immutable fabric of a life lived in the arms of You, my Savior and Lord.
A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic
A gratefully Recovering Alcoholic i can personally say that the scripture you used is alive in my human nature and always will be. It is why I pray only for the knowledge of Gods will for us and the power to carry it out as my human nature will never do the will of God but will only try to satiate that which is insatiable within me...Thank you...Armand
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