Our lives were lived to constantly fuel and satisfy our desires. We protected our instincts that were warped by fear and self-absorption. We lived our lives in defiance wrapped around our own self-centeredness - with extreme sensitivity and grandiosity. Our nature could never initiate or sustain true, honest relations with other human beings. We were forever searching outside of ourselves, completely unaware that the solution to our problem lay within. These lives we lived, fueled by fear and insatiable desires to appease our human instincts, became so anxiety-filled that we increasingly sought escape as a way to experience ease and comfort within. We were a contradiction unto ourselves.
As for myself, the escape was the increasing use of alcohol that led to addiction. I sought control over my addiction yet to no avail. This inability to control created a series of very negative consequences in my life. I was driven by a self-will that knew no boundaries. I constantly attempted to fix the problem with my own internal drive. I was trying to solve my problem with my problem. We cannot ever solve the problem with the problem.
I was unaware of the uniqueness of the disease in that it is a two-fold one. We have a physical allergy, which ensures that each and every time we put the substance(s) into our system we will get sick, drunk/high, and into all kinds of trouble. But, more importantly, we have a mental obsession which ensures that even though we don't want to drink or use or behave in such a way our disease wants us to. Sooner or later our minds will tell us it's ok. We will satiate our desires, we will trigger the physical allergy and we will ultimately succumb to the hand of addiction. Time after time, using our minds to create a way to control our disease and always failing to do so is proof to us that we can't solve the problem with the problem.
The solution to our problem with alcohol, with drugs, and with every problem borne from our defective, ill nature is a relationship with God. Through a vital spiritual experience which we temper and enlighten with prayer and meditation we foster such a relationship. The experience occurs in our lives when the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous are integrated into it. We practice the steps in such a way that they become our lives so that the problem will be solved.
Written by Armand
While my mind projected that the solution to my inexorable problem existed outside of me, some deeper part of me yielded a feeling of an internal solution, a silent certainty, a loving force within my soul.Today, I know and possess a personal relationship with That Power Within me, revealed as clearly as is possible by incorporating The Twelve Steps into my life until they affected my way of life. Yes, the problem was confined to my mind which powered my will which, in turn, led to a nadir of self-esteem and a plethora of self-loathing. I lived in noisy, drunken despair. My mind, the true manifestation of my self-centered fear, was useless in returning me to me. Recovery became possible only by letting go of my human nature and replacing it with Trust. I agree that the solution is within me and within all of us. The Big Book tells us that there is no other place to look. Looking at myself was the first step in loving myself through The Power Within me. It was the last place I ever thought to look.
ReplyDeleteMichael Attempting to satiate the insatiable. An alcoholic who uses their mind to overcome their problems is the manifestation of the Alcoholic illness. The solution to that illness is a vital spiritual experience. A life lived in the will of God born to us through the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous...Thank you...Armand
DeleteIt took a lot of pain, suffering and embarrassment to realize that I was totally out of control. I had lived in a family that had shown me time and time again, no matter how smart I was or accomplished, alcohol would eventually take it all away. So at my low point, I could finally hear what other alcoholics were saying, "The only thing I needed to change was everything." But I didn't know how. The how started with a vital spiritual experience that allowed me to glimpse into the future where I saw that I could live alcohol free, but more importantly without fear. The process of AA gave me a road map to follow so I can learn to change everything.
ReplyDeleteJim The bottom is where the bottom is and no one is integrating into their life, in the way necessary until the bottom is reached...Thank you... Armand
DeleteThis Comment Is From a Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic
ReplyDeleteWell said my brother, for no one is capable of willing away their own will and truth be told, we have no desire to do so. From the very beginning of our earthly journey we instinctively turn to full throttle fits of rage until our demands are met, our bellies are full and a freshly powered diaper is wrapped around our bottoms... Some of us have been fortunate in our upbringing and are given healthy boundaries. Some of us have been raised by wolves.... But they too can recover if they have the capacity to be honest.
But, I chose my own way, made my own plans and justified my excesses with nonsensical arguments that could only have been birthed in the dark dank cellar of a self-deluded mind. Life finally became a desperate race for any elixir to numb the pain of a journey with no meaning and a future destination too terrifying to contemplate. Alcohol became both vehicle and fuel for my afterburner fired journey through the gates of a living Hell... Yet, when all hope was lost, when death became the only frighteningly attractive option left, an Unseen Hand reached out from eternity and in the rarest moment of sanity, I cried out in desperation and remorse to that same God I had ignored and abandoned for most all of my life.
And, In that very instant, in that very place, I discovered that like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz the "ruby slippers" had been available all along. I simply chose to ignore them. The 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous are in a very real sense the "ruby slippers" of a Loving God's personal invitation to that radical change that finally brings us home. Today, I have no need to fear the future nor regret the past for I am convinced that He is more than able and faithful to complete the good work He has begun in me and all who humbly seek His face just one day at a time, every day of our lives, until we meet Him face to face.
A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic
A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic a complete and utter trust in God is a gift of Grace as a result of the integration of the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous into our lives in such a way that they become our life...Thank you...Armand
DeleteHow true it is that we can't solve the problem with the problem no matter how hard we try and many pursue it to the gates of insanity or death. That's the truth of it. But there is a way out in Alcoholics Anonymous where if we apply the principles we can transform our seemingly hopeless state of mind and body into a useful one if we follow a few simple steps. We are each given what we need when we reach the bottom and then we can embrace it and recover not needing to drink again and recoiling as if from a hit flame. These are the promises of AA if we work for them. My sobriety is strengthened each time I ask my Higher Power for guidance in all that I do.
ReplyDeleteAnne the insanity of self will and all the problems that brings to us as alcoholics and our repeated attempts at control is astonishing. The surrender necessary to recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body is for our thought process to be propelled by the will of God...Thank you so much...Armand
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