Step One in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous requires an admission to our innermost self that we are alcoholic. As difficult as this is, we see the progression not only in the amount of alcohol we consumed but the negative effects the alcohol was having on our bodies and on our lives. This realization comes after we declare, "I am an alcoholic" (or "I am an addict") and after we had a desire not to drink and not to use. We had to make an admission that we were powerless over alcohol, over drugs, over our reckless behaviors, and that our lives had indeed become unmanageable. We drank, used, and behaved the way our disease willed us to and so many of us relapsed time and time again over events and circumstances in our lives. The happenstances of our lives are only excuses as the real reason we lapsed was because we only wanted or had one foot in the program, and one foot out of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.
In Chapter Five of the "Big Book" of Alcoholics Anonymous entitled "How It Works" states, "Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program." We can chose not to thoroughly follow the path and so we do not completely give ourselves to this simple program as we are so very defiant by nature. The result of such defiance is relapse (if we are lucky, death if we are not).
It is true that an admission is required. It is true that we must admit complete defeat. It is true that our lives are unmanageable. It is true that we must admit to our innermost self that we are alcoholic, that we are addict, that we are amok with disease. It is true that we must surrender to the program of AA. Once we have made all of these admissions we must integrate the program of AA into our lives in such a way that it becomes our life. Then maybe, just maybe, for the first time in our existence we will have a life... a real life...a joyful, loved-filled life.
Written by Armand
The Preface, the Forewards, The Doctor's Opinion, and the first four chapters of The Big Book were written before Bill et al decided that they should clearly delineate "How It Works." The words "thoroughly followed our path" are ultra-important for me because, after decades in the program, I still had one foot on my own path and one foot somewhere in the fellowship/meeting maker-path. The program of recovery path managed to elude me until life presented one inescapable fact: my spirit was not fully awakened. As a result, my existence, though alcohol-free was ho-hum at best. I finally had to admit to precisely that. A sponsor with his hand on and in The Big Book directed me to the program of recovery as the intended path for alcoholics who hope to recover instead of "just not drink." Through a re-commitment to incorporating The Twelve Steps into my life, my spirit, through conscious contact with The Power Within me, is alive and well as never before. This transformation is possible to anyone and everyone who follows the path. "That is where we shall meet our fellow travelers and that is where our work must be done."
ReplyDeleteMichael your experience in AA where you had one foot in and one foot out of the actual program of Alcoholics Anonymous is not uncommon. I think that the growth of AA has watered down the true program. It is why it is so crucial to read the literature of the early years of AA...thank you...Armand
DeleteRarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. For me it's the twelve steps and giving back what was freely given and the path that was paved by the pioneers of AA, the first one hundred so that others could follow in their steps and have a sober and spiritual life. I had to surrender eventually and it was then that I could with the help of a sponsor move away from the nightmare that was alcohol and the grip it had on my life. That moment of clarity came when I didn't expect it to and it enabled me to leave the drink down and move on with a sober life which I owe to AA.
ReplyDeleteAnne great stuff. The surrender that sticks is the one where we surrender out thought process to the will of God...Thank you...Armand
DeleteIt was in my greatest pain and humiliation from my alcoholism that I received the Grace to realize that alcohol totally kicked my butt. That low point convinced me that I can no longer take a drop of booze without it sending me down the same road I had traveled thousands of times before in my life. I was on the verge of losing it all when the realization of complete powerlessness over alcohol became my new normal. I was born again out of the pain I was going through from my drinking. My ego had been shattered long enough to look to God as the only way I could find peace. At that same moment, AA became the only alternative left for me to turn to. That was my vital spiritual experience.
ReplyDeleteJim you are so right that God is the only way for an alcoholic to find peace...Thank you...Armand
DeleteThis Comment Is From a Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic
ReplyDeleteArmand,
It was my base instinct for survival that compelled the first surrender that opened the door to Eternal Light. As my journey continues the mist's of mystery slowly dissolve. I have been pulled from a desolate desert wilderness and placed on a path, a very narrow path, a road less traveled, fearfully uneven with imaginary pitfalls all along the way. Yet, for perhaps the first time in my life I am instinctively at peace, possessed with the sure knowledge that the destination is secure.
As I first wrestled this fearful conundrum He recalled to my heart the words of Chapter 5, "We asked His protection and care with complete abandon." And I sensed I'm about to further plumb the depths and breath of the meaning of "complete abandon", but not out of mere desperation, but a conscience act of the will. I drop to my knees and fervently seek the One who has placed me here, Who lovingly reminds that I have abandoned my desire to become my own worst nightmare and the path that served as a living definition of "the broad road that leads to destruction."
He reminds me "It's a simple program" that I all too often fearfully make complex. I need only place my weaknesses before Him and failure is replaced by forgiveness and fear is replaced by faith. He is my Constant Compass and His Word and Spirit my one true and only source of security in every insecurity, as sanity of thought begins to overcome the shallow cacophony of message meanderings spewed endlessly by an utterly insane world. To walk with Jesus, to finally fearlessly accept the love He so freely gives and share it with another is the greatest gift I've ever received and the truest reason and purpose for my being.
A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic
A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic to integrate the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous into our lives in such a way that they become our lives leads us to a complete and utter abandon to the will of God...Thank you...Armand
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