I have learned through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous that I have three basic instincts: a social, a sexual and a security instinct. These instincts are God given and necessary for life, but in me I can never get enough of what it is I think I need. The great psychiatrist Sigmund Freud defines an instinct as, "a bodily need manifested in our thought process.".
Through the twelve steps I have learned that alcohol is but a symptom of our true malady - our true malady being self-centered fear. We are afraid that we are not going to get what we want and that we are going to lose what we have. Once our fear is triggered we reach for our character defects in an attempt to satiate our instincts, but we can never get enough of what it is we think we need. We are then left running around, chasing our tails, creating havoc in our lives but, more importantly, havoc in the lives of everyone around us. This malady of self-centered fear is the functioning piece of alcoholism and any other ism.
The solution to the disease of addiction is a vital spiritual experience. We must give life to our relationship with God. How? By letting go of our human nature so our thought process is no longer propelled by our instincts, but rather by the will of God through inspiration,
Written by Armand
When I first came into AA, an old-timer asked me if I knew the source of my fear. Of course, I had no idea. My fear, that corrosive thread that ran through every area of my existence, had causes that were actually unknown to me. For certain, however, my alcohol abuse was a response to that unknown fear. The program of recovery has uncovered a kind of spiritual DNA revealing the exact nature of my true malady - my spirit was blocked. As a result I was locked out of my own life, and I was willing to go to any length to recover myself. But Fear blocked that path. Only by incorporating The Twelve Steps into my life until they became the basis for my life was I able to function as the person I was born to be. The fear that had annihilated everything worthwhile in my life has been abated and replaced by Trust. That Trust is the result of a personal relationship with The Power Within me. That relationship is the functioning piece of my peace.
ReplyDeleteMichael loved when you wrote "my alcohol abuse was a response to that unknown fear." A simple and accurate depiction of the disease of Alcoholism....Thanks...Armand
ReplyDeleteAlcoholism is a complex illness that tells me different things that tied together give me a perception of the world from a self centered fearful place and the perception has to be changed back into reality. God does this when I work the steps and share with another human being and with God. The wavy lines of interference get straightened out and a clear picture emerges that gives me something positive and spiritual to work with from the confusion. The book tells us that there is a solution and to pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at our feet. When I do that a hostile world changes into a world of opportunity and grace.
ReplyDeleteAnne thank you so much for sharing your experience...Armand
Deletethis comment Is From A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic
ReplyDeleteI've lived out that hyper exaggerated delusional belief in my own importance. I justified every unrestrained journey into my God given appetites with unholy zeal. I deliberately left God out of the equation. I was a hollow, walking, talking bottomless layer of gilt and shame terrified by the ever-present fear of having my true self discovered and inner "daemons" exposed. There was... no good in me to be found. To be honest, there was no me at all. Just a self created caricature, a mere bundle of personas alternately exercised to gain acceptance and ultimate possession of the person, place or thing I craved.
Yet, the effects of God's presence were everywhere and all about me. In overheard conversations, the random kindness of a stranger, witnessed displays of true love and affection, a baby's furtive glance. That, was the life I craved in fleeting moments of sanity.
It was the impossible desire of becoming a part of that world that finally drove me to my knees and the Ultimate Author of that vision. I finally began to apprehend the radical change encountered in "How it Works." I asked for His protection and care with complete abandon and as I laid that wretched life before Him, all the accumulated gilt and shame of 37 years fled into infinity... And miraculously, in its place, in this heart of a still very imperfect man, now resides the very Holy Spirit of God. The memory of that first encounter is as fresh in my mind as it was some 30 years ago. Today, I'm strangely thankful I discovered alcohol and the inevitable misery it brings. Without it, I would never have walked through the doors and into the fellowship of AA. I would have never encountered the Steps that lead to the "Peace of God that surpasses all understanding." (Philippians 4:7) I would never have come to know my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. And, my beloved brother, neither would you.
A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic