Forming and Sustaining Relationships

         

        The chapter on the fourth step in Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions describes our dysfunctional relations well: "But it is from our twisted relations with family, friends, and society at large that many of us have suffered the most. We have been especially stupid and stubborn about them. The primary fact that we failed to recognize is our total inability to form a true partnership with another human being."

          I went through my entire life unable to interact with others on an intimate level. I was incapable of allowing others to experience me as I truly was and I was unwilling to allow others to share with me their own true self.  I would present to the world what I thought the world needed to see about me so I could feel good and safe about myself.  In the past, the relationships I did have were of the type which, when I was done taking that which I wanted from them and them from me, the relationship was over.  I was incapable of FORMING AND SUSTAINING RELATIONSHIPS in an honest and caring way with other human beings.

          The greatest gift I have received from developing a personal relationship with God is the ability to interact with other human beings at an honest and true level - therefore forming and sustaining relationships that are caring and loving, loyal and trust-giving. My landing on such soil from which these relations sprout was done simply, but not easily, by going through the twelve steps of the program of AA. This can occur for any who return to the being God created and meant for them to be. When this does occur, human potential is maximized and becoming a recovered, unbroken being is completely possible.

Written by Armand
Edited by Caitlin Alexandra

To Know Peace

          

     Chapter 4 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous states, "...we had to fearlessly face the proposition that God is everything or else He is nothing. God either is, or He isn't. What was our choice to be?"  When I came to the very point in my recovery where I had no desire to turn back to my old life but letting go of my nature was viciously frightening this question laid uncomfortably unanswered before me.  Prior to this juncture in my journeys I may have answered affirmatively yet it wasn't until that precise moment in which I fully understood what was being asked of me - or rather, what was required of me to move onward and upward.

           If any of us are to recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body we must: be free of  manifesting our human defects in our behavior; live a life in which we exude tolerance and love of all; never be accepting of evil; live free from fear, anxiety and anger; be open to respect and love; posses the spirits of charity, forgiveness and  joy. We must answer the question without heed to our human intellect - our nature telling us what we ought to do because we think we need to - but by opening ourselves to the presence of God and what he has planned. Joy is, indeed, the actual presence of God.  Joy is no longer the absence of sorrow but His love laying constantly restive on our hearts.

        When I answered, "God is everything" I, for the first time in my entire life, had become fully alive. The Spirit was awakened within me. It was in my heart and my soul, it drove through my mind with grace and swirled through my conscious like a cleansing river. I became and I am the human being that God created me to be, maximizing my human potential, free of conflict, and at peace.

           I was and I am aware of what is required of me and I have answered, "Yes, God is everything." What will your answer be?

Written by Armand

Edited by Caitlin Alexandra

The Resentment Prayer

          While assembling my 4th step resentment list I found that the best way to cope with the resentments was to first pray for and forgive those that were on my list.  In the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous in the chapter "How It Works" it states, "...we realize that the people who had wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick.  Though we did not like their symptoms and the way they disturbed us they, like ourselves, were sick too.  We ask God to help us grant  them the same tolerance, pity and patience we would grant a sick friend.  When a person offended we said to ourselves, 'Perhaps this is a sick person, how can I be helpful to them? God save me from being angry, Thy will be done.' God will show us how to take a kind and tolerant view of each and everyone."  As I drew closer to God this began to happen naturally, as it can as well for you.

         As an alcoholic I do find that resentment is the number one malfeasance to a serene and peaceful life. If we are to have a clear state of consciousness that is free of conflict; if we are to lead an addiction-free life - a life in which resentment doesn't cause such conflict in our mind then manifest in our behavior - then we must let go of all of our human resentments.  There is often no way possible to do this without the aid of the Highest Power.

Written by Armand
Edited by Caitlin Alexandra

A Unique Disease

       Alcoholism is a unique disease in that it is a two-fold malady. There is the physical allergy that ensures each and every time we put alcohol into our system we'll get sick, drunk, and into all kinds of trouble.  But more paramount - we have a mental obsession that ensures, even though we don't want to drink, sooner or later our mind will tell us it's okay to pick up the intoxicating substance, triggering the physical allergy. We will surely get drunk again.

        Dr. Silkworth, the chief medical benefactor of AA suggests that the thought process of the mind has to be transformed.  The thought process of the mind of an alcoholic must have a psychic change. This change is essential and must be complete.  As Dr. Silkworth stated, "... once a psychic change has occurred the very same person who seemed doomed, who had so many problems they despaired of ever solving them, is easily able to control their desire for alcohol, the only effort necessary being that required to follow a few simple rules."

       The transformation of thought that is necessary to recover from a seemingly hopeless state of both mind and body occurs through the grace of God. This Grace can and will be received through the practice of the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.

        Having admitted complete defeat; having admitted to our innermost selves that we are alcoholic; understanding that our human power could not overcome our alcoholism; having begun to trust in God as a solution to our problems we arrive at Step Three, "... decided to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God." Our will is our thoughts and our lives are our behaviors as we think before we act.  We turn over our thoughts and in doing so, behavior follows suit.

         We pray, "God, I offer myself to Thee, to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do thy will. Take away my difficulties so that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy power, Thy love and Thy way of life.  May I do Thy will always."

        This unique disease cannot be remedied using that which causes it - self-centeredness and fear. Turning our broken, scarred selves over to a much Higher and Mightier power is the simple solution to this bewildering and unique disease.

Written by Armand

Edited by Caitlin Alexandra 

Giving

         

At first, I had no idea that to possess the qualities that many of the members of Alcoholics Anonymous had took a degree of humility - a characteristic I had not a scrap of. I was extremely prideful, but I began longing for this trait of humility as I made my way through the program.
          In the book Alcoholics Anonymous Comes Of Age, in the historic visit to Bill W. from his boarding school pal Ebby T. (a man nearly committed for alcoholic insanity), Ebby outlined the precepts of the Oxford Group. One of the precepts applies to this notion of humility. Practicing the giving of oneself to another is a true act of humility. Ebby told Bill W. to practice giving, as in, the giving of himself to somebody.
          Personally I have learned that it is true humility which unlocks the door to the grace of God.  In order to grow in humility I must begin to let go of my selfish desires and begin to have a faith in God. This eventually blossoms into a complete trust in God. Trust in God was difficult initially, as through the entire course of my life I had used my instincts and my intellect to propel me through. But, when I was faced with a self-imposed crisis that I could not overcome with my human power, I had to rely on a higher power.
          As the Big Book states, "We trust in infinite God rather than finite self." Today, in this day and in this time, I trust in God. The development of this trust in God leads to a caring of others that was impossible for me before.  An alcoholic who is humble enough to trust in God knows that the GIVING of self to the helping of others is a crucial tool of recovery.

Written by Armand
Edited by Caitlin Alexandra

Inspiration

        In the chapter "Into Action" in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous it is written,

"In thinking about our day we may face indecision. We may not be able to determine which course to take. Here we ask God for INSPIRATION, an intuitive thought or decision. We relax and take it easy. We don't struggle.  We are often surprised how the right answers come after we have tried this for a while.       

What used to be the hunch or the occasional INSPIRATION gradually becomes a working part of the mind. Being still inexperienced and having just made conscious contact with God, it is not probable that we are going to be inspired at all times. We might pay for this presumption in all sorts of absurd actions and ideas. Nevertheless, we find that our thinking will, as time passes, be more and more on the plane of INSPIRATION. We come to rely upon it."

        

        It is in conscious contact with God that INSPIRATION may be received.  It is where a recovered alcoholic lives.

        INSPIRATION is defined in the dictionary as, "the thoughts of God implanted in the mind and soul of man."  When the thoughts of God are received in our souls we don't need to run them by our intellect, as we know immediately that they are the Truth. The question becomes, has our human nature surrendered to the will of God in this moment so that we are capable of receiving God's thoughts OR are our thought processes propelled by our human instinct?  A recovered alcoholic lives in and through INSPIRATION as their thought process is propelled by the will of God.

Written by Armand

Edited by Caitlin Alexandra

Am I Entirely Ready?

          The Sixth Step of Alcoholics Anonymous is, "Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character." The original draft of the Big Book used the word "willing" instead of the words "entirely ready".  I found it helpful to incorporate both into my Sixth Step so that I had the willingness to be entirely ready.

         

          As an alcoholic, giving up control is awkward and strenuous - I would rather apply some sort of cognitive therapy or behavioral modification to control my defects.  But those methods are like applying band-aids to a festering infection, they don't do anything.  Control of defects is not the snag, but rather that our human defects are not to exist in our behavior, as it is our defects that are keeping us from the perfection that God seeks in us.  God seeks for us to be the human being that He created us to be, thereby able to maximize our human potential.

         

          When we are in the will of God our human character defects, which exist only in our human nature, cannot possibly manifest themselves in our behavior.

       

          Yes, I am willing to be entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

Written by Armand
Edited by Caitlin Alexandra

A 5th Step Story

          After sharing the fifth step with myself and another human being, after exhibiting a sense of humility, after acquiring a clarity of mind and a sense of peace I braced myself for the final piece of the step - to admit to God the exact nature of my wrongs. I met my sponsor outside a small chapel on a day just like any other, I thought ... until he swung open the chapel doors. I looked down the center isle to the alter and became immediately aware of the quietness and state of holiness that existed. I froze and swallowed hard, realizing that the next few moments were going to be as profound as any other in all of my life. In that time, that place, and in that moment I was to seek the forgiveness of God for all I had done wrong in the past. Together, my sponsor and I slowly knelt down and he prayed for us in a way that only he would do.  When he was finished I shared the exact nature of my wrongs with God - I had then completed the fifth step.
       
        Since then I have participated in many fifth steps with alcoholics and addicts that I have read the Big Book with. It is altogether a very humbling experience to be a part of - making me feel the utmost of helpful as a human being and supplying a sense of wholeness to lives. Once I did a fifth step with someone and as we were leaving the Church he said, "I know that for centuries people like you have helped people like me do exactly what we did today... but today was the day that I had the opportunity to be a part of it."
       
       Yes, it is a remarkable experience to feel the nearness of God and to share that with another. It is an experience that is not meant to be missed. It is a complete cleansing of the past and, in turn, a receiving of the gift of forgiveness and a clean slate - all built upon a new relationship with God.

Written by Armand
Edited by Caitlin Alexandra

Humility as a Recovery Tool

       The basis of all 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous is humility, the spirit of which is necessary in keeping our egos deflated. Admitting to our innermost self that we are alcoholic, learning to trust in God, and making a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God are all steps on the road to humility.  In the Fourth Step, identifying who we are and acceptance of what that means is both ego-deflating and humbling.  As for myself, the most paramount of steps in which I accepted humility was the 5th Step, during which I shared my 4th Step - the deepest, darkest side of myself - with myself, God and another human being.

          In the 7th Step we offer all of ourselves, the good and the bad, to God - to do with us as He would do so that our human character defects do not manifest themselves in our behavior.  Another step in which humility occurs is the 9th Step,as we go out and make our amends, reconciling the wrongs we have done in the past. And finally the 11th Step, in which recovered alcoholics reside, praying only for the knowledge of God's will and the power to carry that out. All of these steps can only be performed and will only be successfully taken with a humbled spirit.

          Humility unlocks the door to the Grace of God. Only through such a humbled spirit may we recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body - making humility absolutely necessary.

Written by Armand
Edited by Caitlin Alexandra