The Eleventh Step is the lifeline for the alcoholic.
"Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact
with God as we understood Him, praying only for the knowledge of His
will for us and the power to carry it out." Prayer and meditation were not something I initially incorporated into my practices of the program
of Alcoholics Anonymous. Why? I don't really know. The only
answer that I can come up with is that at some level I was still
defiant, egotistical and lacked the humility necessary to pray and
meditate daily. I was talking the talk but not walking the walk. I had
worked the previous steps well and certainly to the best of my
ability. I was excited by the program of AA and all the promise it held
for me but I have learned through experience that the human nature is a
strong foe, unwilling to pray and meditate daily to
improve on a conscious contact with God. I had taken many people through
the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. I had read the first 164
pages of the Big Book hundreds of times and attended so many meetings
that I can't begin to guess how many. But prayer and meditation at the
level necessary to perceive and do God's will, well that was not in my
thoughts and therefore, not on my agenda.
Then one day, after a decade of
sobriety, I came home from the gym and stepped out of the car
experiencing such sever pain that I fell to the ground. I was unable to move
for what seemed like such a long time but in reality was only a minute or
so. I had suffered from back problems most of my adult life but I had
never experienced such severe pain. The subsequent M.R.I. disclosed
seven herniated discs, an arthritic spine, spinal stenosis, degenerative
vertebrae and a degenerated left hip. This left me unable
to function. I spent the next twelve months of my life incapacitated,
ten months of which I was unable to sit as I had to stand or lay. The
medical community offered me a solution of surgery with a 15% chance of
some improvement, heavy blood loss and five to six hours on the
operating table. The surgeon said that the surgery was so difficult
that he would only encourage it if I could no longer tolerate the pain.
I was directed to a kind and loving doctor who has the
ability to identify emotional blocks that prevent healing. After
some months of treatment and with some improvement he said to me as I was
lying on the table, "I am picking up energy of a resentful nature." As
soon as he said this I instantly and clearly identified my mom, my dad,
and my sister - all of whom I had made amends to and prayed to forgive but
at some level deep down inside the cells of my body I was unable to
bring about the healing needed to release this resentful energy.
When I returned home I immediately began to pray and
meditate and did so on a daily basis as I was unable to function, in
severe pain and incapable of complete forgiveness for my family. After
several days I experienced a forgiveness for my family emanating from
deep within. This experience of forgiveness, through the grace of God, was brought about by the daily practice of prayer and meditation. On the 14th of June in the year 2001, while meditating, I knew for the
first time in my life that my life was worth something. I had never had
that feeling before. At the age of 54, after 11 years of sobriety, I
had self esteem. My prayer for you is that if you haven't already you will incorporate daily prayer and meditation into your life.
I know that prayer and meditation provide miraculous change, and it is tribute to the experienced wisdom of the founders of AA that the power of prayer and meditation are signified in the Eleventh Step - following completion of the first Ten. It is my belief that The Steps of AA preceding the Eleventh, if done in the order and manner "suggested," will enable the recoverer to achieve the state of mind needed to pray and meditate in peace and in touch with the Divine Power Within. The Big Book assures us that, over time, the benefits of the daily duo will yield clarity, simplicity and inspiration - the thoughts of God implanted into the mind and soul of man. I know that I was born to know and love myself and to extend myself to others. AA is the touchstone for my being able to locate the only path that leads to that place within me. Prayer and meditation enable me to know myself and to know nothing at the same time. That somehow awakens my spirit to live and love.
ReplyDeleteMichael The program of Alcoholics Anonymous states in Step 11 "sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God." This contact in the present allows us to tap into a wisdom that we are incapable of in our human nature...Thank You...Armand
ReplyDeleteMy Alcoholism is proven to be a symptom of myself. When I was able and willing to take a real honest appraisal of self, I asked to be forgiven. As my mind began to clear from the alcoholic fog that I lived in. I was willing to be taught, willing to listen. Willing to admit and accept that my natural human mind had become warped and in a state of degeneration . There I was full of self centeredness and consumed by fear. Being exposed to the 12 steps and the realization that I had been beaten down to a state of reasonability , there was only one way to go . Experiencing these steps put me on a journey, to head to a place in life that had a need to become whole. Mentally, physically, and spiritually. It's in the eleventh step where I may live, praying only for the knowledge of God's Will and the power to carry it out, there my spirit becomes full of the Holy Spirit. My defects that I have become aware of May now be turned from so sin doesn't manifest in my mind, and can be replaced with The Will of God , His Will, not mine be done.
ReplyDeleteSin can be defined as the absence of God in my life. Through prayer and meditation I am able to sustain a relationship with an all loving, all just , alll seeing, and all universal knowing God as he is understood . He sustains us with His Grace . Only if we are willing to accept .
Don Thank you for sharing your personal experience. The Eleventh Step is the fruit of the effort of the first ten Steps if we are willing to pray and meditate. It is through the prayer and meditation that our relationship with God is brought into the present moment...Thanks...Armand
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