Alcoholics Anonymous, what a ride! Early on I heard "I wouldn't
trade my worst day in AA for my best day when I was out there." I was
skeptical of these proclamations, but the sincerity of those members' claims could not be
questioned, as those people were just like me in that they suffered
from an illness (yet they no longer had the struggle). More importantly
they seemed to be living enjoyable and fulfilling lives. I discovered the similar characteristics of openness and a willingness to give among many of them as they seemed to have found a
purpose beyond themselves in Alcoholics Anonymous and needed to disclose
the full truth of themselves in order to grow in their purpose. Now please understand, all of
the above was difficult for me to accept because I came from an
environment and a lifestyle where cynicism and skepticism were king and
queen. The only purpose I had in life was to satiate my
instincts and my own selfish desires.
I learned
in Alcoholics Anonymous that alcohol is only a symptom of my true
malady - self centered fear: afraid that I am not
going to get what I want, afraid that I am going to lose what I have.
This fear propels us in our efforts to satiate our instincts and to
provide for and meet the demands of our own selfish desires. Integrating the program of
Alcoholics Anonymous into our lives in such a way that it becomes our
life takes us out of ourselves thence we are given the power to
help others. That we become capable of putting others' needs before our
own is a direct result of the healing that occurs for us - this is a miracle. We know when we have extracted a purpose (helping
others who are just like us to recover from their alcoholism) from our problem we are indeed fulfilling A PURPOSE BEYOND OURSELVES.
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ReplyDeleteWe have but only this day, the memories of what was, and the hope for what is to come. There is a certain doubt I found in the simplicity of the program - the seemingly innoxious "one day at a time" motto. I now know that the loneliness and the fear that engulfed my mind and heart were not only of my own making but of my disease's. It can be made so difficult BY our minds to see BEYOND what our minds let us see. We have to reach into the farthest and deepest pieces of our souls, to our inner most spirit, to see the Truth - that we are never alone; that the mess we have made can be swept away with a certain level of fragile disclosure and only be left as a memory to remind us of what we tried to fight, and how we so dreadfully lost; that with prayer and the strength we will see the Divine within and around instead of just "above"; that without giving life to cynical doubt, born only in and through our thoughts, we can be led away from the darkness of destruction and through open doors with such blasting Lights...and love. Do not be afraid to let go of yourself - as long as it is to the Higher Power waiting for you. Your relinquishment of fear, and every knotty emotion that stems from it, will lead you to live IN the light instead of just being cognizant of it from afar. If you get there, that is home. At that point your home can be shared with others - others that are homeless in this way. Love to all, Caitlin.
ReplyDeleteCaitlin As Bill says "simple but not easy, it meant destruction of self centeredness,.we had to turn to the light in all things." The Twelve Steps of AA provides the track to lead us to a life where "we are praying only for the knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out." There peace lives.. Thank you for your comment and I encourage you to comment more often...Armand.
ReplyDeleteFear and self-centeredness were the deadly combination that formed the shaky base of my alcoholic life. I have no real idea of when, where or why fear overtook me but it did. Fear became the padlock that prevented me from entering my true self, thus denying me a personal relationship with The Power Within me which is the true me. A few thousand beers and vodkas later, I walked the stairs to my first AA meeting where fear was unquestionably not in the air. Many years later I now know that there is and has always been a purpose for my life: to live it to its fullest by giving it away. Prior to fully understanding and incorporating The Twelve Steps into my life, I had nothing to give. My "legacy" was nothing and my existence was empty. Today I'm worth something. The cleaned up past of my alcoholic darkness is pure gold. In its truest sense, I have become a gold digger whose purpose is to give freely of all that is me. I believe that this process is miraculous and available to all. The sooner the better.
ReplyDeleteMichael Alcohol is but a symptom of our true problem. Our true problem is self centered fear and when extinguished through the grace of God delivered to us by incorporating the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous we are propelled into a life of service and love. This live becomes our purpose...Thank you...Armand
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