Thereafter having admitted that I was alcoholic I soon
found out that alcohol in and of itself was not my problem, but was the manifestation of my problem. The true problem was self-centered
fear - afraid that I was not going to get what I wanted and afraid that I
was going to lose what I had.
In the Big Book of
Alcoholics Anonymous it says that, "When dealing with the fear problem,
or any other problem, perhaps there is a better way as we are now on a
different basis, the basis of trusting and relying upon God. We trust
infinite God rather than finite self. We are in the world to play the
role God assigns. Just to the extent we do as we think God would have
us do and humbly rely on God, does God enable us to match calamity with
serenity. We never apologize to anyone for depending on our creator. We can laugh at those who think spirituality is the way of weakness. The verdict of the ages is that faith means courage. All possessors of
faith have courage. They trust their God. We let God demonstrate
through us what God can do. We ask God to remove our fear and direct
our attention to what we should be doing. At once, we commence to
outgrow fear."
The integration of the Twelve Steps
of Alcoholics Anonymous into my life led to a personal relationship
with God. Prior to that occurring, fear haunted all of my being, was in all of my moments,
driving all of my decisions in an attempt to satiate my instincts. I
was afraid that I was not going to get what I wanted and afraid that I was
going to lose what I had. Today, in this moment, that can change. That will
change for all of us if we are in alignment with God's will for us and we will then know a peace we have never before experienced.
My disease is the ultimate distraction from a joy-filled life. While in the depths of my addiction and the unfulfilling stages of keeping dry, the disease of alcoholism took all of my attention and my capacity to function as a human away from me. Fear of the world around me, of being different, of losing whatever it was that got me through the day, and the ultimate fear of surrendering completely to that which would take my life all took my entire emotional and spiritual states to the breaking point. I had no hope. I had no relationship with God besides a begging, frantic one. While relying outside the Divine I stood in a mine, buried under my own fear and loneliness. My escape wasn't self-constructed or powered by my own will - my fear had taken over the core of both my ego and my spirit and I was powerless. My escape was a rescue. The Rescuer pulled me from the mine of which I thought would be my resting place and, through His grace and inspiration, I was led through the Twelve Steps. My vital transformation has been a path I still walk upon - even as I make mistakes along its way I am never knocked off, as long as I keep praying for strength to stay on. Who am I to deny this chance of a life in the Light? I am in His care. I want nothing more, nothing less than to stay in it...and to grow. Love to all, Caitlin
ReplyDeleteFear is described as the corrosive thread that runs through all we do. Being aware of that, I had nowhere to turn until, like you, I began to incorporate The Twelve Steps into my daily life. Throughout that process I learned that the thing I feared most was me. Other than that, there was nothing to fear. Conclusion: I had to change me. Not so easy until I awakened to the presence of The Divine Power Within me, the untapped Inner Resource. Through prayer and meditation, I can know His Will for me. But I must be fearless in carrying that Will out..That is the exact point where I have the greatest opportunity to be me. I must trust that my fear cannot impede His Will. That, I believe, gives me the only power I'll ever need.
ReplyDeleteCaitlin Alcohol is but a symptom of our true malady. Our true malady is self centered fear. The solution for the disease of Alcoholism is a vital spiritual experience, we must give life to our relationship with God. This is accomplished by living in the will of God infused by His inspiration. Thank you so much for your self revealing and beautiful comment...Armand
ReplyDeleteMichael Loved when you wrote "Through prayer and meditation, I can now know His will for me . But I must be fearless in carrying that will out." Obedience to the will of God is the difference between an alcoholic in recovery and a recovered alcoholic...Thank you for showing us...Armand
ReplyDeleteCaged inside myself, I'm locked down with self centered fear. Prayer and meditation allows me to truly see the path of light, This Light is the way to God's purpose for me . I can live outside myself by serving my fellow mankind . Here I am Lord, all of me , good and bad. The duality of life. Being blessed to admit my wrongs and seek His Grace. By serving. I am an Alcoholic who has found a solution, this must be shared at all cost. I fight for my fellows recoveries and rewarded by the comfort of the fellows who came before me, and engages in fellowship with me! Thank you to all who reply to such important messages delivered in this Informative , inspirational blog . Peace, Love, and Happiness ! God Bless !
ReplyDeleteDon You wrote of prayer and meditation. The front part of the Eleventh Step says "sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God." Conscious contact is a relationship with God in this moment and in so doing we will be in touch with the will of God. If I am obedient to His will for me the fear of my human nature will have no effect on our emotional state or on my behavior in this moment allowing us to live a life of peace...Thank you for commenting Don as your thoughts were missed...Armand
ReplyDelete