You know the day I stood in the parking lot drunk such a long time
ago and the fortunate event that occurred as I bumped into the only
person I knew who was in A A, the kindness he showed me by speaking with
me and by taking me to my first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting that
night. There I raised my hand and said "my name is Armand and I am an
alcoholic." Some seven years passed from that first night until I could
admit complete defeat. The intervening years produced some difficulty
in my life as a direct result of alcohol. But fortunately I did survive
and those seven years produced a bottom that I could push up from.
Since that time I have been blessed with a passion for
the program of Alcoholics Anonymous which has given me a life, a real
life and I know that in order to keep it I must give it away. In the
Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous it says "the entire load must be given
away." It also states "our very lives as ex problem drinkers depends
upon our constant thought of others." In the rooms when I see a
newcomer or if it is someones first time to our home group I will walk
up to them, shake their hand and introduce myself. When anyone in AA
asks for help of any kind but generally by them asking me to take them
through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous by reading the Big Book
together, I say "yes" as perhaps this is the day they receive their
KERNEL of faith as I once did when I was blessed by kindness. Through A
KERNEL of faith maybe, just maybe they will be on their way to recovery
from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body.
I had to get un-drunk before I could feel anything. It wasn't long before I sensed something inside me which I now know was the kernel. On many days, it provided the only sense of strength and truth I could locate. By learning The Twelve Steps and incorporating them into my life, the kernel began to grow into what I now know is the unmistakeable love of The Power Within. The kernel, I found, is limitless as long as I give as much of it away as I can. It grows by being given away. When all is said and done, the kernel is the center of me, the seed for my usefulness to others and subsequent happiness. It is the source of the knowledge of His Will for me and the Power to carry it out.
ReplyDeleteMichael If an alcoholic is recovered than that alcoholic is in the will of God. For that to occur - a recovered alcoholic is propelled into the service of others. Obviously one has to begin and for us the beginning is a kernel of faith...Thanks so much...Armand
ReplyDeleteI came into the rooms of AA unwillingly. I attended meetings every day unwillingly. Looking back at that period of time I think God was carrying me through the first and necessary part of getting sober. I had faith in very little because I hadn't faith in myself. It wasn't until I heard a man (who would be my sponsor) share in a meeting about the embracing divinity of the program and a "vital transformation" that my heart opened and the mindset I carried began to collapse. This was my kernel - a moment in which I listened to someone that had once suffered and now thrived; with the same "spiritual malady" but the solution to becoming recovered from it's heartbreaking battles. From the ashes my heart began to plant seeds of patience and kindness. I am ever grateful for my kernel. I am ever grateful for the love God sends through human vessels (such as sponsor or comrade). I am ever grateful for YOU who reads this and takes in the splendor of what I write - because what I write is always a token of hope. I have survived and so will you if you trust in Him. Love to all, Caitlin
ReplyDeleteCaitlin In AA a kernel of faith is generally referred to as a seed of faith as in a small bit of or the beginning of faith but kernel is also defined as "the most material and central part." As we pass these kernels on it is incumbent on us that are faith be absolute so that what we transfer to others has power...Is that two in a row?...Thank you...Armand
ReplyDeleteMany seeds were planted since I have come into this world.
ReplyDeleteI can honestly look back at my life and be able to recognize them.
They have been scattered over a large piece of ground , the years have past , some had taken root and others fell upon the hardened soil that my heart was turning into due to my own self centered fear. Life at times became so stormy that certain seeds were washed away. In my human nature the process of nurturing of these seeds or kernels seemed impossible to bear. Improper steerage through these storms depleated me of the God given skills to till , and replant. The fertilizer of my youth that had been spread by good parents was replaced by my rocky teenaged years. The broken farming equipment of bad decisions didn't serve me well in the fields of life , as an alcoholic irrigation system
Failed to provide the proper hydration for the growth of the crops.
After much loss and damage, this old crop duster became willing to allow a Power greater than myself to oversee this farm and today I'm now able to see these crops of hope blossom into fields of Grace. Even though they were to tiny seeds, the trees become strong and tall when I'm willing to
Accept that I'm powerless over stormy times. That The True Rainmaker will allow the seeds to grow . Then the Harvests may be abundant in fruit !
Don "let go and let God" is what I received from your experience with your human nature and your experience with God. I knew this would be fertile ground for you...Fantastic...Armand
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