Am I Entirely Ready

                 The Sixth Step of Alcoholics Anonymous is "were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character."  The original draft used the word "willing" instead of entirely ready.  I found it helpful to incorporate both in my Sixth Step so that I have the willingness to be entirely ready.
                 As an alcoholic it is difficult for me to give up control, as I want to apply some sort of cognitive therapy or behavioral modification in an effort to control my defects.  For me this is like applying a band aid to a festering infection.  Control of our defects is not the issue but rather that these human defects are not to exist in our behavior, as it is our defects that are keeping us from the perfection that God seeks in us which is to be the human being that God created us to be, thereby maximizing our human potential. 
                 When we are in the will of God our human character defects which exist in our nature cannot possibly manifest themselves in our behavior.
                 Yes I am willing to be entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. 

A Fifth Step Story

                 Having shared the Fifth Step with myself and another human being, having exhibited a sense of humility, having acquired a clarity of mind and a sense of peace I was emboldened to complete the final piece of the Fifth Step.  That is to admit to God the exact nature of my wrongs.  I met my sponsor at a small chapel and initially I was fine until he swung open the doors to the chapel and I looked down the center isle to the alter.  I became immediately aware of the quiet and the state of holiness about.  I froze for a moment and swallowed hard.  I fully realized that in the next few moments I would experience the most profound event I had ever participated in.  In this time and in this moment I was to seek the forgiveness of God for all I had done wrong in the past.  We slowly knelt down and my sponsor prayed in the way that only he can and when he was done praying I shared the exact nature of my wrongs with God.  I had completed the Fifth Step.
                 Since then I have participated in many Fifth Steps with people that I have read the Big Book with and it is such a humbling experience to be a part of.  It is when I feel the most helpful as a human being and the most complete.  Recently I did a Fifth Step with someone and as we were leaving the Church he said "I know that for centuries people like you have helped people like me do what we did today, but today was the day that I had the opportunity to participate in it."
                Yes it is a special experience to feel the nearness of God and to share that with another.  It is an experience that is not meant to be missed.  A complete cleansing of the past, a sense of forgiveness and a clean slate of life coupled with a new relationship with God.

Humility As A Recovery Tool

                 The basis of all the AA Steps is humility and the spirit of humility is necessary as our egos must be deflated.  Certainly admitting to our innermost self that we are alcoholic, learning to trust in God and making a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God were all steps on the road to humility.  In the Fourth Step, identifying who we are and acceptance of that certainly was ego deflating and humbling.  But for me, the biggest step in accepting humility, although not the last , was the Fifth Step where I share my Fourth Step list, the deepest darkest side of myself with myself, God and another human being.  In the Seventh Step we are offering all of ourselves, the good and the bad, to God to do with us as God would have us do so that our human character defects will not manifest themselves in our behavior.  Another step in humility occurs as we go out and make our amends reconciling the wrongs we have done in the past.  And finally the Eleventh Step, where a recovered alcoholic resides, as we are praying only for the knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out, can only be manifested in a humble spirit.
                  It is humility which unlocks the door to the grace of God and only through a humble spirit may we recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body.  Humility is necessary.   

Admit And Accept

                 In the Step Book it says and this is paraphrased, a continuous look back at our liabilities and a real desire to grow by this means are necessities for us.  We alcoholics have learned this the hard way.  More experienced people of course, in all times and places, have practiced unsparing self survey and criticism.  For the wise have always known that no one can make much of one's life until self searching becomes a regular habit, until one is able to ADMIT AND ACCEPT what is found. 
                Through my daily inventory I can now admit and accept that my character defects are a part of my human nature, a part of my nature that cannot manifest itself if I am living in the will of God.  I have come to understand that my human nature is defected and I must accept this about myself.
                In the program of Alcoholics Anonymous it is often said "let go and let God."  The let go is turning from the incessant prompts of our human nature and the let God is living in and thereby manifesting the will of God.  In the will of God, the nature of God, our character defects cannot be manifested in our behavior and it is here that our nature has been perfected as we have become the human being that God created us to be.
               Self survey is a powerful tool of recovery.  

The Eigth Step - Another Chance To Pray For And To Forgive

                 In the Fourth Step as I began working with the four column inventory of my resentments, fears and sexual conduct, my sponsor suggested that I begin to pray for and to forgive all those on my lists.  In the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous there is a prayer for each of these lists, three prayers in total.
                 The Eighth Step  "made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all"  is ANOTHER CHANCE TO PRAY FOR AND TO FORGIVE all those on my lists and to begin doing the same with new situations which may arise.  We are already in possession of an Eighth Step list extracted from our Fourth Step inventory.  As we begin to pray for and to forgive all I am making a beginning on Steps Eleven and Twelve.
                  Prayer and forgiveness are essential tools if we are to recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body  We learned in the Fourth Step that resentments toward others is the number one offender to a relationship with God, as we are called to love all, although we are never to be accepting of evil.
                The Eighth Step provides for us ANOTHER CHANCE TO PRAY FOR AND TO FORGIVE all those on our lists which is necessary to bring the Spirit to our Ninth Step amends,      

The Folly Of Control

                The literature of Alcoholics Anonymous says "as alcoholics our egomania digs two disastrous pitfalls, either we insist on dominating people or we depend upon them for to much.  If we lean to much on people they will sooner or later fail us, for they are human to and cannot possibly meet our incessant demands.  In this way our insecurity festers and grows.  When we habitually try to manipulate others to our own willful desires they revolt and resist us heavily.  Then we develop hurt feelings, a sense of persecution, a sense to retaliate.  As we redouble our efforts at control and continue to fail, our suffering becomes acute and constant.  We have not sought to be one in a family, to be a friend among friends, to be a worker among workers, to be a successful member of society.  Always we tried to struggle to the top of the heap or to hide underneath it.  This self centered behavior blocked a partnership relation with anyone of those about us.  Of true brotherhood we had small comprehension."
                It is in the letting go of self and trusting in God that allows us to accept others as they are and allows us to relinquish control.  The greatest gift I have received from the program of A.A. is to have true and honest relations with those around me.  We can learn how to interact with others through our interaction with God in the Eleventh Step.  We can learn how to love and how to allow ourselves to be loved   We can learn not to interact with other peoples personalities which we can like or dislike, but rather to interact with that part of them that is good, that is God.
              It is in the letting go of self and in the trusting in God that allows us to accept others as they are  and ourselves as we are.  This allows us not only to relinquish control but to have no need or desire to control.

                

The Purpose Of Step Four

In the Third Step we made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God.  The Fourth Step is the next step in the process, the purpose of which is to find out what is it about me that is keeping the grace of God from my life.  It is through the grace of God that the healing occurs.
 Many spiritual traditions include a deep and thorough look at the past to discover the truth of what is uncovered.  Alcoholics Anonymous is no different.
As we work through the Fourth Step we may be getting the sense that the completed program of Alcoholics Anonymous will allow us possibly for the first time to be living our lives as God originally intended us to, free of the manifestation in our behavior of resentment, fear and anxiety.  We will then become the human beings God created us to be and we will maximize our human potential, as the manifestation of our human nature is perfected in the will of God.