The Fourth Step is the beginning of a process in which we list our resentments, fears and sexual conduct on a four column inventory to determine the exact nature of our wrongs. Step Five is, "admitted to God to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. In many great spiritual traditions a deep introspective period is necessary and Alcoholics Anonymous is no different. The purpose of which is to discover within ourselves what it is about ourselves that is keeping the grace of God from our lives. Then a confession, our Fifth Step, for a sense of relief from the shame and guilt is common. If we are to overcome our alcoholism, a review and admission of our defects is necessary.The chapter Into Action in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous states, "we shall be more reconciled with discussing ourselves with another person when we see why we should do so. The best reason first. Time after time newcomers have tried to keep to themselves certain facts about their lives. Trying to avoid the humbling experience, they tried easier methods. Almost invariably they got drunk. Having persevered with the rest of the program, they wondered why they fell. We think the reason is they never completed their housecleaning. They took inventory alright but held onto the worst items in stock. They only thought they had lost their egoism, they only thought they had humbled themselves in the sense we find it necessary until they had told someone all their life story."
All the steps of AA are humbling but none more so than the Fourth and Fifth Steps. To tell someone the deepest, darkest side of ourselves is a very humbling experience. Along with it comes a sense of relief. For maybe the first time in our lives we are free of the shame and guilt that we have carried within ourselves for years. There is a sense of serenity. The Step Book of Alcoholics Anonymous says, "when HUMILITY is combined with SERENITY a great moment is apt to occur," and for me it was the presence of God in my life for the first time since I was a little boy.
If we are willing to do a complete Fourth Step as outlined in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous followed by a complete and honest Fifth Step, HUMILITY will intersect with SERENITY and we will know a peace that we have never before experienced.
Written by Armand
My will was so pervasive and my arrogance so replete that I was convinced I could produce serenity through some form of human manipulation. As a result I would up in bondage, a self-policing slave to alcohol and to anything I viewed as a solution to the problem of me. In the program of recovery I learned that there are no shortcuts or quick fixes. I had to confront myself in Step Four, reveal myself in Step Five, and learn how to lead my life in the remaining Steps of the program of recovery. That, of course, meant total destruction of my ego and a replacement of my facade with a sense of purpose with which I could walk the earth a free man. Through that miraculous process, I have been granted my greatest gift - the desire and willingness to give myself away. It is in that experience that I am most effective and happiest. A far cry from the cry for "just one more."
ReplyDeleteMichael love when you wrote "total destruction of my ego and a replacement of my facade with a sense of purpose."...Thank you...Armand
DeleteFor me, humility does not come without self awareness, honesty and work. If left to my own devices, I naturally travel down the wrong path. I have taken dozens of self assessment tools in my career. None of those tools ever translated my specific fears and resentments. The 4th step inventory cut right through to the center of my issues and exposed my character defects than Myers Briggs or DISC could ever do. Why? Because I never had a sponsor sitting with me one on one translating what was happening to me. He did so for my own benefit exclusively. As far as honesty goes, I always remember what Jimmy G. used to tell us; it needs to be the truth, it needs to said with kindness and it needs to be said. Silence is often the best way to communicate than words can ever do. And finally you need to do the work as outlined in Steps 4,5,6,7,8 and 9. Following the program of AA as outlined by the first 100 members in the fellowship is crucial. My sponsor guided me and kept me accountable and on track. But like the sacrament of confession in my faith, it can't be a one and done effort. I need continual renewal and inspiration in Steps 10, 11 and 12. Meetings and the fellowship give me a way to stay sharp by sharing our experiences. I love you all. Happy Thanksgiving!!!
ReplyDeleteJim appreciate your appreciation of your sponsors care for you...Thank you...Armand
DeleteArmand,
ReplyDeleteAnything less than the "complete surrender" of our personhood, that is, the very seat of our intellect, emotions and spirit to the very Person of God as suggested in the 4th and 5th steps will prove to be an absolute exercise in futility. Our failure to do so serves clear notice that we are still under the delusion that we may yet somehow possess the leverage to negotiate the terms and conditions of our surrender, allowing us to carry on with our lives as though alcohol or any other substance abuse issue was our only problem and were it not for that "daemon rum" life would be just dandy. However, much like a marriage, the purpose of executing these steps in the presence of either an AA sponsor or other spiritual advisor is to have a temporal witness to this deeply spiritual transformation that brings about the birth of a new, eternal and sacred relationship between God, and in my case, man.
As long as this alcoholic entertained any thought or imagining that God wants me to climb back into the drivers seat and direct life's tour would easily come under the definition of insanity and the basic foundation of the mental meanderings of a megalomaniac. It reminds me of the bumper stickers I've seen that say "God is my Co-Pilot"... I want to run up to the driver and fervently encourage them to pry their fingers off the "wheel" and quickly swap seats. For although that type of thinking may provide a form of spiritual walk it completely lacks the internal Power of the Author and Finisher of our journey as we now mistakenly rely upon Him to accomplish our will with His power which He, in His loving mercy, will never allow. He will allow us to continue to experience the frustratingly painful consequences of a counterfeit journey until we finally surrender and place the keys of our lives into His perfectly capable hands. Simply put, This gratefully recovering alcoholic is incapable of personally generating one speck of the serenity spoken of in the Big Book. Never could, never will. But God can and will if He is sought.
Serenity, is a gift of God to all who "humble themselves and seek His face and turn from their wicked ways", For then His eyes shall be open and His ears attentive to the prayers of this place. And thus, He says, "I shall grant you a time of refreshment". That, my brother, is serenity.
A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic.
A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic sure does take time in AA to understand the power and pervasiveness of our human nature. As this occurs than we understand that we can't bring about the surrender which must be absolute and complete to live in peace in the will of God...Thank you...Armand
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