The chapter on the fourth step in Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions describes our dysfunctional relations well: "But it is from our twisted relations with family, friends, and society at large that many of us have suffered the most. We have been especially stupid and stubborn about them. The primary fact that we failed to recognize is our total inability to form a true partnership with another human being."
I went through my entire life unable to interact with others on an intimate level. I was incapable of allowing others to experience me as I truly was and I was unwilling to allow others to share with me their own true self. I would present to the world what I thought the world needed to see about me so I could feel good and safe about myself. In the past, the relationships I did have were of the type which, when I was done taking that which I wanted from them and them from me, the relationship was over. I was incapable of FORMING AND SUSTAINING RELATIONSHIPS in an honest and caring way with other human beings.
The greatest gift I have received from developing a personal relationship with God is the ability to interact with other human beings at an honest and true level - therefore forming and sustaining relationships that are caring and loving, loyal and trust-giving. My landing on such soil from which these relations sprout was done simply, but not easily, by going through the twelve steps of the program of AA. This can occur for any who return to the being God created and meant for them to be. When this does occur, human potential is maximized and becoming a recovered, unbroken being is completely possible.
As the product of a relationship with myself built on the twin killers of fear and pride, I was left to go through life with whatever faulty relationships my defective character would produce. That doesn't mean that I didn't love others or that they didn't love me. Instead, it meant that forming and sustaining a relationship of purity and purpose was impossible. In The Eighth Step I learned that defective relationships with others had nearly always been the immediate cause of my woes including my alcoholism. Thus, no field of investigation could yield more satisfying and valuable rewards than this one. I learned that I had basic flaws which were responsible for the whole pattern of my life. And that any relationship I had was bound to have left me with scars buried far beneath the surface. These scars had discolored my personality and had altered my life for the worse. The solution, however, was far less complicated than the problem. Through integrating all Twelve Steps into my life, I had to find The Power Within me (never looked there) that could and would enable me to form an effective and loving relationship with myself and then with others. That had to occur and it had to remain that way. For me, that is only possible exactly as you described it. The Gift of my lifetime.
ReplyDeleteMichael as you wrote 'the gift of my lifetime.' Well said my friend...Thank you...Armand
DeleteFrom my earliest youth I was taught the Way, the Truth and the Light... but I chose a path littered with bleached and brittle bones. Everyone and everything I encountered was another opportunity to satisfy the ever growing insatiable appetites of a wounded scavenger whose only true skill was deception. Lying was my life. My life was my prison. Drinking my futile attempt to escape from the carnage left in my wake and to justify creating another.
ReplyDeleteBut, somebody was praying for me. Perhaps it was a family member, perhaps it was a neighbor. Perhaps it was one of the many people I had harmed in my self-centered black hole of a life. But somebody was inspired by God to place me on their prayer list and having been miraculously delivered from a self imposed prison of misdirected survival skills that found me at the very precipice of an ignominious death, I was delivered. In the rooms of AA I have surrendered my life. I have passed my pen to the Master Planner and moved from prisoner to pilgrim.
It has not always been without struggle. Life is not a consistent encounter with rainbows, lollipops and unicorns. I still must contend with the ever-present seductions of the world; and though now graciously subdued, the ever present calling of the appetites of my flesh. But throughout every encounter His grace abounds. This new life is no longer dependent totally upon me. The internal struggle is no longer encountered alone and the mystery for managing the transition has now been laid before me with a simple clarity that only comes through an ever expanding relationship with the only True Source of Power, Light and Love.
That divine gift of willingness, that "Grain of a mustard seed of faith," spoken of in Matthew 19-20; is no longer light years away. My willingness now grows by every encounter with life's former problems and perplexities into a deep and abiding faith. I can now experience Gods people as true brothers and sisters and desired gifts from above, as every encounter reveals the only true touchstones of faith, love and compassion growing an unyielding devotion to the Author and Finisher of this new journey and the unspeakable richness of the mind and plan of God.
In Steps 4 and 5 The Author provided the Holy Spirit who now resides within me. He reminds me of the simple steps that first brought me to this place. He teaches that truth without love is pride and that love without truth is mere sentimentality. That the purpose of life and all of His creation is an eternal relationship by, with and through Him... When all around seems vexed and troubled. When confusion and conflict abound. He compels the surrender of every encounter within life's lesson plan and gently reminds it has been lovingly written into eternity, just for me, that I may continue to discover Him as He truly is.
A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic
A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic you wrote "I have surrendered my life." The purpose of the 12 Steps of AA is to bring about the surrender of self to the will of God...Thank you...Armand
ReplyDeleteHonest and deep relationships with another human being, including my wife of 26 years at the time, was only possible after I once did a thorough and complete 4th step, followed up quickly by the 5th 6th and 7th step. Prior to experiencing these steps, I had never seen my behavior from another person's perspective. The process of completing all four columns was like watching a different movie. I came to realize that I was working for my ego and not my ego working for me. I had allowed my own perception of myself to hide behind a wall so no one could see inside as well as myself not having the capability to see others. What a lonely place! The wall crashing experience was fully understood once I made my amends to the other people in my life from the 8th and 9th step. The key for me was learning to ask for deep humility from my God on a daily basis. Pulling back my ego from defining how I see the world could of only happened because I am a recovering alcoholic. I can't say it often as much or loud enough, I must practice these principles in all my affairs.
ReplyDeleteJim humility is the key that unlocks the door to the grace of God...Thank you...Armand
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