Monday, October 8, 2018

Motivation To Complete Step Nine

The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous says, "We have a list of all persons we have harmed and to whom we are willing to make amends.  Now we go out to our fellows and repair the damage done in our past.  We attempt to sweep away the debris that has accumulated out of our effort to live on self will and run the show ourselves.  If we haven't the will to do so, we ask until it comes (a ninth step prayer).   Remember, it was agreed upon at the beginning that we would go to any lengths for victory over alcohol."  It was difficult for me to find the person to share my Fourth Step with and to share the exact nature of my wrongs with God.  However, I did, and in doing so I found a sense of relief through the power of  forgiveness.  Coming to Step Nine of the twelve steps of Alcoholics Anonymous was somewhat daunting, yet easier, as I then had the experience of God on my side.   The Fifth Step brought a sense of relief - the beginning of a serene life. For the first time since I was a small boy I felt the presence of God in my life.  I knew then that sobriety by itself was not enough, that I desired to be recovered.  I knew that the solution was and is a vital spiritual experience and having a relationship with God in whom I trust. Therefore, I had plenty of motivation and desire to adopt the humility necessary to make amends to the people I had harmed - Step Nine.

          I learned through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous not to consider any harm that had been done to me. Besides, it was much easier to do so at that point as I was praying for and forgiving those on my list.  In the Big Book it states, "Under no condition do we criticize such a person or argue.  Simply we tell them that we will never get over our drinking until we do our utmost to straighten out the past.  We are there to sweep off our side of the street realizing that nothing worthwhile can be accomplished until we do so, never trying to tell them what they must do."

          This is how I approached the Ninth Step.  I began with my immediate family. Life is funny -things don't always occur in what is perceived and assumed as the proper sequence.  My father had passed before I had any consciousness that I owed him an amends.  I went to his grave and grieved over his death and our life together.   My mother was having serious cognitive problems and, although I was able to make a verbal amends to her, the amends came as she was sinking deeper into her illness and when I was actually able to care for her.  My sister, who was shocked in my attempt to make amends to her, could only say, "Really? Really?!"  And on it went.  To those I could not see and to those that did not want to see me I sent a sincere and complete letter and prayed for the best for them.  It became easier as I moved through the list.

          In the Fifth Step I began to feel serenity and, now with the tasks of the Ninth Step complete, I have extricated myself through the grace of God from the past - I was free, maybe for the first time in my entire life.

Written by Armand

8 comments:

  1. As you point out, this is why the program of recovery is built on all Twelve Steps. Each one links to another with a harmony that eventually awakens our spirits and helps us, as defeated drinkers, to heal. Regardless of what follows after our lives here are over, Step Nine is the ultimate dress rehearsal for that spiritual inevitability. Until then, it is our opportunity to recreate a life of good relationships with all on our path, and to not have to re-create our darkened pasts. The Promises are positioned after we have completed Step Nine in order that we may take them with us into the realm of the spirit that awaits in Step Ten and beyond. For me, right relationships with others had to be preceded by a right relationship with myself through the awareness, awakening and presence of The Power Within me. A live changing and live giving gift.

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    1. Michael when we integrate the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous into our life in such a way that it becomes our life we then are right with God ourselves and those around us...Thank you...Armand

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  2. Armand,


    The touchstone to this step was an overwhelming sense of grief, married to a profound desire to clear the carnage left in the "wake" of an already acknowledged misspent life. I can only describe it as Divinely inspired. I was immersed, for that moment, in the heart of God. No words were said, nor could ever convey the pain I felt in the presence of injured spirits and innocent lives still suffering the emotional scars of every past malignant encounter. I was, in that moment, given an incredible gift. The undeserved privilege of being a partaker in the ministry of healing that God would provide to others as He sought to heal the last scars that I, in my selfishness, had carved into the fragile spirits of untold lives.

    Those who were near, gradually experienced refreshment after a sincere confession and a newly consistent display of love, value and respect for their unique personhood. Others, He placed on my heart in preparation as He miraculously brought us together. This is truly a journey that need not take a lifetime to complete. However, If done in the wrong spirit, I have discovered it can become the greatest single impediment to the freedom and healing power contained in Step 10...

    A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic

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    1. A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic thank you for sharing your experience...Armand

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  3. "...and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us."

    If I am to be recovered, I must be fully responsible for my words and actions. If I seek God's forgiveness, I must forgive others. I must do my part to make amends to others and even potentially receive their forgiveness. There is a profound freedom and peace when I live in the will of God. I can not exist in the will of God carrying the baggage of this world. Only God can do this and He will do it if I do the work to the best of my ability at the time I make the effort.

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    1. Jim the transformation of thought necessary to recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body stated in the Dr's opiniom, is essential and must be complete...Thank you...Armand

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  4. I am willing to clean up the past and prayer for God’s guidance in making amends. I have the willingness to clean up any damage that I have caused to harm another. I can see the exact nature of my wrongs in inventory and when I adnit this to God, myself and another human being I begin to see the truth and receive the willingness to move forward and make amends. I need to forgive myself and let go of what I can’t change and that I can’t change others only myself. I own my part and become ready to change and seek God’s will for me moving forward. I am continuing to grow along spiritual lines and heal from my spiritual malady and grave emotional & mental disorders, praying for self-acceptance and God’s Grace and healing. I hope to connect more deeply with God and to find peace within myself, with others & with God. If I can begin to forgive myself and have self-love and I can more easily forgive another, be there for others & have more love and tolerance.

    I am trying to trust the process and believe that if I am painstaking about this phase of my development I will be amazed before I m half way through, knowing a new freedom and a new happiness, not regretting the past or shitting the door on it. I will comprehend the word serenity and know peace. No matter how far down the scale I have gone, I will see that my experince can benefit others. The feeling of uselessness & self-pity will slip away. My whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and economic security will leave me. I will intuitively know how to handle situations that use to baffle me. I will suddenly realize that God is doing for me what I could not do for myself. ❤️

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    1. Jessica you are in the battle. Trust in God...Thank you...Armand

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