Am I Entirely Ready

The Sixth Step of Alcoholics Anonymous is, "Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character".  The original draft of the Big Book used the word "willing" instead of the words "entirely ready".  I found it helpful to incorporate both into my Sixth Step, so that I had the willingness to be entirely ready.
           As an alcoholic, giving up control is awkward and strenuous - I would rather apply some sort of cognitive therapy or behavioral modification to control my defects.  But practicing that method is like applying a band-aid to a festering infection, it does nothing.  Control of defects is not the snag, but rather that our human defects are not to exist in our behavior, as it is our defects that are keeping us from the perfection that God seeks in us.  God seeks for us to be the human being that He created us to be, thereby able to maximize our human potential.
           When we are in the will of God our human character defects, which exist only in our human nature, cannot possibly manifest themselves in our behavior.
           Yes, I am willing to be entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

A Fifth Step Story

Having shared the Fifth Step with myself and another human being, having exhibited a sense of humility, having acquired a clarity of mind and a sense of peace I was encouraged and braced to complete the final piece of the Fifth Step - to admit to God the exact nature of my wrongs.  I met my sponsor at a small chapel and felt in no way out of the ordinary until he swung open the doors. I looked down the center isle to the alter and became immediately aware of the quietness and the state of holiness that existed.  I froze and swallowed hard, realizing that in the next few moments I was going to experience the most profound event of my entire life thus far.  In that time, that place, and in that moment I was to seek the forgiveness of God for all I had done wrong in the past.  Together, my sponsor and I slowly knelt down and he prayed in the way that only he can.  When he was done praying, I shared the exact nature of my wrongs with God. I had completed the Fifth Step.
           Since then I have participated in many Fifth Steps with alcoholics and addicts that I have read the Big Book with. It is altogether a very humbling experience to be a part of, making me feel most helpful as a human being and supplying a sense of wholeness to life.  Recently I did a Fifth Step with someone and, as we were leaving the Church, he said "I know that for centuries people like you have helped people like me do exactly what we did today... but today was the day that I had the opportunity to participate in it".
           Yes, it is a remarkable experience to feel the nearness of God and to share that with another. It is an experience that is not meant to be missed. It is a complete cleansing of the past and, in turn, receiving the gift of forgiveness and a clean slate of life - all built upon a new relationship with God.

Humility As A Recovery Tool

The basis of all twelve steps of Alcoholics Anonymous is humility, the spirit of which is necessary as our egos must be deflated.  Admitting to our innermost self that we are alcoholic, learning to trust in God and making a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God are all steps on the road to humility.  In the Fourth Step, identifying who we are and acceptance of what that means is ego deflating and humbling.  But for me, the biggest step in accepting humility, but not the last, was the Fifth Step - in which I shared my Fourth Step list, the deepest darkest side of myself, with myself, God and another human being.

          In the Seventh Step we offer all of ourselves, the good and the bad, to God to do with us as He would have us do so that our human character defects do not manifest themselves in our behavior.  Another step in humility occurs as we go out and make our amends, reconciling the wrongs we have done in the past.  And finally in the Eleventh Step, where a recovered alcoholic resides, praying only for the knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out, can only be performed with a humble spirit.
     
          It is humility which unlocks the door to the grace of God. Only through a humbled spirit may we recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body.  Humility is absolutely necessary.  

Admit And Accept

       In The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions it is written: "A continuous look at our assets and liabilities, and a real desire to learn and grow by this means, are necessities for us. We alcoholics have learned this the hard way. More experienced people, of course, in all times and places have practiced unsparing self-survey and criticism. For the wise have always known that no one can make much of his life until self-searching becomes a regular habit, until he is able to ADMIT and ACCEPT what he finds, and until he patiently and persistently tries to correct what is wrong.

      Through daily inventory we can admit and accept that our character defects are a part of our human nature, a part that cannot manifest if we are truly living in the will of God. We are completely capable of understanding, if the proper work on the 12 steps is thoroughly done, that our human nature is in fact defected. We must accept this about ourselves if we desire to be recovered.

       In the program of Alcoholics Anonymous it is often said, "Let go and let God."  The "Let go" part is turning from the incessant prompts of our human nature and the "Let God" part is living in, and thereby manifesting, the will of God.  Living in the raw-natured will of God, our character defects cannot be manifested in our behavior - it is in such a spiritual place that our nature can be perfected as we become the human being that God created us to be.

          Self-survey is a most powerful tool of recovery.

Written by Armand
Edited by Caitlin Alexandra

The Eighth Step - Another Chance To Pray For And Forgive

   As I began the fourth step of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous I faced the four column inventory of my resentments, fears and sexual conduct.  My sponsor suggested that I begin to    pray for and forgive all of those on all of my lists.  In the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous there is a prayer for each of these lists - three prayers in total.
      The Eighth Step of Alcoholics Anonymous, "Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all," is yet another chance to pray for and forgive all those on all of my lists and to begin doing the same with any new situations that may arise.  We are already in possession of an Eighth Step list - extracted from our Fourth Step inventory.  As we begin to pray for and forgive we are also making a beginning on Steps Eleven and Twelve.

       Prayer and forgiveness are essential tools if we are to recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body  We learned in the Fourth Step that resentments toward others is the number one offender to a relationship with God, as we are called to love all, although we are never to be accepting of evil.

       The Eighth Step provides for us ANOTHER CHANCE TO PRAY FOR AND TO FORGIVE all those on our lists. This is necessary in order to bring the Spirit into our Ninth Step amends.    

Written by Armand

Edited by Caitlin Alexandra

The Folly Of Control

 

The literature of Alcoholics Anonymous says as alcoholics, " Our egomania digs two disastrous pitfalls. Either we insist upon dominating the people we know, or we depend upon them far too much.  If we lean too heavily on people, they will sooner or later fail us, for they are human, too, and cannot possibly meet our incessant demands. In this way our insecurity grows and festers.  When we habitually try to manipulate others to our own willful desires, they revolt, and resist us heavily.  Then we develop hurt feelings, a sense of persecution, and a desire to retaliate.  As we redouble our efforts at control, and continue to fail, our suffering becomes acute and constant.  We have not once sought to be one in a family, to be a friend among friends, to be a worker among workers, to be a useful member of society.  Always we tried to struggle to the top of the heap, or to hide underneath it.  This self-centered behavior blocked a partnership relation with any one of those about us.  Of true brotherhood we had small comprehension."

         It is in the letting go of self and trusting in God that allows us to accept others as they are and to relinquish control. One of the greatest gifts from the program of A.A. is to have true and honest relationships with those around us. We can learn how to interact with others through our interaction with God in the Eleventh Step.  We can learn how to love and how to allow ourselves to be loved   We can learn how not to interact with other personalities, which we can like or dislike, but rather to interact with the part of them that is good - the part of them that is God.

       It is in the letting go of self and the trusting in God that allows us to accept others as they are (and ourselves as we are).  This allows us not only to relinquish control but to have no need or desire to control at all.

Written by Armand

Edited by Caitlin Alexandra

Motivation To Complete Step Nine

         The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous says, "We have a list of all persons we have harmed and to whom we are willing to make amends.  Now we go out to our fellows and repair the damage done in our past.  We attempt to sweep away the debris that has accumulated out of our effort to live on self will and run the show ourselves.  If we haven't the will to do so, we ask until it comes (a ninth step prayer).   Remember, it was agreed upon at the beginning that we would go to any lengths for victory over alcohol."  It was difficult for me to find the person to share my Fourth Step with and to share the exact nature of my wrongs with God.  However, I did, and in doing so I found a sense of relief through the power of  forgiveness.  Coming to Step Nine of the twelve steps of Alcoholics Anonymous was somewhat daunting, yet easier, as I then had the experience of God on my side.   The Fifth Step brought a sense of relief - the beginning of a serene life. For the first time since I was a small boy I felt the presence of God in my life.  I knew then that sobriety by itself was not enough, that I desired to be recovered.  I knew that the solution was and is a vital spiritual experience and having a relationship with God in whom I trust. Therefore, I had plenty of motivation and desire to adopt the humility necessary to make amends to the people I had harmed - Step Nine.

          I learned through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous not to consider any harm that had been done to me. Besides, it was much easier to do so at that point as I was praying for and forgiving those on my list.  In the Big Book it states, "Under no condition do we criticize such a person or argue.  Simply we tell them that we will never get over our drinking until we do our utmost to straighten out the past.  We are there to sweep off our side of the street realizing that nothing worthwhile can be accomplished until we do so, never trying to tell them what they must do."

       
          This is how I approached the Ninth Step.  I began with my immediate family. Life is funny -things don't always occur in what is perceived and assumed as the proper sequence.  My father had passed before I had any consciousness that I owed him an amends.  I went to his grave and grieved over his death and our life together.   My mother was having serious cognitive problems and, although I was able to make a verbal amends to her, the amends came as she was sinking deeper into her illness and when I was actually able to care for her.  My sister, who was shocked in my attempt to make amends to her, could only say, "Really? Really?!"  And on it went.  To those I could not see and to those that did not want to see me I sent a sincere and complete letter and prayed for the best for them.  It became easier as I moved through the list.

         
          In the Fifth Step I began to feel serenity and, now with the tasks of the Ninth Step complete, I have extricated myself through the grace of God from the past - I was free, maybe for the first time in my entire life.

Written by Armand
Edited by Caitlin Alexandra

The Healing of Fear

       Thereafter having admitted that I was alcoholic I soon found out that alcohol in and of itself was not my problem, but was the manifestation of my problem.  The true problem was self-centered fear - afraid that I was not going to get what I want and afraid that I was going to lose what I had.
           In the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous it says, "When dealing with the fear problem, or any other problem, perhaps there is a better way as we are now on a different basis, the basis of trusting and relying upon God. We trust infinite God rather than finite self. We are in the world to play the role God assigns.  Just to the extent we do as we think God would have us do and humbly rely on God, does God enable us to match calamity with serenity. We never apologize to anyone for depending on our creator. We can laugh at those who think spirituality is the way of weakness. The verdict of the ages is that faith means courage. All possessors of faith have courage. They trust their God. We let God demonstrate through us what God can do. We ask God to remove our fear and direct our attention to what we should be doing.  At once, we commence to outgrow fear."
          The integration of the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous into our lives leads to a personal relationship with God. Prior to that occurring, fear haunted all of our being, was in all of our moments, driving all of our decisions in an attempt to satiate our instincts. We were afraid that we were not going to get what we wanted and afraid that we were going to lose what we had.  Today, in this moment, that can change. That will change for all of us if we are in alignment with God's will for us. We will then know a peace we have never before experienced.

Written by Armand
Edited by Caitlin Alexandra