Step One in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous requires an admission to our innermost self
that we are alcoholic. As difficult as this is, we see the
progression not only in the amount of alcohol we consumed but the
negative effects the alcohol was having on our bodies and on our lives.
This realization comes after we declare, "I am an alcoholic" (or "I am
an addict") and after we had a desire not
to drink and not to use. We had to make an admission
that we were powerless over alcohol, over drugs, over our reckless
behaviors, and that our lives had indeed become
unmanageable. We drank, used, and behaved the way our disease willed us
to and so many of us relapsed time and time again over events and
circumstances in our lives. The happenstances of our lives are only
excuses as the
real reason we lapsed was because we only wanted or had one foot in the
program, and one
foot out of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.
In
Chapter Five of the "Big Book" of Alcoholics Anonymous entitled "How It
Works" states, "Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly
followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or
will not completely give themselves to this simple program." We can chose
not to thoroughly follow the path and so we do not completely give
ourselves to this simple program as we are so very defiant by nature.
The result of such defiance is relapse (if we are lucky, death if we are
not).
It is true that an admission is required. It is true that we must
admit complete defeat. It is true that our lives are unmanageable.
It is
true that we must admit to our innermost self that we are alcoholic,
that we are addict, that we are amok with disease. It is
true that we must surrender to the program of AA. Once we have made all
of these
admissions we must integrate the program of AA into our lives in such a
way that it
becomes our life. Then maybe, just maybe, for the first time in our
existence we will have a life... a real life...a joyful, loved-filled
life.
Written by Armand
Edited by Caitlin Alexandra
The admission that I was an alcoholic wasn't difficult or humiliating for me to make. I remember it as if it were yesterday. I just wanted to not be sick anymore."You never have to feel this way again" was the promise of truth that got me off my knees and into the magnificent arms of Alcoholics Anonymous, the greatest gift of my life. But Step 1 warned that "until I accepted my devastating weakness and all it's consequences, my sobriety, if any, would be precarious." The consequences required real work, the work outlined in the Twelve Steps which had to be incorporated into my life in the order in which they were written. The admission in The Sixth Step that my character, my very core, was defective had to be processed through to my innermost self. Just like having a defective heart (which I did), I had a defective soul, which is why I drank. My entire life - all of it - had to be entrusted to the The Power Within me with Whom I could develop a personal relationship through the no-wiggle-room adherence to The Program of Recovery precisely outlined and iterated in The Big Book. I found that I could trade in the jalopy called "my life" for a new form of transportation called "Recovery" which came with a Driver who was no longer me. I had to trade me (to Trust) in order to find me. From complete admission to a new form of transmission.
ReplyDeleteMichael to say "I am alcoholic" is one thing. To admit to our innermost self that we are alcoholic is another and necessary as this is the First Step of recovery...Thank you...Armand
ReplyDelete