The Resentment Prayer

            I found that in compiling my Fourth Step resentment list, the best way to cope with resentments were to first pray for and forgive those on my list.  In the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous in the chapter "How It Works" it states, "...we realize that the people who had wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick.  Though we did not like their symptoms and the way they disturbed us they, like ourselves, were sick too.  We ask God to help us grant  them the same tolerance, pity and patience we would grant a sick friend.  When a person offended we said to ourselves, 'Perhaps this is a sick person, how can I be helpful to them? God save me from being angry, Thy will be done.'  God will show us how to take a kind and tolerant view of each and everyone."  As we draw closer to God this begins to happen naturally.  

             As an alcoholic we find that resentment is the number one offender to a serene and peaceful life. If we are to have a clear state of consciousness that is free of conflict; if we are to lead an alcohol-free life, a life where resentment is not causing conflict in our mind and therefore not manifested in our behavior, then we must let go of our human resentments.  There is often no way possible to do this without the help of God.

Unique Disease

                Alcoholism is a UNIQUE DISEASE in that it is two fold.  We have a physical allergy which ensures that each and every time we put alcohol into our system, we'll get sick, we'll get drunk, we'll get into all kinds of trouble.  But more importantly we have a mental obsession which ensures that even though we don't want to drink, sooner or later our mind will tell us it's ok, we'll put the alcohol into our system, we'll trigger the physical allergy and we'll get drunk again.
              Dr. Silkworth, the chief medical benefactor of AA suggests that the thought process of the mind has to be transformed.  The thought process of the mind of an alcoholic must have a psychic change, and this change is essential and must be complete.  As Dr. Silkworth states "on the other hand and strange as this may seem, once a psychic change has occurred the very same person who seemed doomed, who has so many problems they despaired of ever solving them is easily able to control their desire for alcohol, the only effort necessary being that required to follow a few simple rules."
             The transformation of thought that is necessary to recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body occurs through the grace of God received by the practice of the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.
            Having admitted complete defeat, having admitted to our innermost selves that we are alcoholic, understanding that our human power could not overcome our alcoholism, having begun to trust in God as a solution to our problems we were now at Step Three as "I decided to turn my will and my life over to the care of God." Our will is our thoughts and our life is our behavior as we always think before we act.  "God I offer myself to Thee, to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt, relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do thy will.  Take away from me my difficulties so that victory over them will bear witness to Thy power, Thy love and Thy way of life.  May I do Thy will always.
            A simple solution to a complicated and UNIQUE DISEASE            

Giving

  
                 Initially I had no idea, but to possess the qualities that many of the members of Alcoholics Anonymous possessed took a degree of humility, the characteristic I had none of as I was extremely prideful but now a characteristic I long to possess.
                In the book Alcoholics Anonymous Comes Of Age, in the historic visit to Bill W. from his boarding school chum Ebby T., who at the time had almost been committed for alcoholic insanity, was sober and came to share with Bill what had happened.  He outlined the precepts of the Oxford Group, one of which applies to humility.  He said I was told to practice Giving, the Giving of yourself to somebody.
               Personally, I have learned that it is humility which unlocks the door to the grace of God.  In order to grow in humility I must begin to let go of my selfish desires and begin to have a faith in God which eventually blossoms into a complete trust in God.  Trust in God initially is difficult, as through the course of my life I have used my instincts and my intellect to propel me through life.  But when I was faced with a self imposed crisis that I could not overcome with my human power I had to rely on a higher power.  As the Big Book says "we trust in infinite God rather than finite self."  Today in this day and in this time, I trust in God.  The development of this trust in God leads to a caring of others that was not possible for me before.  An alcoholic who is humble enough to trust in God knows that the Giving of self in the helping of others is a critical tool of recovery.   

Inspiration

             In the chapter Into Action in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous it says "In thinking about our day we may face indecision.  We may not be able to determine which course to take.  Here we ask God for INSPIRATION, an intuitive thought or decision.  We don't struggle.  We are often surprised how the right answers come after we have tried this for awhile.  What used to be the hunch or the occasional INSPIRATION gradually becomes a working part of the mind.  Being still inexperienced and having just made conscious contact with God it is improbable that we are going to be inspired at all times.  Nevertheless, we find that our thinking will, as time passes be more and more on the plane of INSPIRATION.  We come to rely upon it."
               It is in the conscious contact with God  that INSPIRATION may be received.  It is where a recovered alcoholic lives.
               INSPIRATION is defined in the dictionary as the thoughts of God implanted in the mind and soul of man.  When the thoughts of God is received in my soul I don't need to run them by my intellect, as I know immediately that they are the truth.  The question becomes, is my human nature surrendered to the will of God in this moment so that I am capable of receiving God's thoughts or is my thought process propelled by my human instinct.  A recovered alcoholic lives by INSPIRATION as their thought process is propelled by the will of God.
 

Am I Entirely Ready

The Sixth Step of Alcoholics Anonymous is, "Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character".  The original draft of the Big Book used the word "willing" instead of the words "entirely ready".  I found it helpful to incorporate both into my Sixth Step, so that I had the willingness to be entirely ready.
           As an alcoholic, giving up control is awkward and strenuous - I would rather apply some sort of cognitive therapy or behavioral modification to control my defects.  But practicing that method is like applying a band-aid to a festering infection, it does nothing.  Control of defects is not the snag, but rather that our human defects are not to exist in our behavior, as it is our defects that are keeping us from the perfection that God seeks in us.  God seeks for us to be the human being that He created us to be, thereby able to maximize our human potential. 
           When we are in the will of God our human character defects, which exist only in our human nature, cannot possibly manifest themselves in our behavior.
           Yes, I am willing to be entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

A Fifth Step Story

Having shared the Fifth Step with myself and another human being, having exhibited a sense of humility, having acquired a clarity of mind and a sense of peace I was encouraged and braced to complete the final piece of the Fifth Step - to admit to God the exact nature of my wrongs.  I met my sponsor at a small chapel and felt in no way out of the ordinary until he swung open the doors. I looked down the center isle to the alter and became immediately aware of the quietness and the state of holiness that existed.  I froze and swallowed hard, realizing that in the next few moments I was going to experience the most profound event of my entire life thus far.  In that time, that place, and in that moment I was to seek the forgiveness of God for all I had done wrong in the past.  Together, my sponsor and I slowly knelt down and he prayed in the way that only he can.  When he was done praying, I shared the exact nature of my wrongs with God. I had completed the Fifth Step.
           Since then I have participated in many Fifth Steps with alcoholics and addicts that I have read the Big Book with. It is altogether a very humbling experience to be a part of, making me feel most helpful as a human being and supplying a sense of wholeness to life.  Recently I did a Fifth Step with someone and, as we were leaving the Church, he said "I know that for centuries people like you have helped people like me do exactly what we did today... but today was the day that I had the opportunity to participate in it".
           Yes, it is a remarkable experience to feel the nearness of God and to share that with another. It is an experience that is not meant to be missed. It is a complete cleansing of the past and, in turn, receiving the gift of forgiveness and a clean slate of life - all built upon a new relationship with God.

Humility As A Recovery Tool

The basis of all twelve steps of Alcoholics Anonymous is humility, the spirit of which is necessary as our egos must be deflated.  Admitting to our innermost self that we are alcoholic, learning to trust in God and making a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God are all steps on the road to humility.  In the Fourth Step, identifying who we are and acceptance of what that means is ego deflating and humbling.  But for me, the biggest step in accepting humility, but not the last, was the Fifth Step - in which I shared my Fourth Step list, the deepest darkest side of myself, with myself, God and another human being.

          In the Seventh Step we offer all of ourselves, the good and the bad, to God to do with us as He would have us do so that our human character defects do not manifest themselves in our behavior.  Another step in humility occurs as we go out and make our amends, reconciling the wrongs we have done in the past.  And finally in the Eleventh Step, where a recovered alcoholic resides, praying only for the knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out, can only be performed with a humble spirit.
       
          It is humility which unlocks the door to the grace of God. Only through a humbled spirit may we recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body.  Humility is absolutely necessary.   

Admit And Accept

    In the Step Book it tells us that a continuous look back at our liabilities and a real desire to grow by those means are necessities for us. We alcoholics have learned this the hard way. More experienced people, in all times and places, have practiced unsparing self-survey and criticism. The wise have always known that no human being can make much of their life until self-searching becomes a regular habit - until one is able to ADMIT AND ACCEPT what is found. 
          Through my daily inventory I can now admit and accept that my character defects are a part of my human nature, a part of my nature that cannot manifest itself if I am living in the will of God. I have come to understand that my human nature is defected and I must accept this about myself.
          In the program of Alcoholics Anonymous it is often said "let go and let God."  The "let go" part is turning from the incessant prompts of our human nature and the "let God" part is living in and thereby manifesting the will of God.  In the will of God, the raw nature of God, our character defects cannot be manifested in our behavior and it is here that our nature can be perfected as we become the human being that God created us to be.
          Self-survey is a most powerful tool of recovery.  

The Eighth Step - Another Chance To Pray For And Forgive

       As I began the fourth step of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous I faced the four column inventory of my resentments, fears and sexual conduct.  My sponsor suggested that I begin to pray for and forgive all of those on all of my lists.  In the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous there is a prayer for each of these lists - three prayers in total.
      The Eighth Step of Alcoholics Anonymous, "Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all," is yet another chance to pray for and forgive all those on all of my lists and to begin doing the same with any new situations that may arise.  We are already in possession of an Eighth Step list - extracted from our Fourth Step inventory.  As we begin to pray for and forgive we are also making a beginning on Steps Eleven and Twelve.
       Prayer and forgiveness are essential tools if we are to recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body  We learned in the Fourth Step that resentments toward others is the number one offender to a relationship with God, as we are called to love all, although we are never to be accepting of evil.
          The Eighth Step provides for us ANOTHER CHANCE TO PRAY FOR AND TO FORGIVE all those on our lists. This is necessary in order to bring the Spirit into our Ninth Step amends.    

Written by Armand
Edited by Caitlin Alexandra