So much has been accomplished and a good portion of the
program of Alcoholics Anonymous has been completed but now the personal
relationship with and the dependence on God takes on a much deeper and
all encompassing meaning.
In the Big Book of
Alcoholics Anonymous in the chapter How It Works it says, "we are in the
world to play the role God assigns." I have learned through experience
that this may be accomplished through the practice of the Twelve Steps
and specifically by integrating Step Eleven into my life. But it is
the Tenth Step through daily examination where we uncover that our
character defects continue to manifest themselves in our behavior, even
though this reaction to life is not what we want. It is here in the
conflict of not wanting to manifest my character defects in my behavior
but POWERLESS not to have this occur that I am thrown back into Step
One and I can now clearly see that I am not only powerless over my use
of alcohol but I am powerless over every aspect of my life. I had
previously learned, at a cognitive level, that all my life must be given
to the care and direction of God but now through personal experience I
perceive this with more clarity and at a much deeper level.
It is in the taking of the daily inventory that we begin to
fully understand the power and pervasiveness of our character defects
encoded in our human nature. To overcome the manifestation of our
character defects in our behavior we must subrogate our human nature too
and we must abandon ourselves utterly to the will of God for it is in
the infinite power and love of God that we are healed.
Having completely admitted defeat at the hands of alcohol, I thought I'd regain some power over my life. Instead, I found frustration and disappointment. A sober friend suggested I find a Big Book sponsor who could guide me through The Twelve Steps toward personal happiness and peace of mind. It didn't take long for the Light to turn on. I had to relinquish my will in all matters to the care of The Power Within me. In turn, I found a new power that superseded my human nature and now provides me with the certainty of its Presence and Love each and every day. I am fortified by an internal strength dependent only on my following the quiet direction of my spirit and not the relentless commands of my will. To find power, I had to find The Power.
ReplyDeleteMy defects create a fog about my world, but it is because I let them take over that they do so. It is a fabrication in which, when I live in it, detains me from the realm of the Spirit. My own thinking, my own deficiencies, my LIMITATIONS are all of my own human will. I will my behavior to that which my thinking has demanded of it to be and in doing so overstep the Master plan. My time with alcohol proved my powerlessness over it - and my time lived in my own stunted and restricted existence proved my powerlessness over life and the need for God to save me from it. When my defects are in full throttle I bypass everything on my way to nothing and run over all of my loved ones as I do so. When I came to the point of disgust and admittance in my behavior and cognitive falsities I knew the twelve steps were the only steps to take - leading me upwards on the stairway to freedom, to God's plan, to conquering the disease which contaminated my entire life with venom. As part of the program I know how to recognize such poison when it seeps in, and how to draw it out with prayer. The cord which binds me to God keeps me constantly aware of my defects and it allows me to live without manifesting them, on a higher plane with the Spirit at my side.
ReplyDeleteMichael loved when you said " I had to relinquish my will in all matters to the care of the Power within me." Spirituality is not learned it is experienced and only through the practice of the Twelve Steps do we understand the powerlessness of our human nature and the power of God to heal us...Thank you...Armand
ReplyDeleteCaitlin Just an incredible description of the manifestation of our defects in our life when you wrote "When my defects are in full throttle I bypass everything on my way to nothing and run over all my loved ones as I do so." The solution to that is a life lived where our thought process is propelled by the will of God thereby bringer our behavior to a higher plane of humility, forgiveness and love...Thak you...Armand
DeleteThis is to correct typo's above
ReplyDeletebringing Thank