Our True Malady

                    In the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous in the chapter "How It Works" it states, "The first requirement (for the taking of the Third Step) is that we be convinced that any life run on self will can hardly be a success.  Remember that we deal with alcohol cunning, baffling, powerful.  Without help it is too much for us.  But there is One who has all power - that One is God. May you find Him now!"  It also says "Selfishness - self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles... So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making... and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so.  Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness... And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid."
                 We have learned through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous that we have three basic instincts. These instincts are God given and necessary for life, but in me I can never get enough of what it is I think I need.  The great psychiatrist Sigmund Freud defines an instinct as "a bodily need manifested in our thought process".  So what occurs for us as an alcoholic is, our instincts manifest themselves in our thought process and triggers our self centered fear.  We learned through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous that alcohol is but a symptom of OUR TRUE MALADY. Any addiction is such. OUR TRUE MALADY is self-centered fear, afraid that we are not going to get what we want, afraid that we will lose what we have.  Once our fear is triggered we reach for our character defects in an attempt to satiate our instincts. The only problem is that in us we can never get enough of what it is that we think we need, then we run around chasing our tails creating havoc in our lives - but more importantly, havoc in the lives of everyone around us.  This is the functioning piece of Alcoholism.
                  As an alcoholic I have a compulsive need to defend my basic human instincts, often to an extreme.  This manifestation of my character defects is a result of my self-centered fear that permeates my life.  Alcohol is but a symptom of OUR TRUE MALADY.  OUR TRUE MALADY is self-centered fear.