A life lived to constantly fuel and satisfy desires. To a protection
of instincts that are warped by fear and self absorption. A life
lived in defiance, self centeredness, extreme sensitivity and
grandiosity. A life that never could initiate and sustain true and
honest relations with other human beings. A life forever searching
outside of myself and completely unaware that the solution to my
problems lay within myself. This life, fueled by fear and an insatiable
desire in an attempt to appease my human instincts became so intensely
anxiety filled that I increasingly sought escape as a way to experience
ease and comfort within myself, A complete contradiction. One of the
forms of this escape was the increasing use of alcohol which eventually
led to addiction. An addiction I continually sought control of and
increasingly found myself unable to do so. This inability to control
created a series of negative consequences in my life driven by a self
will that knew no bounds. I continually tried to address the problem of
alcohol in my life with my internal drives, I was trying to SOLVE THE
PROBLEM WITH THE PROBLEM.
I was unaware that I
have a unique disease in that it is two fold. I have a physical allergy
which ensures that each and every time I put alcohol into my system
I'll get sick, I'll get drunk, I'll get into all kinds of trouble. But
more importantly I have a mental obsession which ensures that even
though I don't want to drink sooner or later my mind will tell me it's
ok, I'll put the alcohol into my system, I'll trigger the physical
allergy and I'll get drunk again. .Time after time in using my mind to
create a way to control my use of alcohol and always failing to do so
has proven to me that I CAN'T SOLVE THE PROBLEM WITH THE PROBLEM.
The solution to our problem with alcohol and with every
problem in our lives is a relationship with God through a vital
spiritual experience tempered and enlightened by prayer and meditation.
This experience will occur in our lives through the integration of the
Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous in such a way that they become our
life. Then, THE PROBLEM WILL BE SOLVED.
Alone, I am afraid. Alone I will do everything you enumerated - and I will remain alone. Alone I will attempt to satiate my needs in any number of ways; I will employ my mind to do the strategizing and my mind will yield unsatisfactory results.. In truth, my mind is alone. However, through The Twelve Steps of AA, I have come to know and believe two life-changing certainties: that there is a Power Within me, and that in His Will my mind cannot hurt me. The Solution to my problem lies deep within me, that is the Great Reality that has given life to my spirit. It is far more powerful than my mind. And I am no longer alone.
ReplyDeleteMichael in Alcoholics Anonymous we learn that we are powerless, not only in our use of alcohol but in every area of our lives. The solution to our alcoholism, a vital spiritual experience addresses all of our needs...Thank you so much...Armand
ReplyDeleteArmand this was a reading that made my eyes grow bigger and bigger with every sentence. This is me Armand, I am the problem therefore I will never solve the problem. It is been 2 and a half years since I realized the fact I am alcoholic. I have made a choice this past week to leave my occupation for a month and enter outpatient rehab facility. I did this because I know I am the problem and I can not fix the problem. I truly believe that a concious contact with God will save my soul from my alcoholic fate. I have learned from you to look inward to find that connection. I believe this rehab may give me some tools to calm my human instincts and impulses, where I can finally find God within myself. I pray I am at a brinking point of surrendering. I pray I will finally make that connection. I pray that someday I can help another alcoholic find his connection.
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ReplyDeletePaul place sobriety above all else and hence a personal relationship with God and you will be healed...Thank you for your comment...Armand
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