Friday, March 27, 2015
An Admission Is Required
Step One in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous REQUIRES AN ADMISSION to our innermost self that we are alcoholic. As difficult as this is, I could see the progression not only in the amount of alcohol I consumed but also the negative effects the alcohol was having on my physical body and my daily life. This occurred after I said "I am alcoholic" and had a desire not to drink. But that desire had no power and I had to make an admission that I was powerless over alcohol and that my life had become unmanageable. I drank twice in my first seven years in AA, once over a relationship and once over a business deal. These are excuses as the real reason I drank is that I wanted to as I had one foot in and one foot out of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.
In Chapter Five of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous entitled "How It Works" it states "rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program." I chose not to thoroughly follow the path and I did not completely give myself to this simple program as I am defiant by nature. The result of which was the first time I relapsed into one drink. That drink lasted for thirteen months. The second time I relapsed on one drink it lasted for ninety days. The second time I took that one drink I had not been practicing the program on any level for three years.
It is true that an admission is required. It is true that I must admit complete defeat. It is true that my life is unmanageable. It is true that I must admit to my innermost self that I am alcoholic. It is true that I must surrender to the program of AA. Once I have made these admissions and surrender myself to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous I must integrate the program of AA into my life in such a way that it becomes my life and maybe, just maybe, for the first time in my existence I will have a life... a real life.
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Admitting that I was an alcoholic was the easy part for me. Accepting my devastating weakness and all it's consequences wasn't. I was deeply soul-sick and couldn't see or understand the depth of my sickness and its effect on my family. I wanted to be sober, however, more than I wanted to drink. That, in itself, was a powerful feeling. I had hope for the first time. I was a defeated drinker. When asked if I were willing to go to any length to get and stay sober, I answered yes. But, in truth, only The Big Book pointed me beyond sobriety to recovery. Needing a path to follow and a program by which to live my life was a necessity for me. In the process of learning that through integrating The Steps into my life, I found a Great Power Within me and developed a personal relationship with That Power which is the highlight and essence of recovery today. Each of us has different path in leading our daily lives but the path to recovery is singularly outlined for all of us in AA's Big Book and Twelve Steps.
ReplyDeleteMichael well said and thank you so much for sharing your valuable experience...Armand
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