Transformation

                          In the chapter "There Is A Solution" in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous it states "observations would be academic and pointless if our friend never took the first drink thereby setting the terrible cycle in motion.  Therefore the main problem with the alcoholic centers in the mind rather than in the body.  So although it is true that an alcoholic has a physical allergy, of more importance is the mental obsession."
                  Alcoholism is a unique disease in that it is two fold.  I have a physical allergy which ensures that each and every time I put alcohol into my system, I'll get sick, I'll get drunk, I'll get into all kinds of trouble.  But of even more importance I have a mental obsession which ensures that even though I don't want to drink, sooner or later my mind will tell me it's ok, I'll put the alcohol into my system I'll trigger the physical allergy and I'll get drunk again.
                  Dr. Silkworth, the medical benefactor of Alcoholics Anonymous in the letter he supplied to AA suggests that the thought processes of the alcoholic mind have to be TRANSFORMED.  The letter goes on to state that this TRANSFORMATION of thought must occur and is essential if an alcoholic is to recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body.  In Bill's story he says "simple but not easy, a price had to be paid.  It meant destruction of self centeredness as we must turn to the Father of Light who presides over us all."  A clear description of the TRANSFORMATION of thought that must occur.
                 This TRANSFORMATION of thought was difficult for me even though I understood that it must occur.  The difficulty was that initially I had no understanding of the power and pervasiveness of my human nature and how all encompassing it is.  I felt a lot of fear in attempting to let go of my mind which was propelled by my human instinct as it was all that I had ever known.  But it is here, in this time and at this moment, when I want to let go and know I need to let go that I must trust in God so that through the grace of Him the TRANSFORMATION of thought may occur. 

An Admission Is Required

                     
                 Step One in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous REQUIRES AN ADMISSION to our innermost self that we are alcoholic.  As difficult as this is, I could see the progression not only in the amount of alcohol I consumed  but also the negative effects the alcohol was having on my physical body and my daily life.  This occurred after I said "I am alcoholic" and had a desire not to drink.  But that desire had no power and I had to make an admission that I was powerless over alcohol and that my life had become unmanageable.  I drank twice in my first seven years in AA, once over a relationship and once over a business deal.  These are excuses as the real reason I drank is that I wanted to as I had one foot in and one foot out of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.
               In Chapter Five of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous entitled "How It Works" it states "rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program."  I chose not to thoroughly follow the path and I did not completely give myself  to this simple program as I am defiant by nature.  The result of which was the first time I relapsed into one drink. That drink lasted for thirteen months. The second time I relapsed on one drink it lasted for ninety days.  The second time I took that one drink I had not been practicing the program on any level for three years.
               It is true that an admission is required.  It is true that I must admit complete defeat.  It is true that my life is unmanageable. It is true that I must admit to my innermost self that I am alcoholic.  It is true that I must surrender to the program of AA.  Once I have made these admissions and surrender myself to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous I must integrate the program of AA into my life in such a way that it becomes my life and maybe, just maybe, for the first time in my existence I will have a life... a real life. 

Our True Malady

                    In the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous in the chapter "How It Works" it states, "The first requirement (for the taking of the Third Step) is that we be convinced that any life run on self will can hardly be a success.  Remember that we deal with alcohol cunning, baffling, powerful.  Without help it is too much for us.  But there is One who has all power - that One is God. May you find Him now!"  It also says "Selfishness - self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles... So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making... and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so.  Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness... And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid."
                 We have learned through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous that we have three basic instincts. These instincts are God given and necessary for life, but in me I can never get enough of what it is I think I need.  The great psychiatrist Sigmund Freud defines an instinct as "a bodily need manifested in our thought process".  So what occurs for us as an alcoholic is, our instincts manifest themselves in our thought process and triggers our self centered fear.  We learned through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous that alcohol is but a symptom of OUR TRUE MALADY. Any addiction is such. OUR TRUE MALADY is self-centered fear, afraid that we are not going to get what we want, afraid that we will lose what we have.  Once our fear is triggered we reach for our character defects in an attempt to satiate our instincts. The only problem is that in us we can never get enough of what it is that we think we need, then we run around chasing our tails creating havoc in our lives - but more importantly, havoc in the lives of everyone around us.  This is the functioning piece of Alcoholism.
                  As an alcoholic I have a compulsive need to defend my basic human instincts, often to an extreme.  This manifestation of my character defects is a result of my self-centered fear that permeates my life.  Alcohol is but a symptom of OUR TRUE MALADY.  OUR TRUE MALADY is self-centered fear.

Can't Solve The Problem With The Problem

                              A life lived to constantly fuel and satisfy desires.  To a protection of instincts that are warped by fear  and self absorption.  A life lived in defiance, self centeredness, extreme sensitivity and grandiosity.  A life that never could initiate and sustain true and honest relations with other human beings.  A life forever searching outside of myself and completely unaware that the solution to my problems lay within myself.  This life, fueled by fear and an insatiable desire in an  attempt to appease my human instincts became so intensely anxiety filled that I increasingly sought escape as a way to experience ease and comfort within myself,  A complete contradiction.  One of the forms of this escape was the increasing use of alcohol which eventually led to addiction.  An addiction I continually sought control of and increasingly found myself unable to do so.  This inability to control created a series of negative consequences in my life driven by a self will that knew no bounds.  I continually tried to address the problem of alcohol in my life with my internal drives, I was trying to SOLVE THE PROBLEM WITH THE PROBLEM.
                I was unaware that I have a unique disease in that it is two fold.  I have a physical allergy which ensures that each and every time I put alcohol into my system I'll get sick, I'll get drunk, I'll get into all kinds of trouble.  But more importantly I have a mental obsession which ensures that even though I don't want to drink sooner or later my mind will tell me it's ok, I'll put the alcohol into my system, I'll trigger the physical allergy and I'll get drunk again. .Time after time in using my mind to create a way to control my use of alcohol and always failing to do so has proven to me that I CAN'T SOLVE THE PROBLEM WITH THE PROBLEM.
               The solution to our problem with alcohol and with every problem in our lives is a relationship with God through a vital spiritual experience tempered and enlightened by prayer and meditation.  This experience will occur in our lives through the integration of the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous in such a way that they become our life.  Then, THE PROBLEM WILL BE SOLVED.                 

Humility With Serenity

                The Fourth Step is the beginning of a process in which we list our resentments, fears and sexual conduct on a four column inventory to determine the exact nature of our wrongs.  Step Five is, "admitted to God to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.  In many great spiritual traditions a deep introspective period is necessary and Alcoholics Anonymous is no different.  The purpose of which is to discover within ourselves what it is about ourselves that is keeping the grace of God from our lives. Then a confession, our Fifth Step, for a sense of relief  from the shame and guilt is common.  If we are to overcome our alcoholism, a review and admission of our defects is necessary.
                The chapter Into Action in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous states, "we shall be more reconciled with discussing ourselves with another person when we see why we should do so.  The best reason first. Time after time newcomers have tried to keep to themselves certain facts about their lives.  Trying to avoid the humbling experience, they tried easier methods.  Almost invariably they got drunk.  Having persevered with the rest of the program, they wondered why they fell.  We think the reason is they never completed their housecleaning.  They took inventory alright but held onto the worst items in stock.  They only thought they had lost their egoism, they only thought they had humbled themselves in the sense we find it necessary until they had told someone all their life story."
               All the steps of AA are humbling but none more so than the Fourth and Fifth Steps.  To tell someone the deepest, darkest side of ourselves is a very humbling experience.  Along with it comes a sense of relief.  For maybe the first time in our lives we are free of the shame and guilt that we have carried within ourselves for years.  There is a sense of serenity.  The Step Book of Alcoholics Anonymous says, "when HUMILITY is combined with SERENITY a great moment is apt to occur," and for me it was the presence of God in my life for the first time since I was a little boy.
               If we are willing to do a complete Fourth Step as outlined in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous followed by a complete and honest Fifth Step, HUMILITY will intersect with SERENITY and we will know a peace that we have never before experienced.          

Written by Armand

Trust In God

                
                There is an old Biblical story that I can relate to and it has to do with having  TRUST IN GOD.  When the Jewish people left Egypt "The Exodus" God had prepared a land for them, The Promised Land.  The Promise Land was an eleven day journey from Egypt.  When they arrived Moses sent a scout from each of the twelve tribes to explore The Promised Land and report back.  They reported that the area was magnificent, a land flowing with milk and honey but the people there are powerful and the cities well fortified.  Whats more, we saw giants seven to nine feet tall.    This caused fear in the people   The only scouts willing to face their fears by  TRUSTING IN GOD  were Caleb and Joshua who were willing to enter The Promised Land.  The Jewish people decided not to enter.  For the next forty years the Jews wandered around in the wilderness until all those who were over twenty at the time had died.  Once again they stood at The Promise Land and only Caleb and Joshua who were over twenty from forty years ago were allowed to enter as they had been willing to face their fears by  TRUSTING IN GOD.
                I have had my exodus from alcohol and I am tired of wandering around in the wilderness and I am done.  I am facing my fears by  TRUSTING IN GOD  and I am entering The Promised Land.  A land of serenity, peace and joy and yes, I am ready.  I came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Sponsorship

                        I have had the privilege of working with many people in Alcoholics Anonymous.   I have worked with all walks of life, male and female, rich and poor, young and old, believers and non believers, Christians, Jews and Muslims.   I do the same thing with everyone.  I always have the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous between them and me.   I simply open the book and we begin reading at the preface.  As we read the book we discuss the material.   I don't change anything for anyone.  The solution, a vital spiritual experience is the solution regardless of what their problem may be.in addition to their alcoholism.   Obviously if someone has mental problems, additional help is necessary for them.   I never tell anyone what they must do as I just follow the material and incorporate the Twelve Steps as we move through.   A practice that can be replicated by anyone.   
                   I know that my behavior is being observed.   Not just whether I can talk the talk but more importantly can I walk the walk.   Am I practicing the principles of AA?   In the forward of the book The Twelve And Twelve it says "the Twelve Steps are a group of principles, spiritual in nature, which if practiced as a way of life can expel the obsession to drink and enable the sufferer to become happily and usefully whole."
                   The following is what they see in me, I am responsible.   When asked to take someone through the book of Alcoholics Anonymous, I say yes.   I never consider whether I have enough time,.  I simply just make it work.   There isn't a greater exercise one can participate in than to help another recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body.  Nothing.  We meet once a week for an hour and I only cancel if I have a family matter or if I am doing step work with another.   My emotional state rarely if ever changes one week to the next as I am serene and at peace.   I never prepare for a meeting as I am dependent upon and trusting in God.   Again, I never tell another what they must do as it is their recovery, it is their relationship with God.  I am the example not the taskmaster.
               When we live this life in AA  we become happily and usefully whole.  Let us share in this legacy.  

Become The Being God Created

                     When I first walked through the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous I had no idea what to expect.  Quickly, I was able to see what worked in others, a belief in and dependence upon God.  As Bill once said "would I have it?  Of course I would."
                  The Sixth Step Of AA is "we were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character."  We have learned through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous that alcohol is but a symptom of our true malady, our true malady is self centered fear,  afraid that we are not going to get what we want, afraid that we are going to lose what we have.  Once our fear is triggered we reach for our character defects in an attempt to satiate our human instincts.  The dictionary defines defect "as the lack of something necessary for completion or perfection."
                  We learned in the Fourth Step that we needed to find out what is it about us that is keeping the grace of God from our lives.  It is there that we discover the exact nature of our wrongs as we made a list of our defects.  In the Fifth Step we confessed our character defects.  Now in the Sixth Step we are entirely ready and willing to have these defects removed.  Again it is my character defects that are keeping me from the perfection of God, from becoming the human being God created me to be, instead of a person that is self centered and selfish who cares only for their human desires and what they think they need in life.  A person who is willing to use almost any means necessary to fulfill their desires.
                  With all of our human flaws we  BECOME THE BEING GOD CREATED  us to be when we turn from our human nature and surrender to the will of God.

The Root Of The Problem

                 It is my experience with my character defects that I can realize, recognize, set boundaries and apply cognitive therapy and behavioral modification till the cows come home and all I am doing is applying a band aid to a festering sore.  Instead we have to get to THE ROOT OF THE PROBLEM.  Our character defects exist in our human nature and certainly not in the will of God.  Therefore, if we are willing to perform the work necessary for the spirit to be awakened within us by living in the back half of The Eleventh Step which is "praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out"  then our character defects can't possibly manifest in our behavior.  This power must come from God as our human nature will only try to sustain our selfish desires.  Then we have pulled THE ROOT OF THE PROBLEM.
                   I have learned through experience that I must turn from my human nature and live in the will of God if my character defects are not to exist in my behavior.  In Alcoholics Anonymous there is a well used expression which is "let go and let God."  The let go part is that we will no longer have our thought process propelled by our human instinct and the let God part is that hereafter, we surrender to the idea that God will propel our thought process through inspiration.  Inspiration is defined as "the thoughts of God implanted in the mind and soul of man."  When this transformation of thought has occurred, THE ROOT OF THE PROBLEM has been healed.