The literature of Alcoholics Anonymous says "as alcoholics our
egomania digs two disastrous pitfalls, either we insist on dominating
people or we depend upon them for to much. If we lean to much on people
they will sooner or later fail us, for they are human to and cannot
possibly meet our incessant demands. In this way our insecurity festers
and grows. When we habitually try to manipulate others to our own
willful desires they revolt and resist us heavily. Then we develop hurt
feelings, a sense of persecution, a sense to retaliate. As we redouble
our efforts at control and continue to fail, our suffering becomes
acute and constant. We have not sought to be one in a family, to be a
friend among friends, to be a worker among workers, to be a successful
member of society. Always we tried to struggle to the top of the heap
or to hide underneath it. This self centered behavior blocked a
partnership relation with anyone of those about us. Of true brotherhood
we had small comprehension."
It is in the letting
go of self and trusting in God that allows us to accept others as they
are and allows us to relinquish control. The greatest gift I have
received from the program of A.A. is to have true and honest relations
with those around me. We can learn how to interact with others through
our interaction with God in the Eleventh Step. We can learn how to love
and how to allow ourselves to be loved We can learn not to interact
with other peoples personalities which we can like or dislike, but
rather to interact with that part of them that is good, that is God.
It is in the letting go of self and in the trusting in God that allows
us to accept others as they are and ourselves as we are. This allows
us not only to relinquish control but to have no need or desire to
control.
Having no sense of self, I proceeded through life exactly as described, either intent on dominating or seeking a place to hide. As is alcoholically typical, I was good at nether. Thus, all my relationships were defective and my life was empty despite the presence of countless unopened gifts. Today I know that a sense of purpose follows a sense of belonging and leads to a sense of self. In AA, for the first time, I learned to identify with others rather than to compare through either pride or fear. Through the Twelve Steps, I was able to experience the rewards of seeking others instead of the relentless seeking of self. The ultimate gift of recovery has been in finding me through you.
ReplyDeleteMichael alcohol is but a symptom of our problem, our problem is self centered fear, afraid that I am not going to get what I want, afraid that I will lose what I have. The solution to our illness of self centered fear is a vital spiritual experience. Once received our trust in God is absolute and along with that trust comes an inbred ability to let go with no need or desire to control. Thank you so much for your comment...Armand
ReplyDeleteI'm still learning how to be loved, and to love unconditionally as He does all of us. I didn't know I wasn't allowing myself to be loved until I began the steps of THE AA program. I was also unaware of how much love I had to give out to others. I was hidden beneath the rubble of self-centered fear - so deeply in fact that I could not see anything or feel anyone or even pray to the God I now know and trust because I was surrounded by blocks - blocks I had built around myself to "protect" myself from myself and others. Everything was about me. Everything was about how uncomfortable I felt in my own skin, how I lurked in a dark corridor not knowing all the light outside was there all along. I was ignorant to all that was good because my disease emptied me of truth. But my call came when I started to pray and know Him - trust Him even - to break down the barriers with me so I could give my love and be loved and, in turn, live. Living now is unlike living before my journey of this program. Each day I get to live I do so with a clarity in my soul which I see the world through- a gift I do not credit myself for - but know is the work of something bigger and more powerful - God.
ReplyDeleteCaitlin just love when you wrote "But my call came when I started to pray and know Him better - trust Him even - to break down the barriers within me so I could give my love and be loved and, in turn, live." You so clearly describe the transformation of thought that must occur if one is to recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. A transformation that can only occur when we trust completely in God...Thank you....Armand
ReplyDeleteAs a result of the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous I now can see the folly of my ways. Control is a big part of my human nature.
ReplyDeleteIt had become instinctive. I'm living my life so differently, things that used to matter to me no longer matter, and things that didn't have now become so much a part of my everyday awareness. Prayer is the ultimate communication , it sets the pace for all my interactions with my fellow men & women. No longer do I need to control them and I now can see whom is consciously or unconsciously attempting to control me. Living in the will of God I can now see these things. I have no need to control others now .Recognition of people's control instincts , whether it is presented to me in their actions or even in their conversation , I'm now able to recognize these things . Without judgement I'm able to be free of other personalities being that there is no engagement with
Others personalities . I must pray for everyone, and look for the good in all. My decisions are now based on my relationship with God and inspiration , not due to the instinct of control. Whether it be me controlling or allowing others to control me ! I'm free of all this now. Thank you A.A. ! Peace and love to all !
Don no need to be controlled by others and no need or desire to control others is a direct result of a conscious contact enlightened through prayer and meditation...Thank you...Armand
ReplyDeleteAmen my brother !
ReplyDelete