Today I was reminded of the work of Dr. Tiebout, a pioneering figure in the treatment of alcoholism and early supporter of Alcoholics Anonymous. He concurred that "the characteristics of the so-called typical alcoholic are one who is narcissistic with an egocentric core, dominated by feelings of omnipotence and intent in maintaining, at all costs, their inner integrity." In a careful study of a series of cases regarding the alcoholic by Sillman, Dr. Tiebout reported that Sillman felt he could discern the outlines of a common character structure among problem drinkers and that the best terms he could find to describe said group were, "defiant individuality and grandiosity." Tiebout concurs with Sillman and states, "...inwardly the alcoholic brooks no control from God or man. The alcoholic is and must be the master of their destiny." Tiebout continues, "...granted the more or less constant presence of these character traits, it is easy to see how the person possessing them has difficulty in accepting spirituality and God. Spirituality, by its demand that the individual acknowledge the presence of God, changes the very nature of the alcoholic. So, if the alcoholic can use the spiritual tools of recovery and accept the concept of the presence of a power greater than themselves, then he or she by that very step modifies presently and possibly permanently his or her deepest inner structure and when done so without resentment or struggle then they are no longer typically alcoholic." In my own experience with the disease of alcoholism, the belief in God in and of itself is not enough, as I had always had a belief in God. That belief must also carry with it the component of TRUSTING in God to the point of making a decision to turn my will and my life over to His care. All we have today is contingent upon our relationship with God - in this day and in this moment.
Written By Armand
As Dr Tiebout outlines it, the primary characteristics of all alcoholics are the manifestations of a deeply disturbed nature. We wind up narcissistic, grandiose and defiant to the core for a reason. In my experience, that reason is that I possessed no real core other than the fear-based one who/which drank. I was completely self-centered yet completely without a center of self. It was only by integrating all Twelve Steps into my life that I was able to find a core in the presence of The Power Within me. Through that process, my very nature was changed. I had to have spiritual tools in order to do the work which awakened my spirit. The Big Book program of recovery provided those tools. As a result, I know that there has been a change of the nature within me. While my human nature still exists, it is powerless over my divine inner nature. From self-loathing to self-loving - a supernatural transformation.
ReplyDeleteMichael love "I was completely self centered without a center of self."...Thank you....Armand
DeleteYes, I lived out that hyper exaggerated delusional belief in my own importance. Justifying every unrestrained journey into my God given appetites, but with an unholy zeal that deliberately left God out of the equation. Thus, I carried a bottomless layer of gilt and shame... terrified by the ever-present fear of having my true self discovered and my inner "daemons" exposed. There was… no real good in me to be found. To be honest, there was no me at all. Just a self created caricature, a mere bundle of personas alternately exercised to gain the acceptance and ultimate possession of the person, place or thing I craved.
ReplyDeleteYet, through all this the effects of God's presence were everywhere and all about me. In overheard conversations, the undeserved random kindness of strangers, witnessed displays of true love and affection, the majestic design of the natural world, a baby's furtive glance. That was the life I craved to fully participate in, in fleeting moments of sanity. But I knew it would only came about if I could summon the courage to completely surrender to God and His simple plan. A courage I simply didn't possess. A courage that could only be given by a Divine hand.
Gods gift of faith was finally given as I reached out in desperation that drove me to my knees and the Ultimate Author of that vision. Once given and received I finally began to apprehend the real and radical change encountered in "How it Works." I asked for His protection and care with complete abandon... and as I surrendered that wretched life at His feet, all the accumulated gilt and shame of 37 years fled into infinity... And miraculously, in its place, now resides the sublimely serene very Holy Spirit of God. The memory of that first encounter is as fresh in my mind as it was some 37 years ago. Today, I'm strangely thankful I discovered alcohol and the inevitable misery it brings. Without it, I would never have walked through the doors and into the fellowship of AA. I would have never encountered the Steps that lead to the "Peace of God that surpasses all understanding." (Philippians 4:7) I would never have come to know my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. And, my beloved brother, neither would you.
A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic
A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic as you say my experience was that I presented to the world what I thought the world needed to see so that I could feel good about myself. No peace to be found there....Thank you...Armand
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