I have learned through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous that I have three basic instincts: a social, a sexual and a security instinct. These instincts are God given and necessary for life, but in me I can never get enough of what it is I think I need. The great psychiatrist Sigmund Freud defines an instinct as, "a bodily need manifested in our thought process.".
Through the twelve steps I have learned that alcohol is but a symptom of our true malady - our true malady being self-centered fear. We are afraid that we are not going to get what we want and that we are going to lose what we have. Once our fear is triggered we reach for our character defects in an attempt to satiate our instincts, but we can never get enough of what it is we think we need. We are then left running around, chasing our tails, creating havoc in our lives but, more importantly, havoc in the lives of everyone around us. This malady of self-centered fear is the functioning piece of alcoholism and any other ism.
The solution to the disease of addiction is a vital spiritual experience. We must give life to our relationship with God. How? By letting go of our human nature so our thought process is no longer propelled by our instincts, but rather by the will of God through inspiration,
Written By Armand
Written By Armand
As alcoholics, our ability to function, or even malfunction, is striking evidence of the enormous strength of our will and the power of our defiance. As I understand it, all humans are endowed with the same three instincts. We all want to feel safe, approved of, and loved. It is fear that separates me from the free world - ultimately understood only by my fellow sufferers. It is only by integrating all Twelve Steps into my life in such a way that they become my life that I can function safely, contentedly, and lovingly. The price for the prize is steep and love-of-life-encroaching. But the rewards of recovery have lifted the hopeless into hopeful and the loveless into loving, the self-centered into centered in self.
ReplyDeleteMichael. A changed life evidenced by our behavior in the present...Thank you...Armand
ReplyDeleteI have had only a few spiritual experiences in my life: first time I met my wife, the birth of our children, the death of my father. But only the spiritual experience AA gave me guided me to the spiritual LIFE I received when God gave me the grace to see my alcoholism for what it was doing to my earthly life. The program of AA introduced me to the spiritual life here on earth. I didn't have to wait to die to know God. My vital spiritual experience was necessary for my to peak through the curtain and be willing to follow this program. My spiritual experience was preceded by a mountain full of pain to get my undivided attention. In order for me to maintain my sobriety, I must know continue to develop my spiritual life so I can do the will of God in this life. The Kingdom of God is here and now. But we must grow in our relationship with Him in this world through doing his will so we can rest in Him in the next. My spiritual experience and the program of AA allowed be to see the narrow path we must all find to live in the Kingdom of God in this life and the next.
ReplyDeleteJim as you speak to so well eternal life may be experienced in this life...Thank you...Armand
ReplyDeleteI've lived out that hyper exaggerated delusional belief in my own importance. I justified every unrestrained journey into my God given appetites with unholy zeal. I deliberately left God out of the equation. The result? I was a hollow, walking, talking bottomless layer of gilt and shame, terrified by the ever-present fear of having my true self discovered and inner "daemons" exposed. There was... no real good in me to be found. To be honest, there was no me at all. Just a self created caricature, a mere bundle of personas alternately exercised to gain acceptance and ultimate possession of the person, place or thing I craved.
ReplyDeleteYet, the effects of God's presence were everywhere and all about me. In overheard conversations, the random kindness of a stranger, witnessed displays of true love and affection, a baby's furtive glance. That, was the life I craved in fleeting moments of sanity.
It was the impossible desire of becoming a part of that world that finally drove me to my knees in absolute surrender to the Ultimate Author of that vision. I finally began to apprehend the radical change encountered in "How it Works." I asked for Gods protection and care with complete abandon and as I laid that wretched life before Him, all the accumulated gilt and shame of 37 years fled into infinity... And miraculously, in its place, in this heart of a still imperfect man, now resides the Person of very Holy Spirit of God. The memory of Gods conversion of that sick and self-centered caricature into a God centered man is as fresh in my mind today as it was some 35 years ago. I'm strangely thankful I discovered alcohol and the inevitable misery it brings. Without it, I would never have walked through the doors and into the fellowship of AA. I would never have accepted the Steps that lead to the "Peace of God that surpasses all understanding." (Philippians 4:7) I would never have come to know my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. And, my beloved brother, neither would you. It is the one true miracle of life that renews itself every day..
A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic
A Gratefully recovering Alcoholic love 'the Peace of God which surpasses all understanding." So true...Thank you...Armand
DeleteSelf-centered fear is the core of my alcoholism/addiction problem, the "functioning piece" as you well put it. What then is the key piece of my recovery? A vital spiritual experience, yes, but what exactly does that consist of? As my sponsor always says, the "active ingredients" of recovery are found on p. 27 of the Big Book, in the words of Dr. Jung: "Ideas, emotions and attitudes which were once the guiding forces of the lives of these men are suddenly cast to one side, and a completely new set of conceptions and motives begins to dominate them." Today I know that my old ideas, emotions and attitudes boiled down to a feeling that "I don't have enough," "I'm not going to get enough," and, fundamentally, "I am not enough." Today, having done the steps of AA and with God's help, I know that I am one of God's kids, we each have a right to be here, my needs will be provided for like everybody else, and, yes, "I am enough."
ReplyDeleteDan I like that this kid is playing in the same sand box as you...Thank you...Armand
DeleteHi Armand, My email seems to be coming in again. Today's blog was excellent to read, and question oneself,
ReplyDeleteand others as to instincts and how they surface, and attract defects in our character, Fear is the operative word
and "how much fear comes in and operates within us to change our character, and we bull-doze ahead to get
what we want when we want it, and as you said, "....creating havoc in our lives, but more importantly, havoc in the
lives of everyone around us, The malady of self-centered fear is the functioning piece of alcoholism and any other
"ism"........". Again, quoting your last paragraph: " The solution to the disease of addiction is a vital spiritual
experience. We must give life to our relationship with God. How? By letting go of our human nature so our thought
process is no longer propelled by our instincts, but rather by the will of God through inspiration. "
This blog is a very worthwhile condensation of what the alcoholic can do to practice & pray, exercise, read history of AA,
and much more. It would make a great hand-out to others somewhere in the reading of Step 3. the work done on Step 4.,
and again and again. Thank you, Armand. Very fine, indeed 00
Irene
Irene Thank you...Armand
ReplyDelete