Step One in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous requires an admission to our innermost self that we are alcoholic. As difficult as this is, we see the progression not only in the amount of alcohol we consumed but the negative effects the alcohol was having on our bodies and on our lives. This realization comes after we declare, "I am an alcoholic" (or "I am an addict") and after we had a desire not to drink and not to use. We had to make an admission that we were powerless over alcohol, over drugs, over our reckless behaviors, and that our lives had indeed become unmanageable. We drank, used, and behaved the way our disease willed us to and so many of us relapsed time and time again over events and circumstances in our lives. The happenstances of our lives are only excuses as the real reason we lapsed was because we only wanted or had one foot in the program, and one foot out of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.
In Chapter Five of the "Big Book" of Alcoholics Anonymous entitled "How It Works" states, "Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program." We can chose not to thoroughly follow the path and so we do not completely give ourselves to this simple program as we are so very defiant by nature. The result of such defiance is relapse (if we are lucky, death if we are not).
It is true that an admission is required. It is true that we must admit complete defeat. It is true that our lives are unmanageable. It is true that we must admit to our innermost self that we are alcoholic, that we are addict, that we are amok with disease. It is true that we must surrender to the program of AA. Once we have made all of these admissions we must integrate the program of AA into our lives in such a way that it becomes our life. Then maybe, just maybe, for the first time in our existence we will have a life... a real life...a joyful, loved-filled life.
Written By Armand
Written By Armand
Yes, an admission was the first positive movement toward recovery. Moreover, it was the first meaningful movement toward myself. Admission overcame escapism and led to acceptance. It took alcohol's merciless beating to bring me to my knees and then to my innermost self. The absence of anything integral or permanent within me paved the way for the awareness and admittance of The Power Within me for which alcohol had become a sorry substitute. It was only by then integrating all Twelve Steps into my life in such a way that they became my life that I was reborn in a very real way. The journey from broken-down me to the man I was born to be was guided by a knowing/caring sponsor and the chapters of The Big Book. That combination of wisdom, love, experience, and persistence became the restorative process through which I found what was lost and which now must be gratefully given away.
ReplyDeleteMichael love when you wrote " an admission was the first meaningful movement towards myself."...Thank you...Armand
DeleteOne of the best pieces of information in the Big Book is on Page 417 regarding acceptance. I did recognize I did not drink normally for a long time, even understood I drank "like" an alcoholic. It was obvious my life wasn't going well, actually it was getting progressively worse. Doctors were beginning to take parts of my body out of me because they were damaged by alcohol. But I still did not accept that I needed to actually do anything about it. In the back of my mind I thought I could grow out of the habit of blacking out every night. It wasn't until my wife stopped complaining about my drinking did it begin to shake me up enough to the fact I might need to get some help. By some reason I can not begin to explain, I decided to go through what I thought I would never do, which is go to an AA meeting. The second I walked into the room, I knew this was the next right thing. That was all I needed. That was Grace.
ReplyDeleteJim when the enabling stopped the drinking stopped. Funny how that works...Thank you...Armand
DeleteThis crucial admission is one of the toughest parts of recovery, and sometimes one of the most misunderstood. I go to lots of meetings where I hear people cheerfully declare that they have acknowledged they are alcoholics and therefore they simply "don't drink or use no matter what." Problem solved! Unfortunately the information in the Big Book points in a different and more unsettling direction: it says that due to my mental obsession with alcohol, the frightful day will come when I WILL drink or use "no matter what." My so-called will power is of practically no avail. On my own, I don't have the power to resist the first drink. Lack of power, that is my dilemma-- and the AA program exists to give me that power. Some of the most important words in the Book are found on page 45, clearly describing the purpose of the Book and the program: "Well, that's exactly what this book is all about. Its main object is to enable you to find a Power greater than yourself which will solve your problem." My admission of powerlessness over drugs and alcohol must be in a spirit of total surrender-- I must acknowledge that I don't have the power to lick this thing. Then the Big Book Program of Recovery becomes much more attractive to me-- as attractive as a life preserver to a drowning man.
ReplyDeleteDan you described the problem and the solution so well...Thank you...Armand
DeleteThis article is one of a kind, so helpful.
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Teresa welcome to the home of tge drunks with a book and a belief. Please continue to comment...Thank you...Armand
ReplyDeleteArmand,
ReplyDeleteIt was my base instinct for survival that compelled the first surrender of my whirlwind tour of dark and unbridled animal appetites to the Father of Eternal Light. As my journey continues the mist's of mystery slowly to dissolve. I have been pulled from the wilderness and placed on a path, a very narrow path, a road less traveled. Yet, for perhaps the first time in my life I am instinctively at peace with the sure knowledge that no matter how fearful the path may at times appear, the ultimate destination is secure. A true Miracle...
My Guide knows my fears, faults and failures all too well but He also knows the deep desires of my heart that brought me to this place and wishes to make them a living reality. He recalls to my heart the words of Chapter 5, "We asked His protection and care with complete abandon." And I sense I'm about to further plumb the depths and breath of the meaning of "complete abandon", but no longer out of desperation, but a conscience act of the will. I drop to my knees and fervently seek the One who has placed me here. Who lovingly reminds me that I have abandoned my desire to become my own worst nightmare and continue to walk in the light of His perfect purpose for which I was created.
He reminds me "It's a simple program" that I all too often fearfully make complex. He speaks into my heart that "My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness." I need only place my weaknesses, doubts and fears before Him and failure is replaced by forgiveness and fear is replaced by an ever deepening faith. He is my Constant Compass and His Word and Spirit my one true and only source of security in every insecurity, and sanity in this seemingly insane world. To walk with Jesus, to finally gratefully accept the love He so freely gives and share it with another is the greatest gift I've ever received and the truest reason and purpose for my being.
A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic
Hello Armand,
ReplyDeletethanks for this Aug. 8th posting, ' An Admission Is Required'. Your thoughts on admission, challenge one to the real heart & soul of getting down to the fierceness, & beauty of God's truth in us,,,,,, always there inside me, wanting to be, who I already am, but still caged by' stimulation' which
only weakens my path to joy & freedom to love myself, and all human beings on this planet! The Will of God asking you to surrender to yourself
and others, arousing : (anger; rage; victim behavior; proof of God's power; love; but also God's punishment; ' not there for me', and On &On) So, what's left? To read and understand & feel deeply this offering sent by Armand, in his blog, A Ladder to the Above, 8/8/19. Armand's last paragraph is "the Way". Thank you, Armand. God bless you. Peace. Be Still. Irene B.