Eleventh Step is the lifeline for the alcoholic. "Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for the knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry it out." Prayer and meditation were not something I initially incorporated into my practices of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. Why? I don't really know. The only answer that I can come up with is that at some level I was still defiant, egotistical and lacked the humility necessary to pray and meditate daily. I was talking the talk but not walking the walk. I had worked the previous steps well and certainly to the best of my ability. I was excited by the program of AA and all the promise it held for me but I have learned through experience that the human nature is a strong foe, unwilling to pray and meditate daily to improve on a conscious contact with God. I had taken many people through the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. I had read the first 164 pages of the Big Book hundreds of times and attended so many meetings that I can't begin to guess how many. But prayer and meditation at the level necessary to perceive and do God's will, well that was not in my thoughts and therefore, not on my agenda.
Then one day, after a decade of sobriety, I came home from the gym and stepped out of the car experiencing such sever pain that I fell to the ground. I was unable to move for what seemed like such a long time but in reality was only a minute or so. I had suffered from back problems most of my adult life but I had never experienced such severe pain. The subsequent M.R.I. disclosed seven herniated discs, an arthritic spine, spinal stenosis, degenerative vertebrae and a degenerated left hip. This left me unable to function. I spent the next twelve months of my life incapacitated, ten months of which I was unable to sit as I had to stand or lay. The medical community offered me a solution of surgery with a 15% chance of some improvement, heavy blood loss and five to six hours on the operating table. The surgeon said that the surgery was so difficult that he would only encourage it if I could no longer tolerate the pain.
I was directed to a kind and loving doctor who has the ability to identify emotional blocks that prevent healing. After some months of treatment and with some improvement he said to me as I was lying on the table, "I am picking up energy of a resentful nature." As soon as he said this I instantly and clearly identified my mom, my dad, and my sister - all of whom I had made amends to and prayed to forgive but at some level deep down inside the cells of my body I was unable to bring about the healing needed to release this resentful energy.
When I returned home I immediately began to pray and meditate and did so on a daily basis as I was unable to function, in severe pain and incapable of complete forgiveness for my family. After several days I experienced a forgiveness for my family emanating from deep within. This experience of forgiveness, through the grace of God, was brought about by the daily practice of prayer and meditation. On the 14th of June in the year 2001, while meditating, I knew for the first time in my life that my life was worth something. I had never had that feeling before. At the age of 54, after 11 years of sobriety, I had self esteem. My prayer for you is that if you haven't already you will incorporate daily prayer and meditation into your life
Written By Armand
In The Eleventh Step, I learned that conscious contact was something I had to achieve in order to live in peace and usefulness. Prayer and meditation were the keys to that state of being, and I was inept/ineffective at both. Yet I loved AA and came to understand that I had to incorporate the first Ten Steps into my life if I were establish that connection which would then be immediately available. In prayer I learned to pray only for His Will for me - nothing else. In meditation I learned to visit with my own divine spirit through The Power Within me. In that combined process I was enabled to know and feel conscious contact. Without it, I may never have acquired the power I need in order to reach myself and to "carry it out."
ReplyDeleteMichael thank you so much for your experience articulated so beautifully...Armand
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ReplyDelete11. "Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out." Every step is in the order it is for a reason and Step 11 is no exception. All are written in the past perfect tense in the form of a testimony and as such forms a collective deposition and map of a journey on the road less traveled as the journey itself becomes the destination inspired and ultimately, through Gods grace, fervently desired. It is; in its entirety, God's gift to everyone who is willing to embrace the immutable truth of His Word and undeniable Presence of His Person the moment I made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I then understood Him.
While the old desires are being systematically swept away as the result of the previous steps. Step 11 recognizes my new inner thirst to nurture and surrender to this ongoing and ever broadening relationship with the Creator, Maintainer and Lover of my soul. I am becoming His new creation. I begin to recognize that I'm no longer my own. Amazingly, I discover that not only have I been accepted by God but that, wart's and all, I've been called to become a disciple, that is, a follower of the One who initiated this divinely desired relationship moment by moment as I pass through this life no longer hemmed in by space and time. And although it was always a part of His great plan, I realize that my personal epiphany began the instant I first admitted I was an alcoholic and that my life had become unmanageable, and that, as the poet has written, "has made all the difference", for I am convinced that the Creator of All continues to lovingly conform every aspect of this life into His perfect personal prayer and eternal vision.
Any personal confusion over the principal priority for my life dissolves as His ultimate plan and purpose is made immediately clear in the very core of my being. Having once and forever been saved I'm now called to be a disciple, and yes, an evangelist, that is, a witness to the Source of Eternal Truth to all those still trapped inside the insatiable, desperate loneliness of a life without hope and a world without love to the only true Source of eternal serenity, peace and rest. "That one is God, may you find him now".
A Grateful Recovering Alcoholic
Thanks for sharing!Love it!Thank you!
A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic love when you wrote "I begin to recognize that I am no longer my own." That I willingly offer my nature to the will of God...Thank you...Armand
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ReplyDeleteHere is my response. Enjoyed reading the post. 🙏🏻
I seek the knowledge of God’s will for me and the power to carry it out. I often become confused and overwhelmed when having to make decisions big and small. I truly want to do god’s will; as I know that my will often is when I make decisions out of fear. When there is doubt, maybe it is not god’s will. I pause, pray and seek guidance. I do my best to be quiet and listen. In stillness I can find peace and remember in this moment I am ok.
I am not always going to know what to do, I am living and growing along spiritual lines, I am going to make mistakes and that is ok, progress not perfection.
I can sit quietly in times of disturbance. I need to be still and listen. My intellect wants to figure it out. I don’t need to struggle, I can simply surrender, let go and trust.
I can remember that I am on the basis of trusting and relying upon God. We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves. We are in the world to play the role he assigns.
Jessica experience is a great teacher. Know this: the solution for our alcoholism is a vital spiritual experience. Live there and the cofusion abates...Thank you...Armand
DeleteArmand,
ReplyDeleteYour sharing is stunning, and it moves me to be thorough in my prayer times, and in my meditation times -- that means, clarification on" my praying for",
and listening for God's sound & word to me -----I need to lovingly embrace my soul every prayer, and meditation session, for it is One of the Keyes to
our Eternal lives. God is Magnificent, Your life's story is for me right out of the bible. Your service to AA members, is from God's Heart to the human race,
one soul after another, one creation after another.................Irene B.
Irene you are always much to kind to me but thank you for your words...Armand
DeletePowerful story Armand about the power of prayer, and a good reminder that "resentment is the number one offender." I too failed to pray and meditate for some years-- or rather I prayed, but constantly said "I don't know how to meditate." I meant to learn how, but never quite got around to it. Finally I learned (from the Joe and Charlie tapes) that the word "meditation" had a different meaning in 1939 when the Book was written. The Eastern concepts of meditation, involving freeing the mind of conscious thought and concentrating on the breathing, sometimes with a mantra, had not yet penetrated to the Western world in those days. So the "meditation" spoken of in the Eleventh Step was originally something more like "contemplation" or "deep thought." I decided I could do that, and began incorporating a few minutes of quiet contemplation, usually with some piece of AA literature, into my morning routine. I loved it so much I began to do more and more of it, and began to reap the benefits: more peace, more serenity, less emotional upset throughout the day. Today prayer AND meditation is an important part of my life.
ReplyDeleteDan love the history. Something I was unaware of...Thank you...Armand
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