The chapter on the fourth step in Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions describes our dysfunctional relations well: "But it is from our twisted relations with family, friends, and society at large that many of us have suffered the most. We have been especially stupid and stubborn about them. The primary fact that we failed to recognize is our total inability to form a true partnership with another human being."
I went through my entire life unable to interact with others on an intimate level. I was incapable of allowing others to experience me as I truly was and I was unwilling to allow others to share with me their own true self. I would present to the world what I thought the world needed to see about me so I could feel good and safe about myself. In the past, the relationships I did have were of the type which, when I was done taking that which I wanted from them and them from me, the relationship was over. I was incapable of FORMING AND SUSTAINING RELATIONSHIPS in an honest and caring way with other human beings.
The greatest gift I have received from developing a personal relationship with God is the ability to interact with other human beings at an honest and true level - therefore forming and sustaining relationships that are caring and loving, loyal and trust-giving. My landing on such soil from which these relations sprout was done simply, but not easily, by going through the twelve steps of the program of AA. This can occur for any who return to the being God created and meant for them to be. When this does occur, human potential is maximized and becoming a recovered, unbroken being is completely possible.
In the program of recovery, I found that in order to have effective relationships with others, I had to first have an effective relationship with myself. A defective me was incapable of being effective at any level of my existence - family, work, friends. In The Sixth Step, I became entirely ready to have my defects removed. Without initiating (Six) and completing (Seven) that process, my amends list and my amends themselves would have been hollow at best. The consequence would have meant that the world of the Spirit in Step Ten is a world I would never have known. But I do know that world and I do have a personal relationship with The Power Within me. Sustaining that relationship and the limitless benefits of doing so is directly dependent on my commitment/action in giving it all away. To give it is to keep it, and to keep it is to live in certainty and peace.
ReplyDeleteMichael our relations with other human beings is the result of our relationship with God...Thank You...Armand
DeleteUntil I found the program of AA, most of my life was spent worrying about the great question, "what do THEY think of me?" I was never quite sure who "they" were but I defined myself in relation to "them" and my self-esteem rose or fell-- mostly fell-- depending on how I thought I was doing in "their" eyes. Today, having walked the spiritual path of steps, I know that other people's opinion of me is none of my business-- and in fact, whoever "they" are, they're usually thinking only of themselves, not me. Today, having had a spiritual awakening, I think more about Him than "them." I pray only for knowledge of God's will and the power to carry it out. I clean house, trust God, help others. And when I keep it that simple, when I get my self-centered fear out of the way, I find as a by-product that I can even start to genuinely care about "them." For the first time, I'm more interested in what I can give, than what I can get. I start to be capable of having genuine and lasting relationships with other human beings, relationships that are built on mutual respect and honesty. But only when my most important relationship of all is firmly in place-- my relationship with a Higher Power.
ReplyDeleteDan love that your thought process went from worrying about what 'they' thought of you to caring about 'them.'...Thank you...Armand
DeleteFrom my earliest youth I was taught the Way, the Truth and the Light... but I chose a path littered with bleached bones and broken glass. Everyone and everything I encountered was another opportunity to satisfy the ever growing insatiable appetites of a wounded scavenger whose only true skill was deception. Lying was my life. My life was my prison. Drinking my futile attempt to escape from the carnage left in my wake and to justify creating another.
ReplyDeleteBut, somebody was praying for me. Perhaps it was a family member, perhaps it was a neighbor. Perhaps it was one of the many people I had harmed in my self-centered black hole of a life. But somebody was inspired by God to place me on their prayer list and having been miraculously delivered from a self imposed prison of misdirected survival skills that fund me at the precipice of an ignominious death, I was delivered. In the rooms of AA I have surrendered my life. I have passed my pen to the Master Planner and moved from prisoner to pilgrim.
It has not always been without struggle. Life is not a consistent encounter with rainbows and unicorns. I still must contend with the ever-present seductions of the world and though now graciously subdued, the ever present calling of the appetites of my flesh. But throughout every encounter His grace abounds. This new life is no longer dependent totally upon me. The internal struggle is no longer encountered alone and the mystery for managing the transition has now been laid before me with a simple clarity that only comes through an ever expanding relationship with the only True Source of Power, Light and Love.
That divine gift of willingness, that "Grain of a mustard seed of faith," spoken of in Matthew 19-20; is no longer light years away. My willingness now grows by every encounter with life's former problems and perplexities into a deep and abiding faith. I can now experience Gods people as true brothers and sisters and desired gifts from above, as every encounter reveals the only true touchstones of faith, love and compassion growing an unyielding devotion to the Author and Finisher of this new journey and the unspeakable richness of the mind and plan of God.
In Steps 4 and 5 The Author provided the Holy Spirit who now resides within me. He reminds me of the simple steps that first brought me to this place. He teaches that truth without love is pride and that love without truth is mere sentimentality. That the purpose of life and all of His creation is an eternal relationship by, with and through Him... When all around seems vexed and troubled. When confusion and conflict abound. He compels the surrender of every encounter within life's lesson plan and gently reminds it has been lovingly written into eternity, just for me, that I may continue to discover Him as He truly is.
A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic
A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic a relationship with God yields a bounty of Love for those around us. You said that so well...Thank you...Armand
DeleteHappy birthday Alcoholics Anonymous!
ReplyDeleteThe most beneficial fruits of the spiritual program AA program is my ability to develop and grow the most important relationships in my life. I believe what I have been developing are my spiritual muscles. These muscles have enabled me to tap into the Holy Spirit which was trapped inside me, and tamped down by my human instincts and fears. What I have been able to develop was to free the power inside me which also allows me to see the Holy Spirit in others. It is the connection of the Holy Spirit between human souls that gives me the sixth sense so I can see and hear with God's intention.
Jim welcome back.. You have been missed. Thanks for your insight...Armand
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