The day I stood in the parking lot drunk such a long time ago a most fortunate event occurred. I bumped into the only person I knew who was in AA. Such kindness he showed me - by speaking with me and taking me to my first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting that very night. It was there at that meeting that I raised my hand and said "my name is Armand and I am an alcoholic." Some seven years passed from that first night until I admitted complete defeat. Those seven intervening years proved difficult ones in my life as a direct result of alcohol. Fortunately, I did survive a bottom those seven years produced from which I could push up from.Since admitting complete defeat I have been blessed with a passion for the program of Alcoholics Anonymous which has given me a life, - a REAL life. I know that in order to keep that life I must give it away. In the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous it says, "the entire load must be given away." It also states, "Our very lives as ex problem drinkers depends upon our constant thought of others." In the rooms, when I see a newcomer or someone there for their first time to my home group I will walk up to them, shake their hand and introduce myself. When anyone in AA asks for help of any kind, and certainly when I am asked by someone to take them through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous by reading the Big Book together, I say "Yes" - as perhaps that is the day they receive their KERNEL of faith, as I once did when I was blessed by another's kindness. Through just a KERNEL of faith, maybe, just maybe, they will be on their way to recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body.
Written by Armand
Armand,
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing.
The "kernel" that first comes to my mind is humility... Without humility, any exercise of faith by this alcoholic is a very harmful proposition indeed. On the one hand I think of Moses, who believing he was born for a "special purpose" misappropriated his appointment with divine destiny, killed an Egyptian, fled to the desert, and was mercifully reduced to a shepherd for 40 years. Until, it is written, he "became the humblest man on the earth." It was only after he had learned to be a gentle and caring defender of a flock of sheep in the wilderness that he was deemed fit to be used by the Lord to lead Gods people to the promised land. And that with a patience and love for them that rivaled God Himself.
Then I ponder Saul of Tarsus, otherwise known as St. Paul, who acting out with self confessed rage, misplaced religious zeal and "persecuted the church of God and tried to destroy it."... That is, until his Damascus Road experience which wrought an instantaneous conversion resulting in the rebirth of arguably the greatest messenger of the gospel the world has ever known. In each of these examples, although hearts were broken and pride was crushed; the talents, personality, culture and even passions that formed their unique identity were preserved and even enhanced as their new personna's now possessed the right disposition toward God to be used by Him...
So wether my willingness to follow God's will takes forty years (it almost did), or occurs within an instant in time, it was true humility that opened the door to a faith that has lead to an ocean of Living Water and fathomless love, and like you, an almost indescribable empathy and deep desire to see that all who are seeking recoveries greatest gift humbly reach out and receive from God what is so freely given and can never be taken away.
A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic
A gratefully Recovering Alcoholic a life directed by the will of God is a real life worth living...Thank you...Armand
DeleteMichael C.
ReplyDeleteThough I wasn’t fully aware of it, that kernel has always been there, has always been a part of me. It lived within me in the form of a feeling, a quiet urge, the fundamental idea of something. A mystery of sorts - In its presence, I could feel its absence. Alcohol both calmed and impeded the search for it. But I instinctively knew it was essential. And so it is! Under the tyranny of alcohol, I found AA and the Big Book program of recovery. By integrating all Twelve Steps into my life in such a way that they have become my life, the kernel has revealed itself through The Power Within me. As you point out, this unsuspected inner resource is the source of all that is good, all that is worthwhile in life. Without question, however, it’s greatest gift is in giving it all away.
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Michael love when you wrote "this unsuspected inner resource is the source of all that is good."...Thank you...Armand
DeleteI love this entry. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteNoreen You are welcome...Tnanks...Armand
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