I have learned through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous that I have three basic instincts: a social, a sexual and a security instinct. These instincts are God given and necessary for life, but in me I can never get enough of what it is I think I need. The great psychiatrist Sigmund Freud defines an instinct as, "a bodily need manifested in our thought process.".
Through the twelve steps I have learned that alcohol is but a symptom of our true malady - our true malady being self-centered fear. We are afraid that we are not going to get what we want and that we are going to lose what we have. Once our fear is triggered we reach for our character defects in an attempt to satiate our instincts, but we can never get enough of what it is we think we need. We are then left running around, chasing our tails, creating havoc in our lives but, more importantly, havoc in the lives of everyone around us. This malady of self-centered fear is the functioning piece of alcoholism and any other ism.
The solution to the disease of addiction is a vital spiritual experience. We must give life to our relationship with God. How? By letting go of our human nature so our thought process is no longer propelled by our instincts, but rather by the will of God through inspiration,
Written by Arman
To enable my thought process to no longer be propelled by my instincts is a herculean but essential transformation if I am to recover from my true malady. Upon reflection, it makes sense: if my thoughts are controlled by my fears, I will continue to make wrong decisions, bad decisions, too many decisions. Further, my relationships will suffer from a basic lack of understanding by a principal participant in them - me. As a result, chaos of some sort is sure to follow and my human nature will continue to be contaminated. In this manner, however, I will continue to "function." In my experience, only by incorporating The Steps into my life until they become my life have I been relieved of this insufferable yet functionable weight. It is absolutely no way to live. The program of recovery as clearly delineated in The Big Book is the way to live for me and for millions of other defeated drinkers who have found The Power through The Steps, the way of the powerful.
ReplyDeleteMichael the bonus of the transformation of thought is a softened loving heart...Thank you...Armand
DeleteI've lived out that hyper exaggerated delusional belief in my own importance. I justified every unrestrained journey into my God given appetites with unholy zeal. I deliberately left God out of the equation. I was a hollow, walking, talking bottomless layer of gilt and shame, terrified by the ever-present fear of having my true self discovered and inner "daemons" exposed. There was... no real good in me to be found. To be honest, there was no me at all. Just a self created caricature, a mere bundle of personas alternately exercised to gain acceptance and ultimate possession of the person, place or thing I craved.
ReplyDeleteYet, the effects of God's presence were everywhere and all about me. In overheard conversations, the random kindness of a stranger, witnessed displays of true love and affection, a baby's furtive glance. That, was the life I craved in fleeting moments of sanity.
It was the impossible desire of becoming a part of that world that finally drove me to my knees and the Ultimate Author of that vision. I finally began to apprehend the radical change encountered in "How it Works." I asked for His protection and care with complete abandon and as I laid that wretched life before Him, all the accumulated gilt and shame of 37 years fled into infinity... And miraculously, in its place, in this heart of a still very imperfect man, now resides the very Holy Spirit of God. The memory of that first encounter is as fresh in my mind as it was some 30 years ago. Today, I'm strangely thankful I discovered alcohol and the inevitable misery it brings. Without it, I would never have walked through the doors and into the fellowship of AA. I would have never encountered the Steps that lead to the "Peace of God that surpasses all understanding." (Philippians 4:7) I would never have come to know my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. And, my beloved brother, neither would you.
A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic
A Grateful Recovering Alcoholic it is true that in your problem your purpose can be found and for us that is so in Alcoholics Anonymous...Thank you...Armand
DeleteThis is irrespective of the gender. In the US, which has the largest number of substance abusers in the world, it has been found that school and college dropouts take to drugs for the sake of experience that joyful and euphoric feeling,and that is to compensate for the failure in their academic life. So, these are some of the factors that one needs to introspect, to stay sober for the rest of the life.
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