There was a day, such a long time ago, I stood in a parking lot drunk and the fortunate event that occurred as I bumped into the only person I knew who was in A.A., the kindness he showed me by speaking with me and by taking me to my first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting that night was God given. There I raised my hand and said "my name is Armand and I am an alcoholic." Some seven years passed from that first night until I would admit complete defeat. The intervening years produced some difficulty in my life as a direct result of alcohol, but fortunately I did survive and those seven years produced a bottom I could push up from.
Since that time I have been blessed with a passion for Alcoholics Anonymous which has given me a life, a real life, and I know that in order to keep it I must give it away. In the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous it says "the entire load must be given away." It also states "our very lives as ex problem drinkers depends upon our constant thoughts of others." In the rooms, when I see someone who is new or if it is someone's first time at our home group, I will walk up to them, shake there hand and introduce myself. When anyone in A.A. asks for help of any kind I give it. Generally the help they ask for is to be taken through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous by reading the Big Book and working the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous together. I always say yes as perhaps this is the day they will receive their Kernel of faith as I once did when I was blessed by the kindness of a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. With a Kernel of faith, perhaps, just maybe, they will be on their way to recovering from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body.
Written By Armand
It is my experience that alcoholics should be introduced to the notion of the kernel as early on in recovery as possible. As Dr. Silkworth expressed, some form of moral psychology is of "urgent importance" to alcoholics, even at the height of our addiction. In The Big Book we learn that down deep inside of every man, woman, and child rests the fundamental idea of God. That, to me, is the very kernel that is capable of raising us from the spiritually dead. As with any other seed, the kernel must be fed and fostered through the incorporation of The Twelve Steps into our lives until that process transforms us into the persons we were born to be. From that kernel can come the wholeness we are meant to live, love and experience as the suprahuman beings we, in actuality, already are.
ReplyDeleteMichael when the good Lord breathes life into the Kernel you so beautifully described we live the life God Created us to live...Thank uou...Armand
DeleteThank you for your description of your surrender moment. While mine was physically different, it was spiritually the same. For some reason we were blessed for enough time from the fog of our mental obsession and physical allergy for the light of the Holy Spirit to reach our souls with the right direction to start of on the journey. You were led to the only person you knew in AA. My moment of clarity came to me on Sunday, October 15, 2006 where I realize that I had lost the battle with alcohol and only God could save me. I was convinced and committed. For the first time in my life I realized surrender was the only option. I attended my first AA meeting and also announced I am an alcoholic. It was the first day of the rest of my life.
ReplyDeleteJim I thank God for your moment of clarity..Thank you...Armand
DeleteArmand,
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing.
The "kernel" that first comes to my mind is humility... Without it, any exercise of faith by this alcoholic is a very harmful proposition indeed. On the one hand I think of Moses, who believing he was born for a "special purpose" misappropriated his appointment with divine destiny, killed an Egyptian, fled to the desert, was mercifully reduced to a shepherd for 40 years. Until, it is written, he "became the humblest man on the earth." It was only after he had learned to be gentle and caring with a flock of sheep in the wilderness that he was deemed fit to be used by the Lord to lead Gods people to the promised land. And with a patience and love for them that rivaled God Himself.
Then I ponder Saul of Tarsus, otherwise known as St. Paul, who acting out with self confessed rage and misplaced religious zeal, "persecuted the church of God and tried to destroy it."... That is, until his Damascus Road experience and instantaneous conversion which resulted in the rebirth of arguably the greatest messenger of the gospel the world has ever known. In each of these examples although a heart was broken and pride was crushed; the talents, personality, culture and even passions that formed their unique identity were preserved and even enhanced as their faith now possessed the right disposition to be used by God.
So whether my willingness to follow God's will takes forty years (it almost did), or occurs in an instant in time, humility was the kernel that opened the door to a faith that has lead to an ocean of Living Water and fathomless love, and like you, an almost indescribable empathy and deep desire that all who are seeking recoveries greatest gift humbly reach out and receive what is so freely given and can never be taken away.
A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic
A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic humility is the key that unlocks the door to the grace of God...Thank you...Armand
ReplyDelete