The day I stood in the parking lot drunk such a long time ago a most fortunate event occurred. I bumped into the only person I knew who was in AA. Such kindness he showed me - by speaking with me and taking me to my first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting that very night. It was there at that meeting that I raised my hand and said "my name is Armand and I am an alcoholic." Some seven years passed from that first night until I admitted complete defeat. Those seven intervening years proved difficult ones in my life as a direct result of alcohol. Fortunately, I did survive a bottom those seven years produced from which I could push up from.Since admitting complete defeat I have been blessed with a passion for the program of Alcoholics Anonymous which has given me a life, - a REAL life. I know that in order to keep that life I must give it away. In the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous it says, "the entire load must be given away." It also states, "Our very lives as ex problem drinkers depends upon our constant thought of others." In the rooms, when I see a newcomer or someone there for their first time to my home group I will walk up to them, shake their hand and introduce myself. When anyone in AA asks for help of any kind, and certainly when I am asked by someone to take them through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous by reading the Big Book together, I say "Yes" - as perhaps that is the day they receive their KERNEL of faith, as I once did when I was blessed by another's kindness. Through just a KERNEL of faith, maybe, just maybe, they will be on their way to recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body.
Written by Armand
The mustard seed, the moral psychology, the fundamental idea, the kernel. My experience is that deep within us we all possess a greater good. The first step in locating that superhuman power lies in the awareness that it is there. The Big Book tells this truth straight-out in Chapter Four. "We found The Great Reality deep down within us.....it is only there that He may be found." Yes, I sensed the kernel from my earliest days on earth. It took alcohol and then the miracle of Alcoholics Anonymous to point me to The Twelve Steps. By incorporating these Steps into my life, I found that kindling Power Within me and within all of us. Thus, my aliveness sprang to a real life. The life I was born to live....and love.
ReplyDeleteMichael
Michael the awakening of the Spirit will occur by integrating the Twelve Steps into our life...Thank you...Armand
Deletermand,
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing.
The "kernel" that first comes to my mind is humility... Without it, any exercise of faith by this alcoholic is a very harmful proposition indeed. On the one hand I think of Moses, who believing he was born for a "special purpose" misappropriated his appointment with divine destiny, killed an Egyptian, fled to the desert, was mercifully reduced to a shepherd for 40 years. Until, it is written, he "became the humblest man on the earth." It was only after he had learned to be gentle and caring with a flock of sheep in the wilderness that he was deemed fit to be used by the Lord to lead Gods people to the promised land. And with a patience and love for them that rivaled God Himself.
Then I ponder Saul of Tarsus, otherwise known as St. Paul, who acting out with self confessed rage and misplaced religious zeal, "persecuted the church of God and tried to destroy it."... That is, until his Damascus Road experience and instantaneous conversion which resulted in the rebirth of arguably the greatest messenger of the gospel the world has ever known. In each of these examples although a heart was broken and pride was crushed; the talents, personality, culture and even passions that formed their unique identity were preserved and even enhanced as their faith now possessed the right disposition to be used by God.
So wether my willingness to follow God's will takes forty years (it almost did), or occurs in an instant in time, it was that first kernel of humility that opened the door to a faith that has lead to an ocean of Living Water and fathomless love, and like you, an almost indescribable empathy and deep desire that all who are seeking recoveries greatest gift humbly reach out and receive what is so freely given and can never be taken away.
A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic
A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic humility is the key that unlocks the door to the grace of God...Thank you...Armand
DeleteArmand I love your description of a most fortunate event. I have had many of those usually at my lowest ebb and usually in the form of a God sent ‘angel.’ Because this is an illness that can get me any which way it can I have to be constantly on the program and not take a day off. My kernal was in November 1989 with my first call to A.A. but it wasn’t until June 1991 that I finally reached bottom from which I pushed forward. Alcoholism is a cunning foe and one to be treated with respect at all times.
ReplyDeleteAnne love when you said "God sent angel." Never thought of it as such...Thank you...Armand
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