The Fourth Step is the beginning of a process in which we list our resentments, fears and sexual conduct on a four column inventory to determine the exact nature of our wrongs. Step Five is, "admitted to God to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. In many great spiritual traditions a deep introspective period is necessary and Alcoholics Anonymous is no different. The purpose of which is to discover within ourselves what it is about ourselves that is keeping the grace of God from our lives. Then a confession, our Fifth Step, for a sense of relief from the shame and guilt is common. If we are to overcome our alcoholism, a review and admission of our defects is necessary.The chapter Into Action in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous states, "we shall be more reconciled with discussing ourselves with another person when we see why we should do so. The best reason first. Time after time newcomers have tried to keep to themselves certain facts about their lives. Trying to avoid the humbling experience, they tried easier methods. Almost invariably they got drunk. Having persevered with the rest of the program, they wondered why they fell. We think the reason is they never completed their housecleaning. They took inventory alright but held onto the worst items in stock. They only thought they had lost their egoism, they only thought they had humbled themselves in the sense we find it necessary until they had told someone all their life story."
All the steps of AA are humbling but none more so than the Fourth and Fifth Steps. To tell someone the deepest, darkest side of ourselves is a very humbling experience. Along with it comes a sense of relief. For maybe the first time in our lives we are free of the shame and guilt that we have carried within ourselves for years. There is a sense of serenity. The Step Book of Alcoholics Anonymous says, "when HUMILITY is combined with SERENITY a great moment is apt to occur," and for me it was the presence of God in my life for the first time since I was a little boy.
If we are willing to do a complete Fourth Step as outlined in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous followed by a complete and honest Fifth Step, HUMILITY will intersect with SERENITY and we will know a peace that we have never before experienced.
Written by Armand
The process of recovery is worth far more than just getting right with myself. It is in getting to myself where the gold ultimately exists. In The Fourth and Fifth Steps, the need to completely let go of myself begins to take hold, painfully at first, and then freeingly. The recognition of those defects that have prevented my spirit from being rightfully alive is an act of absolute necessity in my experience. Then, as you point out, the confession of those heretofore hidden flaws brings a sense of both relief and encouragement. In a sense, in these Steps I am enabling myself to say both goodbye and hello to my very existence. I am leaving the throes of my dark and negating nature for the golden companionship of The Power Within me. Reborn as the man I was originated to be. While I am not a miracle per se, the process of transformation within me is.
ReplyDeleteMichael C.
Michael love your comment "reborn as the man I was originated to be."...Thank you...Armand
DeleteArmand,
ReplyDeleteAnything less than the "complete surrender" of our personhood, that is, the very seat of our intellect, emotions and spirit to the very Person of God as "suggested" in the 4th and 5th steps will prove to be an absolute exercise in futility. Our failure to do so serves clear notice that we are still under the delusion that we may yet somehow possess the leverage to negotiate the "terms and conditions of our surrender" allowing us to carry on with our lives as though alcohol or any other substance abuse issue was our only problem and were it not for that "daemon rum" life would be just dandy. However, much like a marriage, the purpose of executing these steps in the presence of either an AA sponsor or other spiritual advisor is to have a temporal witness to this deeply spiritual transformation that brings about the birth of a new, eternal and sacred relationship between God, and in my case, man.
As long as this alcoholic entertained any thought or imagining that God wants me to climb back into the drivers seat and direct life's tour would easily come under the definition of insanity and the basic foundation of the mental meanderings of a megalomaniac. It reminds me of the bumper stickers I've seen that say "God is my Co-Pilot"... I want to run up to the driver and fervently encourage them to pry their fingers off the "wheel" and quickly swap seats, for although that type of thinking may provide a form of spiritual walk it completely lacks the internal Power of the Author and Finisher of the journey as we now mistakenly rely upon Him to accomplish our will with His power which He, in His loving mercy, will never allow. He will allow us to continue to experience the frustratingly painful consequences of a counterfeit journey until we finally surrender and place the keys of our lives into His perfectly capable hands. Simply put, This gratefully recovering alcoholic is incapable of personally generating one millivolt of the serenity spoken of in the Big Book. Never could, never will. But God can and will if He is sought.
Serenity, is a gift of God to all who "humble themselves and seek His face and turn from their wicked ways", For then His eyes shall be open and His ears attentive to the prayers of this place. And thus, He says, "I shall grant you a time of refreshment". That, my brother, is serenity.
A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic.
A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous tells us that the surrender must be complete and must occur in an absolute way...Thank you...Armand
DeleteHumility and serenity were not two things I had when I was drinking. More like the hideous four horsemen that I encountered every day, terror bewilderment frustration, despair. During the process of completing steps 4 and 5 with My sponsir I truly felt the peace that comes with the humility to tell someone and God my whole life story. It was then that the wreckage and blockage of the past started to be cleared and the channel between me and God emerged. The effect was as if those things that were blocking me from the sunlight of the spirit were physically removed from my soul. Bill certainly got this right in the Big Book.
ReplyDeleteAnne as you said so well clearing the wreckage of the past opens up the channel to God...Thank you...Armand
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