The literature of Alcoholics Anonymous says as alcoholics, " Our
egomania digs two disastrous pitfalls. Either we insist upon dominating the people we know, or we depend upon them far too much. If we lean too heavily on people, they will sooner or later fail us, for they are human, too, and cannot
possibly meet our incessant demands. In this way our insecurity grows and festers. When we habitually try to manipulate others to our own
willful desires, they revolt, and resist us heavily. Then we develop hurt
feelings, a sense of persecution, and a desire to retaliate. As we redouble
our efforts at control, and continue to fail, our suffering becomes
acute and constant. We have not once sought to be one in a family, to be a
friend among friends, to be a worker among workers, to be a useful member of society. Always we tried to struggle to the top of the heap, or to hide underneath it. This self-centered behavior blocked a
partnership relation with any one of those about us. Of true brotherhood
we had small comprehension."
It is in the letting
go of self and trusting in God that allows us to accept others as they
are and to relinquish control. The greatest gift I have
received from the program of A.A. is to have true and honest relations
with those around me. We can learn how to interact with others through
our interaction with God in the Eleventh Step. We can learn how to love
and how to allow ourselves to be loved We can learn how not to interact
with other personalities, which we can like or dislike, but
rather to interact with the part of them that is good, the part of them that is God.
It is in the letting go of self and the trusting in God that allows
us to accept others as they are (and ourselves as we are). This allows
us not only to relinquish control but to have no need or desire to
control at all.
Through the practice of the 10th & 11th steps of Alcoholics Anonymous we now find that we are free of codependency ! As you have stated Armand , " we relinquish control " whether it is by reforming or conforming to relationships . Things are just the way that they are. My relationship with God allows me to find serenity in the midst of calamity . There are times when things seem to be of disturbing nature when others negativity or my own forced situations to get out of hand. My life always had a pattern of either running full force into or running away from other people. When living in The Will of God I now can see that there is no need to mount an offensive or defensive position . No need to engage in personalities, just look for the good in all people, and have no expectations. Love and Tolerance is our code !
ReplyDeleteDon Love and tolerance is our code only made possible by surrendering our will to the will of God. There I can love without manifesting my self centeredness and I can display tolerance without attempting to do so...Thank you so much...Armand
ReplyDeleteWhile depending upon those I loved for my next breath I concurrently sought control over them. I expected my relationships to provide what I wanted the way I wanted and when I wanted and in this expectancy state I completely relied on my loved ones. I kept taking advantage of what came from relationships instead of putting into each all I had to give. Life was about manipulating, taking, then manipulating what or whom I took. Peoples, things, drugs, alcohol (anything but my soul and its undeveloped, exponential spiritual potential) were what I believed in and trusted to get through every piece of the day. Within I was only capable to will terror and fear, and for it my loved ones were punished with the destruction and mayhem I wrought. This was what it was to live in the void of ungodliness. To depend on self and its ego, or another's, only leads you deeper into your crypt of existence. Your freedom can only be divined in your act of unceasing surrender to God. His path for you is one out of the depths up onto the hill of Light. Trust that He will provide what you need through Love and, just possibly, you will be able to provide to others such a gift through Him.
ReplyDeleteCaitlin I loved when you wrote"Your freedom can only be divined in your act of unceasing surrender to God." Our freedom is a result of the integration of the Twelve Steps into our life. We are freed from the incessant demands of our insatiable instincts and the protection of them through the manifestation of our character defects. We trust in the grace of God to bring to us that which completes us no longer attempting to accomplish this by manipulation and control...Thank you..Armand
ReplyDeletePride, ego, fear, feigned charm - these were the pathetic tools I used in trying to exert and maintain control. At the same time and as a result, I was completely out of control. Nonetheless, I desperately hung on to me. When finally incorporating The Steps into my life, and with the guidance of a knowing sponsor, I learned that I had to completely let go of me in order to find peace, and to begin to live a life of purpose. The folly of control is that I had none until I abandoned myself to His Will for me and received the power from The Power to carry His Will out in my daily activities. What a beautiful, simple, seemingly-counterproductive-yet-far-from-it awareness! Freedom from the folly of self!
ReplyDeleteMichael In your comment on The Folly Of Control you said "The folly of control is that I had none until I abandoned myself to His will for me and received the power from the Power to carry His out in my daily activities." You so artfully articulated the solution to The Folly Of Control which is the exact solution to our alcoholism and every other problem in our life. The solution "a vital spiritual experience" was given by Dr. Carl Jung to Roland Hazzard in 1930. In that we must give life to our relationship with God. This is done by surrendering our will and manifesting God's will in our behavior...Thank you...Armand
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