Having shared the Fifth Step with myself and another human being, having exhibited a sense of humility, having acquired a clarity of mind
and a sense of peace I was encouraged and braced to complete the final piece of the
Fifth Step - to admit to God the exact nature of my wrongs. I
met my sponsor at a small chapel and felt in no way out of the ordinary until he swung
open the doors. I looked down the center isle to the
alter and became immediately aware of the quietness and the state of
holiness that existed. I froze and swallowed hard, realizing that in the next few moments I was going to experience the most
profound event of my entire life thus far. In that time, that place, and in that moment I was to seek the forgiveness of God for all I had done wrong in
the past. Together, my sponsor and I slowly knelt down and he prayed in the way that
only he knew. When he was done praying, I shared the exact nature of my
wrongs with God. I had completed the Fifth Step.
Since then I have participated in many Fifth Steps with alcoholics and addicts that I
have read the Big Book with. It is altogether a very humbling experience to be a
part of, making me feel most helpful as a human being and supplying a sense of wholeness to life. Recently I did a Fifth Step with someone and, as we were
leaving the Church, he said "I know that for centuries people like you
have helped people like me do exactly what we did today... but today was the day
that I had the opportunity to participate in it".
Yes, it is a remarkable experience to feel the nearness of God and to share
that with another. It is an experience that is not meant to be missed. It is a complete cleansing of the past and, in turn, receiving the gift of forgiveness and a clean
slate of life - all built upon a new relationship with God.
The Fifth Step required a full commitment to sobriety and recovery. I had to look beyond my wrongs to their exact nature. I found fear and pride lurking in every corner of my life. Those twin killers led to a propensity of deep behavioral defects. But it was in The Fifth Step that I recognized for the first time my broken and unhealed soul. I was riddled with shame and guilt so severe that I was unable to feel and know The Power Within me; the only Power that could make me whole and at one with myself. Becoming aware of this divine grace awakened my spirit and freed me from the hopeless prison of me. Both my housekeeping and my trust had to be complete.
ReplyDeleteMichael The Fifth Step is a humbling step but the intimacy exhibited and experienced is a very very special time in the lives of both the one sharing the one participating...thank you...Armand
ReplyDeleteI performed a fifth step several months prior to relapsing. Looking back in honest reflection, my mind had been in the process of clearing but there lacked a sharpness in my lucidity; I was gaining ground in my efforts of practicing humility but I did not breathe humbleness into each moment - or even each day; a sense of peace floated above and around me but did not silence the war within my tethered soul. I was on the edge of hell's cliff knowing unquestionably, and with all my heart, that if I jumped I would land in God's arms, but instead I began to climb down on my own, because my human intelligence had misgivings...I was distrustful. Now, because of the Grace He has bestowed upon me, I have another chance. I have chosen to learn and to move on WITH instead is AGAINST Him. Knowing very well my erroneous attitude is a defect that, with prayer and focus, does not need to manifest any longer, I can approach the steps as though they are steps to Heaven on Earth - treating them ever so delicately and respectfully.
ReplyDeleteCaitlin Thank you for sharing your personal experience with the Fifth Step. I myself drank twice in my first seven years in and around AA. I can make excuses but the reason I drank is because I am alcoholic and I had one foot in and one foot out of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. In How It Works it Says "half measures avail us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked His protection and care with complete abandon." The surrender of our nature to the will of God must be comlete and in every area of our lives. The Fifth Step is another opportunity for that complete surrender to occur...Thank you...Armand
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