Giving

            Initially, I had no idea that to possess the qualities many of the members of Alcoholics Anonymous possessed took a degree of humility...the characteristic I had none of, as I was extremely prideful. Humility is now a characteristic I long to possess.
            The book Alcoholics Anonymous Comes Of Age goes into detail about the historic visit paid to Bill W. from Ebby T. (his old boarding school mate almost committed for alcoholic insanity). Ebby was sober and came to share with Bill what had happened to him.  He outlined to Bill the precepts of the Oxford Group, one of which applies to humility,  explaining he was told to practice giving - the giving of yourself to others.
           Personally, I have learned that it is humility which unlocks the door to the grace of God.  In order to grow in humility I must begin to let go of my selfish desires and begin to have a faith in God which eventually blossoms into a complete trust in God.  Trust in God is initially difficult, as through the course of my life I used my instincts and my intellect to propel me through.  But when I was faced with a self-imposed crisis I could not overcome with my own human power, I had to rely on a Higher Power. 
          As the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous says, "We trust in infinite God rather than finite self."  Today, in this day and in this time, I trust in God.  The development of this trust in God leads to a caring of others that was not possible for me before.  An alcoholic who is humble enough to trust in God knows that the Giving of self, through the helping of others, is a critical tool of recovery.  

Inspiration

                  In the chapter Into Action in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous it says "In thinking about our day we may face indecision.  We may not be able to determine which course to take.  Here we ask God for INSPIRATION, an intuitive thought or decision.  We don't struggle.  We are often surprised how the right answers come after we have tried this for awhile.  What used to be the hunch or the occasional INSPIRATION gradually becomes a working part of the mind.  Being still inexperienced and having just made conscious contact with God it is improbable that we are going to be inspired at all times.  Nevertheless, we find that our thinking will, as time passes be more and more on the plane of INSPIRATION.  We come to rely upon it."
               It is in the conscious contact with God  that INSPIRATION may be received.  It is where a recovered alcoholic lives.
               INSPIRATION is defined in the dictionary as the thoughts of God implanted in the mind and soul of man.  When the thoughts of God is received in my soul I don't need to run them by my intellect, as I know immediately that they are the truth.  The question becomes, is my human nature surrendered to the will of God in this moment so that I am capable of receiving God's thoughts or is my thought process propelled by my human instinct.  A recovered alcoholic lives by INSPIRATION as their thought process is propelled by the will of God.
 

Am I Entirely Ready

          The Sixth Step of Alcoholics Anonymous is, "Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character".  The original draft of the Big Book used the word "willing" instead of the words "entirely ready".  I found it helpful to incorporate both into my Sixth Step, so that I had the willingness to be entirely ready.
           As an alcoholic, giving up control is awkward and strenuous - I would rather apply some sort of cognitive therapy or behavioral modification to control my defects.  But practicing that method is like applying a band-aid to a festering infection, it does nothing.  Control of defects is not the snag, but rather that our human defects are not to exist in our behavior, as it is our defects that are keeping us from the perfection that God seeks in us.  God seeks for us to be the human being that He created us to be, thereby able to maximize our human potential. 
           When we are in the will of God our human character defects, which exist only in our human nature, cannot possibly manifest themselves in our behavior.
           Yes, I am willing to be entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. 

A Fifth Step Story

          Having shared the Fifth Step with myself and another human being, having exhibited a sense of humility, having acquired a clarity of mind and a sense of peace I was encouraged and braced to complete the final piece of the Fifth Step - to admit to God the exact nature of my wrongs.  I met my sponsor at a small chapel and felt in no way out of the ordinary until he swung open the doors. I looked down the center isle to the alter and became immediately aware of the quietness and the state of holiness that existed.  I froze and swallowed hard, realizing that in the next few moments I was going to experience the most profound event of my entire life thus far.  In that time, that place, and in that moment I was to seek the forgiveness of God for all I had done wrong in the past.  Together, my sponsor and I slowly knelt down and he prayed in the way that only he knew. When he was done praying, I shared the exact nature of my wrongs with God. I had completed the Fifth Step.
           Since then I have participated in many Fifth Steps with alcoholics and addicts that I have read the Big Book with. It is altogether a very humbling experience to be a part of, making me feel most helpful as a human being and supplying a sense of wholeness to life.  Recently I did a Fifth Step with someone and, as we were leaving the Church, he said "I know that for centuries people like you have helped people like me do exactly what we did today... but today was the day that I had the opportunity to participate in it".
           Yes, it is a remarkable experience to feel the nearness of God and to share that with another. It is an experience that is not meant to be missed. It is a complete cleansing of the past and, in turn, receiving the gift of forgiveness and a clean slate of life - all built upon a new relationship with God.

Humility As A Recovery Tool

          The basis of all twelve steps of Alcoholics Anonymous is humility, the spirit of which is necessary as our egos must be deflated.  Admitting to our innermost self that we are alcoholic, learning to trust in God and making a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God are all steps on the road to humility.  In the Fourth Step, identifying who we are and acceptance of what that means is ego deflating and humbling.  But for me, the biggest step in accepting humility, but not the last, was the Fifth Step - in which I shared my Fourth Step list, the deepest darkest side of myself, with myself, God and another human being. 

          In the Seventh Step we offer all of ourselves, the good and the bad, to God to do with us as He would have us do so that our human character defects do not manifest themselves in our behavior.  Another step in humility occurs as we go out and make our amends, reconciling the wrongs we have done in the past.  And finally in the Eleventh Step, where a recovered alcoholic resides, praying only for the knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out, can only be performed with a humble spirit.
       
          It is humility which unlocks the door to the grace of God. Only through a humbled spirit may we recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body.  Humility is absolutely necessary.   

Admit And Accept

          In the Step Book it tells us that a continuous look back at our liabilities and a real desire to grow by those means are necessities for us. We alcoholics have learned this the hard way. More experienced people, in all times and places, have practiced unsparing self-survey and criticism. The wise have always known that no human being can make much of their life until self-searching becomes a regular habit - until one is able to ADMIT AND ACCEPT what is found. 
          Through my daily inventory I can now admit and accept that my character defects are a part of my human nature, a part of my nature that cannot manifest itself if I am living in the will of God. I have come to understand that my human nature is defected and I must accept this about myself.
          In the program of Alcoholics Anonymous it is often said "let go and let God."  The "let go" part is turning from the incessant prompts of our human nature and the "let God" part is living in and thereby manifesting the will of God.  In the will of God, the raw nature of God, our character defects cannot be manifested in our behavior and it is here that our nature can be perfected as we become the human being that God created us to be.
          Self-survey is a most powerful tool of recovery.  

The Eigth Step - Another Chance To Pray For And Forgive

          As I began the fourth step of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous I faced the the four column inventory of my resentments, my fears and my sexual conduct.  My sponsor suggested that I begin TO PRAY FOR AND FORGIVE all of those on all of my lists.  In the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous there is a prayer for each of these lists - three prayers in total.
          The Eighth Step of Alcoholics Anonymous,  "Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all" is yet ANOTHER CHANCE to pray for and forgive all those on my lists and to begin doing the same with any new situations that may arise.  We are already in possession of an Eighth Step list - extracted from our Fourth Step inventory.  As we begin to pray for and forgive we are also indeed making a beginning on Steps Eleven and Twelve.
          Prayer and forgiveness are essential tools if we are to recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body  We learned in the Fourth Step that resentments toward others is the number one offender to a relationship with God, as we are called to love all, although we are never to be accepting of evil.
          The Eighth Step provides for us ANOTHER CHANCE TO PRAY FOR AND TO FORGIVE all those on our lists. This is necessary in order to bring the Spirit into our Ninth Step amends,      

The Folly Of Control

        The literature of Alcoholics Anonymous says as alcoholics, " Our egomania digs two disastrous pitfalls. Either we insist upon dominating the people we know, or we depend upon them far too much.  If we lean too heavily on people, they will sooner or later fail us, for they are human, too, and cannot possibly meet our incessant demands. In this way our insecurity grows and festers.  When we habitually try to manipulate others to our own willful desires, they revolt, and resist us heavily.  Then we develop hurt feelings, a sense of persecution, and a desire to retaliate.  As we redouble our efforts at control, and continue to fail, our suffering becomes acute and constant.  We have not once sought to be one in a family, to be a friend among friends, to be a worker among workers, to be a useful member of society.  Always we tried to struggle to the top of the heap, or to hide underneath it.  This self-centered behavior blocked a partnership relation with any one of those about us.  Of true brotherhood we had small comprehension."
         It is in the letting go of self and trusting in God that allows us to accept others as they are and to relinquish control.  The greatest gift I have received from the program of A.A. is to have true and honest relations with those around me.  We can learn how to interact with others through our interaction with God in the Eleventh Step.  We can learn how to love and how to allow ourselves to be loved   We can learn how not to interact with other personalities, which we can like or dislike, but rather to interact with the part of them that is good, the part of them that is God.
              It is in the letting go of self and the trusting in God that allows us to accept others as they are (and ourselves as we are).  This allows us not only to relinquish control but to have no need or desire to control at all.