Having shared the Fifth Step with myself and another human being,
having exhibited a sense of humility, having acquired a clarity of mind
and a sense of peace I was emboldened to complete the final piece of the
Fifth Step. That is to admit to God the exact nature of my wrongs. I
met my sponsor at a small chapel and initially I was fine until he swung
open the doors to the chapel and I looked down the center isle to the
alter. I became immediately aware of the quiet and the state of
holiness about. I froze for a moment and swallowed hard. I fully
realized that in the next few moments I would experience the most
profound event I had ever participated in. In this time and in this
moment I was to seek the forgiveness of God for all I had done wrong in
the past. We slowly knelt down and my sponsor prayed in the way that
only he can and when he was done praying I shared the exact nature of my
wrongs with God. I had completed the Fifth Step.
Since then I have participated in many Fifth Steps with people that I
have read the Big Book with and it is such a humbling experience to be a
part of. It is when I feel the most helpful as a human being and the
most complete. Recently I did a Fifth Step with someone and as we were
leaving the Church he said "I know that for centuries people like you
have helped people like me do what we did today, but today was the day
that I had the opportunity to participate in it."
Yes it is a special experience to feel the nearness of God and to share
that with another. It is an experience that is not meant to be missed.
A complete cleansing of the past, a sense of forgiveness and a clean
slate of life coupled with a new relationship with God.
In sharing this story, Armand, I am inspired once again by God through another human being - a vessel so graciously doing His will. What I experienced in admitting to God all the wrongs of my ailing human nature was the relief one would feel when an unbearably heavy pile of rubble is slowly lifted off them. I could barely breathe with the weight of my resentments and fears and anxieties crushing me one of top of the other. But in admitting to God all that I had to admit, I felt Him slowly lifting the weight of my scarred human nature, and with each breath I took I breathed in more light and everlasting spirit. The weight that had been crushing me was lifted and what was once underneath the pile of rubble was now a soul filled with love and patience and beauty without the burden of fear. My soul had ALWAYS been there, just hidden, and I knew because of its rejuvenation I would never again have to bury myself under the hell of my past.
ReplyDeleteI agree that the event itself is a magnificent and humbling experience for both of those present. To have this cleansing memorialized gives it an unforgettable sanctity and a life-changing connection. Beyond the event itself, the taking of Step Five enabled me to focus on two key areas of cleansing: shame and guilt. By identifying these two spiritual killers and by letting go of them in the process of taking the Step, the thunderous weight of me was lifted and a new sense of self was felt. I will never forget that day or the freedom it represents. The Big Book warns that shortcutting this Step can be devastating to our sobriety and spiritual growth. It is, as you point out, something which should not be missed.
ReplyDeleteCaitlin Thank you for sharing your Fifth Step experience. As one who was Blessed to be with you in the Church on that wonderful day, the rebirth of your soul is obvious in your behavior. Continue to seek and do God's will and you will live a life you only dreamed of...Thanks again Caitlin...Armand
ReplyDeleteMichael A sense of relief for anyone sharing the exact nature of their wrongs and a sense of fulfillment for the sponsor involved which only occurs in their sharing in the grace of God...Thank you...Armand.
ReplyDeleteThis Comment Is From A Grateful Recovering Alcoholic
ReplyDeleteBless you again for sharing your personal experience of that miraculous event I was so blessed to have witnessed. Especially the all too real feelings of impending doom that precede this most holy conversation. But the floor beneath doesn't droop away, nor do we plunge head first into some fiery pit of self imposed eternal damnation. Remarkably, we are met instead by a tidal wave of limitless Mercy, and Love beyond speaking. We discover that the very God of eternity, the One whom we had cursed, rejected and at times despised has been all the while; patiently, watchfully and yes joyfully waiting in that very place to reunite with His errant child.
Before we utter a word we discover He envelops the humble attitude of our hearts with a Love and Compassion beyond telling. But, like the "Prodigal" written of in Luke 15:11-32 we continue our "confession" anyway, even as waves of forgiveness wash away every remaining spec of gilt and shame associated with our past. And as we receive Him in our hearts we discover He has already received us in His, as our only Savior and Lord. In that eternal instant we become, literally... A new creation.
But the encounter isn't finished... It's only just begun, for He imparts to us not only Peace in His presence but an unquenchable desire to encounter Him more completely, and to exercise the power contained in the newly discovered gifts He has bestowed as fully embraced and lovingly cherished members of His eternal family. We discover that the heretofore insurmountable and mysterious wall that once concealed the "Simple" in the "Program of AA" has been removed, completely swept away by the unseen Hand of God who created us to experience this very moment and many more yet to be discovered. "Praise be to Him who's mercies endure forever" and thank you Armand, and everyone who has come after, for you're unbending desire, no matter the cost, to become His humble servant and a partaker of His ministry through the 12 Steps of AA that are inarguably grounded in the immutable Word of God and His Ho;y Spirit that gives eternal life.
A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic.
A Grateful Recovering Alcoholic
ReplyDeleteA remarkable description of an experience that is open to all who are willing to come This Way...Thank you so much...Armand