An Admission Is Required

 Step One in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous requires an admission to our innermost self that we are alcoholic.  As difficult as this is, we see the progression not only in the amount of alcohol we consumed but the negative effects the alcohol was having on our bodies and on our lives. This realization comes after we declare, "I am an alcoholic" (or "I am an addict") and after we had a desire not to drink and not to use.  We had to make an admission that we were powerless over alcohol, over drugs, over our reckless behaviors, and that our lives had indeed become unmanageable.  We drank, used, and behaved the way our disease willed us to and so many of us relapsed time and time again over events and circumstances in our lives. The happenstances of our lives are only excuses as the real reason we lapsed was because we only wanted or had one foot in the  program, and one foot out of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.

          In Chapter Five of the "Big Book" of Alcoholics Anonymous entitled "How It Works" states, "Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program."  We can chose  not to thoroughly follow the path and so we do not completely give ourselves to this simple program as we are so very defiant by nature.  The result of such defiance is relapse (if we are lucky, death if we are not).

          It is true that an admission is required.  It is true that we must admit complete defeat.  It is true that our lives are unmanageable. It is true that we must admit to our innermost self that we are alcoholic, that we are addict, that we are amok with disease.  It is true that we must surrender to the program of AA.  Once we have made all of these admissions we must integrate the program of AA into our lives in such a way that it becomes our life.  Then maybe, just maybe, for the first time in our  existence we will have a life... a real life...a joyful, loved-filled life.

Written By Armand

Primary Characteristics Of An Alcoholic

 Today I was reminded of the work of Dr. Tiebout, a pioneering figure in the treatment of alcoholism and early supporter of Alcoholics Anonymous.  He concurred that "the characteristics of the so-called typical alcoholic are one who is narcissistic with an egocentric core, dominated by feelings of omnipotence and intent in maintaining, at all costs, their inner integrity."  In a careful study of a series of cases regarding the alcoholic by Sillman, Dr. Tiebout reported that Sillman felt he could discern the outlines of a common character structure among problem drinkers and that the best terms he could find to describe said group were, "defiant individuality and grandiosity."  Tiebout concurs with Sillman and states, "...inwardly the alcoholic brooks no control from God or man.  The alcoholic is and must be the master of their destiny."  Tiebout continues, "...granted the more or less constant presence of these character traits, it is easy to see how the person possessing them has difficulty in accepting spirituality and God.  Spirituality, by its demand that the individual acknowledge the presence of God, changes the very nature of the alcoholic.  So, if the alcoholic can use the spiritual tools of recovery and accept the concept of the presence of a power greater than themselves, then he or she by that very step modifies presently and possibly permanently his or her deepest inner structure and when done so without resentment or struggle then they are no longer typically alcoholic."

                 In my own experience with the disease of alcoholism, the belief in God in and of itself is not enough, as I had always had a belief in God.  That belief must also carry with it the component of TRUSTING in God to the point of making a decision to turn my will and my life over to His care.  All we have today is contingent upon our relationship with God - in this day and in this moment.

Written By Armand

I Don't Know If It's A Good Thing I Don't Know If It's A Bad Thing

         Many centuries ago there was a kingdom and in this kingdom there lived a farmer. The farmer owned a beautiful white stallion.  The king of the kingdom desired the farmer's beautiful white stallion so he sent an emissary to the farmer who offered the farmer a quarter of the king's kingdom for his beautiful white stallion. The farmer said, "No, as I love my beautiful white stallion." The very next day the beautiful white stallion ran away and all of the people from the village came running out to the farmer saying, "What a bad thing that happened to you, you could have had a quarter of the king's kingdom and now your beautiful white stallion has run away."  The farmer said, "I don't know if it's a good thing, I don't know if it's a bad thing, all I know is my beautiful white stallion has run away." 

          The very next day the farmer was in his field when he looked up on the hill beyond and saw his beautiful white stallion.  Behind his beautiful white stallion were four more white stallions just as beautiful as his. All the people from the village came running out to the farmer saying, "It's a good thing you didn't trade your beautiful white stallion for a quarter of the king's kingdom, as now you have FIVE beautiful white stallions. You could probably get half of the king's kingdom now!"  The farmer said, "I don't know if it's a good thing, I don't know if it's a bad thing, all I know is I now have five beautiful white stallions." 

          The very next day the farmer's son was breaking in one of the wild white stallions when he was thrown from the stallion and broke both of his legs.  So now, all the people from the village came running out to the farmer saying, "What a bad thing that has happened to you. You need your son to work in the fields and now he can't as he has two broken legs."  The farmer replied, "I don't know if it's a good thing, I don't know if it's a bad thing, all I know is that my son has two broken legs." 

         The very next day the kingdom goes to war and all the able-bodied men are drafted into the army after which they will go to the front end and they will surely die. The farmer's injured son could not go as he had two broken legs.  So, all the people from the village came running out to the farmer saying, "That is a good thing that your son was thrown from the wild white stallion and broke both his legs, as he would have been drafted into the army, been sent to the front end and would have surely died."  The farmer replied, "I don't know if it's a good thing, I don't know if it's a bad thing, all I know is my son can't go as he has two broken legs."

          The moral of the story is that we are not to judge what is occurring in our life as "good" or "bad", but to have faith and trust in God, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
Written By Armand

No Need To Create A Past

The program of Alcoholics Anonymous has in place the fabric necessary to weave through and heal our character defects - whether they surface in our daily or our spot check inventories.  If and when necessary we use the Ninth Step which is, "Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others."  If we decide that an amend is necessary we immediately make it in an effort to live in the present. Only in the present can we be in the will of God, where His grace saves us from creating another past which we will need to extricate ourselves from. Once performed, we thread into the necessary fabric The Seventh Step, "Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings."  If our actions cause us to have any shame or guilt, we then use the Fifth Step of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, "Admitted to God, to ourselves and another human being the exact nature of our wrongs" so that we may be living in the present with a clean slate and a serene mind.

          If we are willing to take our inventories, make our amends, ask God to remove our defects, and share our wrongs with ourselves, God and another human being there will be NO NEED TO CREATE A PAST.  We will have the freedom to exist in the present - in the will of God.

          As alcoholics we have worked hard to free ourselves from our past. If we are willing to weave the program of Alcoholics Anonymous into our lives in such a way that it becomes our life than the creation of a past that, at least subconsciously, is having a negative effect on our present consciousness, will not occur. This is a critical tool in permanent recovery.

Written By Armand

The Fourth Dimension Of Life

In the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous it says, "We shall describe some of the states that precede a relapse into drinking, for obviously this is the crux of the problem.  What sort of thinking dominates an alcoholic who repeats time after time the experiment of the first drink.....therefore the main problem of the alcoholic centers in the mind rather than in the body."
                If our thought processes are propelled by the will of God rather than our human instincts we will not drink. Our character defects cannot manifest themselves in our behavior if we are in His will.  Instead, our character has been perfected, as we are now the human being that God created us to be.
                In  THE FOURTH DIMENSION OF LIFE we become a human being that cares about others in such a genuine way. We become a human being that wants to help others.  We think of other's needs before our own.  In the Big Book it states, "Our very lives as ex-problem drinkers depends upon our constant thoughts of others and how we may help meet their needs."
                We benefit in using all tools of recovery but, above all, we must turn from our human nature and live in the will of God. By doing so we will live a human life we could have only imagined we would. We will manifest THE FOURTH DIMENSION OF LIFE - a life free from the bondage of ourselves.

Written by Armand

To Know Peace

In Chapter 4 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous it says, "...we had to fearlessly face the proposition that God is everything or else He is nothing. God either is, or He isn't. What was our choice to be?"  When I came to the very point in my recovery where I had no desire to turn back to my old life but I was fearful of letting go of my nature (and living in the will of God), the above statement had to be answered.   I may have answered in the affirmative earlier in my recovery but it wasn't until that precise moment that I fully understood what was being asked of me - or rather, required of me.
          If we are to recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body; if we are to be free of  manifesting our human defects in our behavior; if we are to live a life where we are tolerant and loving of all but never accepting of evil, if we are to live a life free from fear, anxiety and anger, if we are to be respected and loved and posses the spirit of charity forgiveness and  joy - not because everything in life is as our human nature thinks it ought to be but because God is with us.  Joy is not the absence of sorrow but the presence of God.
           For the first time in my life I had become fully alive as the Spirit was fully awakened within me. I became and am the human being that God created me to be, maximizing my human potential, free of conflict, and at peace.
           I am aware of what is required of me, and I have answered "Yes, God is everything." What will your answer be?
Written By Armand

Another Way To Look At Step Ten

I like to think of the Tenth Step of the AA program as a hallway - a hallway that I must walk down in order to come into the room in which I can live with God. This hallway needs daily repair as the ceiling is leaking, there are holes in the walls and the floor is buckled. Fortunately, the program of Alcoholics Anonymous has given us an instructional manual so that we can pass through, although we may be encumbered at first.
         Another way to look at this is as if God is the light and my human defects are a clouded glass which no light can shine through.  As I begin to incorporate the program of AA into my life and begin to develop a relationship with God, some of the glass clears and some of the light shines through.  As I continue to incorporate the Twelve Steps into my life, the glass clears even more and even more of the light shines through.  Finally, the day arrives when the glass is transparent and all of the light shines through and it is in this moment that I am one with God and free of the manifestation of my character defects.
          Incorporate the Tenth Step into your daily existence and, eventually, into all your waking moments. We must be persistent. Persistence is the time between the promise of God and the provision of God. Thereafter, a life free of anxiety, fear and resentment can be experienced; cloaked in harmony, peace and serenity.

Written By Armand