I have learned through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous that I have three basic instincts: a social, a sexual and a security instinct. These instincts are God given and necessary for life, but in me I can never get enough of what it is I think I need. The great psychiatrist Sigmund Freud defines an instinct as, "a bodily need manifested in our thought process.".
Through the twelve steps I have learned that alcohol is but a symptom of our true malady - our true malady being self-centered fear. We are afraid that we are not going to get what we want and that we are going to lose what we have. Once our fear is triggered we reach for our character defects in an attempt to satiate our instincts, but we can never get enough of what it is we think we need. We are then left running around, chasing our tails, creating havoc in our lives but, more importantly, havoc in the lives of everyone around us. This malady of self-centered fear is the functioning piece of alcoholism and any other ism.
The solution to the disease of addiction is a vital spiritual experience. We must give life to our relationship with God. How? By letting go of our human nature so our thought process is no longer propelled by our instincts, but rather by the will of God through inspiration,
Written By Armand
Written By Armand
Michael C.
ReplyDeleteThe complexities and complications of my alcoholic life are made clear in this post. My instincts which form the basis of my human nature have no safeguard when threatened. Once I no longer feel safe, approved of, and loved, my thought process goes to extremes to protect and defend these basic needs. Alcohol is a connective and corrective solution as it disallows rational thinking and allows, even promotes, irrational behavior. My will takes its orders from my fear-based mind and then relentlessly pursues self-centered satisfaction which results in abhorrent behavior. I call this self-destructive chain of activity “my life”. As you point out, it is only by letting go of my will that I no longer have to run my instincts through my mind for approval. Instead, the course of action must be to integrate all Twelve Steps into my life in such a way that they transfuse and transform my life. And that my will becomes subrogated to the will of The Power Within me. From my experience, It is then that we will know the functioning way of recovery.
Michael as you have articulated so well Michael. Don't mess with me as I suffer from untreated Alcoholism. The solution, the 12 Steps...Thank you...Armand
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ReplyDeleteI've lived out that hyper exaggerated delusional belief in my own importance. I justified every unrestrained journey into my otherwise God given appetites with an unholy zeal that deliberately left God out of the equation. The result? I became a hollow, walking, talking bottomless pit of gilt and shame, terrified by the ever-present fear of having my true self being discovered and inner "daemons" exposed. There was... no real good in me to be found. To be honest, there was no me at all. Just a self created caricature, a mere bundle of personas alternately exercised to gain acceptance and ultimate possession of the person, place or thing I craved.
ReplyDeleteYet, all the while the effects of God's presence were everywhere and all about me. In the perfect symbiotic order and splendor of nature, the random kindness of a strangers, witnessed displays of true love and affection, a baby's furtive glance. That, was the life I craved in fleeting moments of sanity.
It was the impossible desire of becoming a part of that world that finally drove me to my knees in absolute surrender to the Ultimate Author of that vision. I asked for Gods protection and care with complete abandon and as I laid that wretched life before Him, all the accumulated gilt and shame of 37 years fled into infinity... And miraculously, in its place, in this heart of a still imperfect man, the Person of the very Holy Spirit of God took up residence. I finally began to apprehend the radical change described in "How it Works." The memory of Gods conversion of that sick and self-centered caricature, into a God centered man is as fresh in my mind today as it was some 35 years ago. I'm strangely thankful I discovered alcohol and the inevitable misery it brings. Without it, I would never have walked through the doors and into the fellowship of AA. I would never have accepted the Steps that lead to the "Peace of God that surpasses all understanding." (Philippians 4:7) I would never have come to know my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. And, my beloved brother, neither would you. It is the one true miracle of life that renews itself every day..
A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic
A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic love when you wrote "the peace of God that surpasses all understanding." Hold that thought...Thank you...Armand
ReplyDeleteI get what I need, not always what I want. My nature is restless, irritable and discontent. The steps and surrendering to God help me find inner peace and contentment despite what I have or what is going on that I can't control.
ReplyDeleteI ask God to remove what blocks me and to help me see that I am enough and have everything I need right now. I breathe deeply to have more self-acceptance and acceptance of what is...
God has a plan and I do not need to run the show...I surrender my doubt, need to control and fear and ask him to direct my attention to what he would have me be...I begin to outgrow fear and live more fearlessly remembering that God has got me. It is just for today and I can love and accept myself. I can be peacefully present,connect, surrender and trust.
Jessica has left a new comment on your post "The Functioning Piece Of Alcoholism":
ReplyDeleteI get what I need, not always what I want. My nature is restless, irritable and discontent. The steps and surrendering to God help me find inner peace and contentment despite what I have or what is going on that I can't control.
I ask God to remove what blocks me and to help me see that I am enough and have everything I need right now. I breathe deeply to have more self-acceptance and acceptance of what is...
God has a plan and I do not need to run the show...I surrender my doubt, need to control and fear and ask him to direct my attention to what he would have me be...I begin to outgrow fear and live more fearlessly remembering that God has got me. It is just for today and I can love and accept myself. I can be peacefully present,connect, surrender and trust.
Jessica a conscious contact with God in this moment is the implementation of the 12 Steps in the present...Thank you...Armand
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